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Five Steps To Increase Self-Esteem – By Alyssa Cruise

Article Written By Alyssa Cruise

 

When we think of self-esteem, we often see it as something that we have or do not have, rather than a way of being. We hear about having high self-esteem or low self-esteem as if there is a sliding scale of esteem that we must compare ourselves too.

In truth, self-esteem is a verb which means; the process of esteeming one’s self.

In other words, the process of boosting our self –esteem begins with us seeing the value within ourselves.

With this in mind, below are five tips to boost our self-esteem to promote a happier and healthier view of ourselves.

 

  1. Believe In Yourself

One of the first steps we must take to boost our own self-esteem is to change the way we think and feel about ourselves. This is a process that does not always happen overnight, and for the majority of the population is an ongoing journey throughout most of our lives.

When we begin to take responsibility for the way we feel, we empower ourselves. We take charge of our own self-concept which includes; our self worth, beliefs about ourselves, our talents, abilities, potential and value.

  1. Celebrate Your Six Biggest Successes

The more we celebrate our past wins in life, the more belief and confidence we build within our abilities.  Sometimes people struggle to think of their successes, and therefore give up on this exercise. However, there is a way for us to contemplate our wins in a very logical and objective structure, which can help us to see how much we have all grown on our life’s journey.

How To Identify Our Successes.

Step one is to split your life into sections. This will vary depending on each of our ages, but for example, 0-15, 16-30, 30-45.

Step two, you will now choose two successes you experienced within each of these time frames.

Step three, once you have discovered six life successes go back, and continue this same pattern. You may find that before too long you have identified very long list of successes, which you can then celebrate, with great belief in yourself.

After this exercise is complete, moving forwards, we can make a weekly or even daily list of our achievements. This will allow us to see our own progression from week to week, and will ultimately increase of self-belief and self-esteem.

  1. Make Integrity a Priority

One of the best ways we can boost our own self-esteem, is to make integrity a priority. Every agreement we make with others’, we also make with ourselves. When we stick to our word, we honour our integrity. If we don’t follow through on our word, we can ultimately lose faith and even trust within ourselves. This lack of trust within causes our self-esteem to plummet. By keeping our commitments and honouring our integrity we increase our self-esteem and sense of personal power.

  1. Take Some Risks

The higher our self-esteem is, the more likely we are to take successful risks. This is not about risk taking in a ‘negative’ sense, but rather risks that lead us greater success and even happiness. When we lack belief in ourselves, we can also lack gumption and drive. This can lead us to feeling deflated and unsure of ourselves. Taking risks, however small they may seem to begin with, can really help us to develop a deep sense of self-esteem.

  1. Demonstrate Your Talents

When our self-esteem is low, we often turn to thinking negatively about ourselves and our abilities. It is important within these times that we go within and remind ourselves of the things we are truly good at, and the things we do enjoy.

For example, if you are good at sport join a local team. If you are good at painting, showcase your work. If you are good at singing, post a video online or make a professional recording for yourself, friends or family.

When we engage in the things that we do well at, we are able to grow and flourish our self-esteem in tremendous ways.

Tips breakdown;

  • Believe In Yourself
  • Celebrate Your Six Biggest Successes
  • Make Integrity A Priority
  • Take Some Risks
  • Demonstrate Your Talents

Much Love,

Alyssa x


 

Why Chasing Success Will Kill You!

Aahhhh the sweet smell of success! The constant reminders every two minutes in our Facebook feeds with sponsored ads flashing out their promises of teaching you how to make 6 figures in 6 minutes and having a freedom lifestyle.

Selling to your heart desires and triggering your emotions by using clever marketing tactics, these ads forget to mention the ball breaking hard work and daily application of what it really takes to build strong foundations in a business that will stay standing for generations to come.

They forget to mention the MASSIVE risks you have to take, the responsibility you have to shoulder along the way and how you have to completely transform your personality in order to transform your reality…..Yeah! They kinda forget to mention the REAL hard work part.

So, instead, people fall hook line and sinker into the ads and walk blindly into what’s about to come. They start implementing what is taught to them and it starts to succeed and they have a rush of success and money, and SUDDENLY out of nowhere like a thief in the night, WHAMMMMMMMM!!! … You are hit with huge blows!

Suddenly you have a tonne of responsibility, you have a payroll to your staff to pay, you have so many people looking to you to make MASSIVE decisions every day in order to keep things moving. The anxiety burns up in your chest and throat, you feel like you have to work bigger, faster, quicker, stronger, longer each week.

I mean, after all, you have a reputation and staff to keep right?…… But then suddenly! You start to feel like you are stuck on this God forsaken hamster wheel, what have you created? This isn’t living your passion! This is working stupid hours each week with tonnes of responsibility and people to lead and answer to and you are making less an hour then you worked in corporate???

Nobody mentioned this in the course I signed up for??????…. Nobody mentioned in their shiny Facebook advert that I would be freaking and pulling my hair out by the end of the year! How the f**k am I suppose to handle all this? .. (then your immune system takes a beating) and before you know it you are hit with many illnesses, sometimes one after the other or all at once. What the f**k happen on this journey? Why did nobody warn me about this? Why does it same like one thing after another is against me? …. I JUST DONT GET IT! THIS IS NOT LIVING YOUR PASSION, THIS IS SLOW DEATH TORTURE!!!!!!!

Yes, I hear you! I hear every single question you are asking, why? Because I was that person. I totally experienced the above (and a whole load more) on my journey of building my international publishing company. Within 10 months I was riding my way to 7 figures, had a full team and assistants for my every need and was working with TV personalities, award winning film directors and News readers to help publish and market their books to best seller status. I helped over 350 clients hit the best sellers list in under 3 years and had 18 best selling books of my own under my belt, along with bad health, declining passion and a human body that had turned into a robot that was running a hamster wheel and shouldering masses of responsibility that was wearing me down to zero!

Was I really doing this for others? Or was I feeding my big fat ego to feel like a somebody? To feel important and to be idolized? … Was I really seeing that my business foundations were built on chasing success rather than building a legacy?

I was so BLIND! I was chasing success and it was killing me, far from softly! It was killing me harshly every single day! .. I had NOBODY telling me in every training course I did, in every program I signed up for, in every book I would read, and every session with every coach I had, I had NOBODY teaching me the powerful grounded principles that I would need to learn in order to build strong foundations that will build a legacy of a life time. Nobody shared that with me when they were taking money from my credit card…. NONE!

It’s something I had to learn myself and it came to me one day 2 years ago and hit me like a gigantic piece of wood around the head! SLAM! … There I lay in bed with a bad infection in my lungs and unable to climb the stairs without practically coughing up a lung watching a speaker on a Youtube video, I have no idea why I was drawn to her that day, I just decided to watch this particular video and her words hit me. It was in that moment my eyeballs opened wide and I said OH MY GOSH! I had been doing it WRONG for so LONG!

She repeated the same sentence twice, and each time my hair stood up on end and my goosebumps doubled in size on my arms. This was a massive revelation! I could see for the first time in years what I had been doing wrong. Why I was knackered, ill and completely drained! Why all this stuff was happening to me, and what I had to do to put it so right.

Within 24 hours of watching that video, I made the biggest decision in the world, that was to walk away from the publishing company, let my team go and place myself and my health first. I took 5 months away from the online industry and spent that time just being a mum, wife, grandma and spirituality student. I studied daily and continued to look after myself and my health started to improve along with me gaining my strength back daily.

I woke up one morning to the vision of creating an online digital magazine, I had zero clue how to create it or make it happen and no idea how to design a magazine, let alone have a team to hand to do it. I just knew I had to create the vision that God had planted in my mind… So I did.

The Missing Piece Magazine was born on January 17th, 2017, it has saved people’s lives, help people move forward from even the toughest of situations and it has a team of 31 amazing coaches from all across the world who write and create articles on a monthly basis to help others. We have grown from strength to strength and have over 14,000 followers on social media and subscribers who love our content so much! Because it changes lives!

So what really did peel me back up off that floor when I needed it the most? What did that woman say on that YouTube video to enable me to be the tower of strength?? .. What was it?

Her words were “So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor.”
~ 1 Peter 5:6

BOOM! There it was! … We can chase success as much as we like, but until HE decides you’re worthy, you will be going around in circles for centuries. Until YOU really start to understand strong spiritual principles and live by them, study them and become them every single day, then you will be STILL going around in circles for centuries.

Now, before you start with the “She is a religious nut job” judgement, I spent my childhood growing up in a pagan household, made a tonne of mistakes in my 20’s and was a drug addict and self-harming by the time I was 25. After I stopped taking drugs at 25 I hit the bottle and depended on alcohol for another 10 years, which lead to 1 domestic violence relationship after another. Until I took my journey to self-discovery and faced all my demons of my past abuse in childhood and adulthood. I thought I knew quite a lot considering how far I had come on my journey of self-discovery and my success, but the truth was I knew SHIT, and I had YET MORE to learn.

The past two years have been truly an amazing growth period and I have learned what it REALLY takes to succeed in business to leave a legacy and what it really takes to equip others with the true principles of building a strong foundation in your life and business… I am living proof!

Next year (2018) myself and my business partner Kim B.Smith will start to teach these principles to people in events all across the globe and hosting a powerful retreat once a year!

I am so excited for what is to come and to finally shine a beacon of light upon all the business owners in the world, who like me once upon a time felt like they were drowning and have zero clues why?

It’s time for this to be taught, it’s time for people to build legacies and love every minute of it!

It’s great to be back from vacation after marrying my awesome partner! And thank you so much for taking time to read reading this!

God Bless, your friend for this journey,

Kate xx

SELF-ESTEEM

Written By Doneane Beckcom

When people meet me for the first time and learn about who I am, what all I do, and my many accomplishments, they have no idea that I ever struggled with self-esteem, stemming from being bullied from middle school all the way through college. My parents were wonderful at instilling in me the drive to succeed and that I could do anything I set my mind to; however, being bullied by people who were supposed to be my friends tore me down and made me feel self-conscious of my physical appearance.

I was one of those girls who was a very late bloomer. I shot up to 5’7” at about age 12, but I only weighed about 80 pounds and had no shape whatsoever. I towered over both the girls and boys from 6th grade until about 8th grade when they all started to catch up. But, when all of my girlfriends were starting to look more like women, I looked like a tall, skinny little boy. Even into high school, I still was thin and had no womanly curves whatsoever. Even my girlfriends made fun of me (I remember my best friend at the time telling me “something is wrong with you!”), and of course as the boys’ thoughts turned sexual, many of them chimed in also. This followed me all the way through my senior year in college, when it was mostly the young men who continued to taunt me. The last football season of my college years, when I was proud and honored to be the very first female Drum Major of our famed marching band, the band fraternity got together and bought me a big pair of fake plastic boobs and unveiled them after half time at the last game. I was mortified. I was a good sport though, and donned them as I conducted the fight song one last time. Whomever has pictures of this debacle I sure hope they have burned them by now!

When I left college and moved away, the feeling of looking inadequate as a young woman still haunted me, even though I was no longer being teased and bullied by anyone. I found out that I had some hormonal issues and suffered from fibrocystic breast disease, which had affected the growth of breast tissue and caused reproductive issues for me. After some treatment with medications, I opted to have a surgical procedure which removed about half of the breast tissue I had at the time (which was not much, I was not even an A cup at the time) and replaced it with implants. Of course, because of having been teased for so many years, I opted to have larger implants so that I would look “normal.” It was nothing drastic, I had a wonderful reconstructive surgeon who understood my concerns and made me look proportional and natural (I ended up as a small C cup which was perfect for my frame). I was finally happy with the way I looked and no longer concerned that anyone would tease me about my chest.

That surgery was 30 years ago. But when I think back on the people who taunted me and the things that were said, it is as if it was yesterday. Although it was partially medically necessary, it was also mental and cosmetic for me. And it is a shame that I had to feel that way about my appearance based on what other people said and did. And out of all of the many people who participated in the teasing through the years, only one of them ever apologized. It was a college guy, he was friends with my boyfriend at that time (who did not step up to defend me when his “brothers” taunted me, and yes I kicked him to the curb quickly!) and he tearfully confessed how horrible he felt for the things he had done and said to me and asked for forgiveness. Of course I accepted his apology and forgave him, but what about all those others who said and did awful things? Do they ever think about the 12-year-old girl or young college-aged woman they teased and how it made her feel? Were they bullied also and that is why they lashed out at me? These are things that I still ponder on occasion, especially when I hear about a young woman or man harming themselves because of being bullied. My daughter lost a close friend to suicide when they were only 13 years old, he had been bullied by other boys in the locker room and killed himself when he lost hope that no one would make them stop. He is only one of many that we hear about all over the world who lose hope because of being bullied.

So what is the take away here? First, if you have been bullied and your self esteem has been trampled upon, know that it is not your fault. Seek help from a trusted friend or a counselor if you cannot shake the feelings of inadequacy that bullying can manifest in your thoughts. Next, if you are a parent of a young child, start early in not only uplifting them, but also teaching them not to tease others and to tell an adult if they know someone is being teased or bullied. Innocent teasing can hurt just as bad as intentional bullying. Had my parents not been so supportive and uplifting of me, always assuring me that I was beautiful and smart and could do anything, I cannot imagine how things may have been different. Last and most important, if you suspect or know that your child (or a friend of your child) has been bullied, step in! Get to the bottom of it, request a meeting with teacher, counselor, parent of the bully, anyone and everyone in order to stop and correct the behavior. Some children may not reach out to a parent or other adult, but may reach out to your child, so if your child tells you about another child being bullied, please step in. You may be the only adult who does anything about it and prevents tragedy from happening.

Self esteem can be fragile. Handle with care, always, whether it is yours or that of someone else. Once damaged, it can be very difficult to repair and may take years to overcome the pain. Even those of us who appear strong and like we “have it all together” on the outside can still be the hurt and scared child who was bullied years ago.

Thank you so much for reading, much love

Doneane Beckcom
CEO, Bold Radio Station
Certified Fitness Nutrition Specialist
Fitness Nutrition Consulting, LLC

PUT THE BITCH IN THE BOX!

Article Written By Wendy Hutchinson

 

Ever since I can remember I’ve had this voice in my head telling me what I could and couldn’t do. She cast a shadow on my self-esteem feeding me stories about my weight, my looks, my intelligence, my earning potential and so much more. She held me down forever and every time she whispered in my ear I believed her. Play it safe, stay small, no one wants to hear your opinion, and the worst insult of all, you don’t matter. I named her “The Bitch” and what a bitch she was.   I listened to all her lies and believed in my limited potential.  One day I recognized her for who she was, she was a deceiver and deal breaker and I broke free of her and I said, “that’s enough”!    I believed the deceit was truth.  The bitch kept me from becoming everything I dared to dream.  I could run down a list of ways I fell short in my life faster than ice cream melted on a hot summer day.   I had no idea how pervasive that EGO/bitch was until I started to pay attention.

The bitch kept me living small and safe by creating just enough doubt and fear to hold me captive. She was also smothering my spirit and my dreams.  And then, something magical happened, I put that bitch in a box and I put a huge black iron padlock on it.   That act of defiance was something so powerful, it surprised even me.  I began piece by piece finding my way back to my authentic self.  I started to feel at a soul level, the truth of who I am.  I saw that I could be fearless and strong.  I saw that I could take risks because I felt called to help others in my coaching and energy healing.  The bitch would try to come out occasionally and rattle the cage, but I was not having it and back in the box she would go.  I realized that nothing was going to keep me from taking the next step on my journey.  I felt the stirring of something so much bigger than what I had allowed myself to believe possible.  There was only one way to step into my power and it required a major shift in the story I was telling myself.

This shift happened gradually.  At first, I began noticing how often I was telling myself ways I didn’t measure up.  Then, I had a daring and provocative thought, which was, I am not my thoughts!  I made a radical decision.  I decided it was time that I started honoring and loving myself because if I didn’t, who would?  I asked myself who am I really?  What do I enjoy?  Everyone has one thing that brings them joy, be it cooking, reading, travel, dance, working out, or spending time with friends.  It could be something simple like sleeping in or a great latte on a Saturday morning. That is where I began to find my way back to my soul, the soul that was the essence of me.    Through this process of rediscovering what lit my soul on fire, I began to blossom and the fabric of my life became this rich tapestry of experiences.  I began to explore new places with my husband.  I was reading books that inspired me, excited me, and set me on a spiritual path.  I discovered a love of yoga and being outdoors on walks with my dog.  I became very intentional about the kind of life I wanted to live.   I created a perfect balance of work and play. I wanted to connect to people who were interested in changing the world by following their passions and just as I put that energy out there, the Universe began to deliver those people through synchronicity and circumstance.  The more I focused on things that brought me joy, the more aligned I felt, attracting experiences, opportunities and people that resonated with me.

As I became more authentic in who I was, I stepped away from the person everyone else wanted me to be. I learned to set boundaries. I learned to put myself first and realized this wasn’t a selfish act as I had been programmed to believe.  It was healthy to honor myself.  Once I respected myself and my time, people fell away or fell in line. At first, I was sad to see the people I cared so deeply about falling away. As I began to step fully onto my path and into my power, I realized it had to happen to make room for the people who were going to come forward and lift me up and hold my hand as I pursued my dreams. The friends who said I’m here for you, I love you, I think you are doing great work were the ones I needed in my life. There is no room in my life for people jaded by their own cowardice and insecurity creating doubt and fear around what I am doing.  I am including family members here. Yes, I have stepped so fully into my power, there is no room in my life for negativity, even if you are a blood relative. The people I want in my life are going to treat me with respect, and love and dignity. It’s people who The bitch kept me living small and safe by creating just enough doubt and fear to hold me captive. She was also smothering my spirit and my dreams.  And then, something magical happened, I put that bitch in a box and I put a huge black iron padlock on it.   That act of defiance was something so powerful, it surprised even me.  I began piece by piece finding my way back to my authentic self.  I started to feel at a soul level, the truth of who I am.  I saw that I could be fearless and strong.  I saw that I could take risks because I felt called to help others in my coaching and energy healing.  The bitch would try to come out occasionally and rattle the cage, but I was not having it and back in the box she would go. I realized that nothing was going to keep me from taking the next step on my journey. I felt the stirring of something so much bigger than what I had allowed myself to believe possible. There was only one way to step into my power and it required a major shift in the story I was telling myself.

continue to create drama and try to suck me in, that I respectfully side step and have minimized contact with.

There is no reason to approach life as a victim of circumstance. Being a victim is disempowering. It creates a mentality of helplessness and resignation.  You can languish in the mental wasteland of what if scenarios and what will people think bullshit or you can stop wasting time in the space of doubt and fear. Put your bitch in a box and lock her down, now is the time to let your light shine.

Until next time, much love

Wendy xx


About Wendy Hutchinson:

Alinea Life Coaching

www.alinealifecoaching.com

TEL: 619-246-5948

 

Pain Versus Pleasure – REAL LIFE STORY!

Real Life Story Written By Scott Vejar

Although I didn’t come up with this title on my own, it resonated with my life on more than one occasion. While attending a Tony Robbins event, he spoke on the topic of pain versus pleasure. He said that people do things to either avoid pain or gain pleasure. He gave us an exercise to do to help overcome hurdles, challenges, or setbacks. We would pick out a ‘challenge’ in our lives that we had a difficult time accomplishing or completing (even though it was necessary to do to make our lives better).

We would make two columns and write the word ‘Pain’ as a header for the left side column, and then write the word ‘Pleasure’ as a header for the right-hand column. What Tony stated was that ‘pain’ could be emotional pain, embarrassment, inconvenience, fear, lack of money, loss of a loved one or anything you would lose for not accomplishing what needs to be done. Then we would come up with a list of the ‘pain’ of not doing what needs to be done versus the ‘pleasure’ we would get from doing said tasks. For example, one of my ‘needs to get done’ was to practice public speaking. The ‘pain’ for me was being embarrassed of making a fool of myself, speaking of something that people were not interested. Another ‘pain’ was feeling uncomfortable speaking in front of people because I did not have self-confidence. I was very self-conscience of my looks because people would make fun of me when I was a kid.

This assignment was tough for me because it opened up some emotional wounds. It made me think about things that were hidden deep inside. They kept me from doing things because of lack of self-confidence, being self-conscience of how people thought of me, and being afraid to speak in front of an audience. The ‘pleasure’ I would get out of public speaking would be helping other people, gaining confidence, making friends, conquering my fear of public speaking, making a career change, making money, and furthering my knowledge on the subjects I wanted to speak on. The ‘pleasure’ list outweighed the ‘pain’ list. It was there that I decided to join Toastmasters (https://www.toastmasters.org/).

It all started when I was a kid. I was the youngest of four boys. One of the main issues I had was that I was fat. My brothers would pick on me a lot, and that made me self-conscience of my looks. To save money, my dad would shave our heads during the summer. My brothers would get on their knees and start bowing and chanting praise to ‘Buddha’. This made me upset and caused further emotional trauma. Also, we would fight a lot. Brother number one was older and a lot bigger than I was, there were times when he got in his moods, and he would beat me up. Brother number two had issues himself, he would beat me up more than brother number one. Brother number three, who was almost a year older than I was, would beat me up more than the others. So there I was, getting picked on and beaten up for the most part of my childhood.

Not only was I picked on at home, but I was also picked on in elementary school too. Because I was born late in the year, my parents had a choice to either put me in school early (which made me almost a year younger than everyone else) or wait and put me in school later (which would have made me a little older than the other classmates). My parents decided to put me in school early. There were a few classmates who used to bully me

either verbally or physically. I used to get into a lot of fights; I lost most of them. There was one classmate I had to deal with who would make fun of me all the time because I was fat. The problem with that was he was my cousin, so I was being made fun of at school, but also at family events. He would make fun of me in front of the classmates all during recess, and during lunch, he was relentless. Getting picked on at school by the school bullies and my cousin made me completely withdrawn and depressed. It got to the point where I hated not only hated school, but also life itself. When I hear people say, “I hate that” or, “I hate this,” I joke around and say “hate is a strong word.” But for a long time when I was a kid, I really used to hate life. It got to the point where I hated every day of my life. The sayings, “Time goes by fast when you are having fun,” and “a watched pot never boils” meant a lot to me. I didn’t want to go to school so much that on the weekends I would stare at the clock so time would go by slow. If I went out and played, time would go by fast, and then school would come around quicker than I liked. I was one mixed up kid.

I met someone on Facebook who is a public speaker. I was interested in the possibility of overcoming my fear, so I met him. He asked me about my life. It is hard for me to say this, but there was a time in fourth grade when I used to think about killing myself. There were times I used to stand on the street corner and think about running in front of a car, just to end it all. I still remember four different occasions when I was so close. I couldn’t get any closer without actually going through with it. I just wanted to get it over with.

Then one day, something happened that changed my life. One of my brother’s classmate’s father committed suicide on the next block in between a store and a house. The kids in the neighborhood started making fun of the man, calling him crazy, a looney toon, and a psycho. As weird as this sounds, this was one confusing time for me. I wanted to kill myself because I was tired of being bullied and picked on. But since the kids were making fun of the man who killed himself, I didn’t want people to make fun of me because I killed myself (as crazy as that sounds). So now I was stuck. Do I kill myself because I don’t want people to make fun of me, or do I not kill myself because I don’t want people to make fun of me? Obviously, I didn’t kill myself, but it made life unpleasant for a long time. I conditioned myself to hate life, be very negative, not enjoy things I should have enjoyed, and not appreciate my accomplishments.

Which brings me to the title of this story, Pain versus Pleasure. Looking back at what Tony Robbins said, people do things to either avoid pain or gain pleasure. So in my case, it was more painful to have people make fun of me for killing myself than it was for people making fun of me for being fat. I am glad I made the decision I made; I now enjoy life.

I use the ‘Pain versus Pleasure’ exercise whenever I want or need to do something that will make my life better. I used it to join Toastmasters, which for me, was one big step in life. I am no longer afraid of public speaking. I still need to work on the art of public speaking, but I overcame my fear.

I feel the ‘Pain versus Pleasure’ could be effective for anyone. If there is anything you want or need to do that you are hesitant to do, this exercise will help you find your calling.

Thank you so much for reading, much love

Scott Vejar

Self-Esteem – Do I have Enough?

Article Written By Ellen Rich

 

“Build your self-esteem by recalling all the ways you have succeeded, and your brain will be filled with images of you making your achievements happen again and again. Give yourself permission to toot your own horn, and don’t wait for anyone to praise you.”
~ Jack Canfield

 

Imagine you are on a beautiful paradise beach, lying in a hammock by the ocean, all alone.  You hear a soft voice behind you and turn to see that no one is there.  Listening more closely, the voice asks, “Since we are all alone, would you honestly say that you like and love yourself?”  And you answer either yes, no or maybe.

We are all human and have made mistakes throughout our lives.  These mistakes could be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. Whichever they have been, they are over.  The question is, do they come back to haunt you now, in the present, and influence your self-esteem?  As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Let’s take a look at four parts of your “self” that form the person you are today, determine if your self-esteem is coming from your skin and everything that surrounds your organs.  Not all bodies are the same, but if conscious, then you are part of the human species.

When you pass a mirror or see your reflection do you look at your body and judge yourself?  What about if you are naked?  Are you constantly performing makeovers on your appearance? When you look in the mirror, do you see imperfections in your skin and hair and wish you could make them way disappear?  Do you play with your hair color and style, change facial and body imperfections with surgery, lose or gain weight?

There are so many ways we can impact our physical body.  There are no right or wrong answers here, accept to determine if you are happy and satisfied.  If not, you can put a program in place to change what you don’t like. Changing your physical self can always be done, even if the root of some challenges is coming from the past. You can you renew yourself at any time.

Mental Self

The mental self is made up of many processes of your brain and your thoughts.  We all have thoughts, even the masters meditating in the caves in India or at an ashram.  Part of the human brain uses thoughts as a survival skill.  The thought isn’t the problem; it is the reaction to the thought that can cause us pain.

Many people get thoughts and emotions confused.  Thoughts cause an emotional reaction.  No thought — no reaction.  And even more profound is realizing that any thought is just a thought, no truer than the next.  This may sound strange, but thoughts are like our skin; they protect us and allow for suffering.  If the skin is cut, it may bleed and hurt.

If your mental makeup is causing you challenges, you can change it by getting help, finding support, going back to school, undergoing therapy, exercising and discovering other activities which can help you focus on how your mental processes are operating and why. Once you understand this, then you can begin the change process.

Emotional Self

Our emotional self is created by our thoughts and those of others whom we may or may not choose to believe.  The issue is not the specific thought. It is only if you get “hooked” by that thought and start to focus on it that an emotional reaction is formed. The more the thought is focused on, the harder it is to pull away from it and seek solutions.

We all have emotions that are typically deemed good (joy, happiness, ecstasy, love) and bad (evil, self-centered, rage, and anger) and so forth.  However, if you look deep into this process, it really isn’t the emotion that is important, but the believing it and immediately reacting without considering the context that is key. For example, is someone a freedom fighter or a terrorist?  It depends on the person’s perception of the world and his or her context.

Our childhood, parents, schooling and society have caused much emotional pain.  We suffer because we believe that these emotions are the only real reactions we can have.  It is no one’s fault that you had an uncomfortable experience (sometime) in the past, but that time is over.  By realizing that emotions can be changed and by living in the present, you can create a new emotional self.

Spiritual Self

Some of us were brought up in religious households and others with no religious or spiritual teachings and values at all.  Wikipedia states than there about 4,200 different religions in the world today.  I believe that each person on earth has his or her own religion.  That would take the number up to 7.5 billion per Wikipedia for 2017.

Some of us are very fundamentalist in our thought processes and take teachings at their word. Others are open to taking parts from many spiritual practices or even creating their own.

You can find your spiritual self in your heart.  You feel it and can’t use the mental, emotional or physical selves to help you out.  If you find yourself unhappy with your spiritual practice or are overwhelmed by it, you can change it by feeling your way into your heart.  This is a nonverbal process and only you will know how you feel.

So now what?

Self-esteem, no matter how you rate your own, is the basis to accepting yourself as you are and not how others define you. Even with your mistakes, flaws and differences, only you can determine if you are happy with yourself.  If you are not happy develop a plan for change.

There are many ways to change and only you will know which one (s) to pursue.  Here is a short list to get you started.

  1. Start a journal on each “self” and identify how you feel about each one.
  2. Seek out a therapist or Life Coach to help structure a program.
  3. Talk to someone with whom you feel comfortable.
  4. Search the internet for pertinent topics.
  5. Read some books recommended by people you admire.
  6. Go on retreat alone or with others.
  7. Take some time off to consider your life.
  8. Listen to talks on YouTube (especially Ted Talks).
  9. Brainstorm changes you could make.

And most importantly, have patience and be gentle and loving with yourself.

With much love

Ellen xx



After working in the corporate world for 30+ years, Ellen started a Holistic Life Coaching program.  Called act2.expert (www.act2.expert), it is a Holistic Life Coaching Program that allows the client drive the process in a safe and comfortable environment.  Ellen has a BA, MBA, many certificates and has attended Wisdom of the Whole Coaching Academy.

Five Keys to Avoid Overwhelm By Alyssa Cruise

 

Guest Blog: Written By Alyssa Cruise.

Before I share the five keys, I want to clarify the difference between overwhelm and burnout. Overwhelm is often an in-the-moment feeling and can be triggered by stress. It leaves us feeling as though we can’t handle everything going on around us.

However, unlike overwhelm, burn out happens when we haven’t been listening to the signals our body sends, we become exhausted and before long we’ve reached burnout.

This article focuses upon overwhelm, how to avoid it and how you can kiss overwhelm goodbye for good!

 

  1. Just Say No!

Are you saying no enough?  As someone who is most probably empowered, passionate and creative you have already learnt to say yes to lots of things. In most cases this is a positive practice. Saying yes pushes us out of our comfort zones. It opens amazing new doors of opportunity and growth. However, before you reach burn out check in with yourself and ask yourself; “am I saying yes to too many things?”

You can easily begin to feel overwhelmed when you can’t manage your obligations fully. Or perhaps you’ve taken on too many responsibilities. Now’s the time to take an objective step back and see if there are areas in your life that you could ‘trim back on’ to suit you better. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help, as feeling burdened is one sure way to lead to overwhelm.

2. Start Your Day Right

When we start our day in the right frame of mind we feel more in control of our lives. Have you ever had a day you woke up late for something? Perhaps it left you feeling flustered and agitated and then you noticed how the rest of the day seemed to follow suit. Yes, we are human and those days can happen to us all. But when those days become more than a one off is when overwhelm will become a problem.

Begin your day in the most peaceful and productive way possible. The first thing I do is drink water with fresh lemon and yes, I do this before I check my phone, social media or emails! After waking we need to fuel our bodies. I also read a chapter from a book that inspires and motivates me. This offers me focus and intention for my own purpose that day.

Think about how you can start your day in the most positive and empowered way and come up with morning routines that nourish and nurture you. Maybe stretches, yoga or listening to an uplifting podcast. Having a morning ritual such as these, makes it very hard for overwhelm to find you and try to bring you down.

 

2. Don’t Hop Around

See if you recognise yourself in any of these statements.

  • I structure my workdays
  • I move methodically from one project to the next, with space between each
  • I finish one task and then move immediately to another
  • I have many tasks on the go at any one time
  • I’m restless and constantly checking social media, emails etc., while planning my day

When we create a schedule we’re less likely to face overwhelm. If we give ourselves set time between each task to reboot and reset, we’ll feel less stressed and better able to cope with the demands of our job. Unlike ‘hopping’ around with no organised plan, which can easily lead to overwhelm.

 

3. Tidy Up Time!

I remember as a young child in school we had ‘tidy up time’. This was a set amount of time for the end of the day where we would get our coats, bags, lunchbox and pens packed and ready to be taken home. Now as an adult I still remind myself to participate in this tidy up time, in a new, structured and practical way.

So, how can you implement this same philosophy into your busy day? It’s simple, take time before your day has finished to catch up on any loose ends. After all, when you get home to spend time with those you love, they should have your undivided attention. But, that’s difficult to do if you’re thinking about that last email you should have sent, or the phone call you forgot to make.

By scheduling in 30 minutes before the end of each day, you’re giving yourself the opportunity to review, evaluate and complete those tasks that just can’t wait. You’re taking control of a much better work/life balance and creating harmony between the two.

 

4. Be the Captain of Your Own Attitude

Are you ready to be the captain of your attitudes and improve the way you approach life?

Overwhelm, simply put, is when we feel we have lost control of the moment that we are in. It can leave us feeling; flustered, confused and stressed. But, what if we approached every moment from a conscious place of confidence, high energy and trust?

When unforeseen circumstances arise are you going to be the person who yells out, ‘I don’t know what to do!’ or are you going to be the person who calmly says to yourself, ‘I don’t have a plan right this second, but I know all things can be figured out and resolved’.

The decision is yours. If you make a conscious choice in every moment to stand in your own personal power, you are the calm within the storm. Decide to be the voice of reason when everyone else is in chaos.

 

Leave Overwhelm Behind for Good

Implement these strategies and;

  • learn what to say no to
  • start your day right
  • enjoy a better work/life balance
  • prioritise tasks
  • be in control your own thoughts and
  • you will very rarely feel overwhelmed again

We cannot see what the future holds, or what awaits us. But, we can breathe deeply and make a promise to ourselves that we will learn to handle everything we’re faced with. Whatever we have on our plate we can deal with….one step at a time.

Thank you so much for reading! I will see you in the next issue of The Missing Piece Magazine.

Much Love

Alyssa xx

Coach, Writer, Spiritual Life Hacks at alyssacruise.com

 

 

My Brain Went Haywire

Guest Blog written by:  by Martin Warrillow

The human brain can only be worked so hard. When it’s had enough, it goes haywire. The only job I ever wanted when I was growing up was to be a journalist and despite being born with spina bifida and hydrocephalus (Google it, lol…) I fulfilled that childhood wish to work in journalism.

I had 24 years on various local daily and weekly newspapers in the West Midlands, with most of them spent on the sports desk of a major regional morning newspaper.
We worked ridiculous evening shifts, starting at 3pm and finishing whenever we finished, which was usually between midnight and 1am.

We worked almost every Sunday (we did get Saturdays off, although some of us worked a Saturday to earn extra money) and we worked every Bank Holiday . Of course, this meant I didn’t get home until 1.30am or so and rarely went to bed before 2am.

With my wife waking at 6am to go to work, it meant I wasn’t getting a lot of ‘proper’ sleep. I was also eating ‘on the run’ and eating a bad diet. In hindsight, it was a recipe for disaster and in 2006-7, I started to suffer epilepsy. Gigantic ‘Fall out of bed, lose control of your bodily functions’ seizures.
I had at least ten of them and it took the doctors 18 months to work out what was happening. Finally, my employer paid for a private consultation with a professsor of neurology; to be honest, I think they were frightened about what would happen if something really dramatic went wrong and they were shown not to have fulfilled their duty of care to an employee.

I will never forget the day I sat in that consultant’s office and he said: “You don’t know how close you’ve come to killing yourself. Your eating and sleeping patterns are wrecked; your body clock’s shot to bits.”

Sensing disaster ahead, the company quickly took me off those shifts, put me on regular day shifts for a while and things calmed down. They put me on a veritable feast of medication and as I write, I haven’t had a fit since February 2010. But at the end of 2009, my department was the victim of cost-cutting in the newspaper industry as the internet took all their classified advertising and my job was made redundant.

I moved into the world of freelance journalism and got a decent annual contract editing the quarterly magazine of British Naturism. Yes, British Naturism, the organisation which promotes social nudity as a leisure activity. My wife and I had been naturists since stumbling on to a clothes-optional beach in Spain in 1991 so it seemed the perfect job. And indeed, I enjoyed it for the first three-and-a-half years until the 1% of the membership which voted in leadership elections decided to change the chairman.

The new incumbent hated me and office politics came to the fore. In the autumn of 2013, I decided not to apply for another annual contract but before I could leave, the organisation decided not to renew my contract – and told me in a two-minute phone call one Sunday night, a month before Christmas.

That decision took away 90 per cent of my income and over the next two weeks, I panicked about replacing it. I stressed too much, I worked too hard, I networked too much (at least five meetings a week) – in hindsight, I took my brain and body to their limits and beyond. Then, while I was crossing a road near my home on the afternoon of Monday December 16 2013, I collapsed without warning. I lay in the road helpless – paralysed down my left side, carrying a £2,000 computer in my right hand and with a 47-seater bus coming towards me. I’d had a stroke. At the age of 49, after two and a half decades in the high-pressure world of journalism, my body and brain had cried ‘Enough!’

It should have killed me but somehow the bus miraculously missed me (I am still convinced to this day that the driver doesn’t know I was there, because I was in his blind spot) – and I survived the stroke. I spent a month over Christmas and New Year in hospital (the first two weeks of it wholly paralysed down my left side), I was in a wheelchair for four months, on sticks for 18 months.

It took two years for me to re-learn how to walk (which I still do with a limp) and I have been left with long-term memory loss and balance issues. But at least I’m alive. I’ve been retired from full-time work since December 2015 but I blog about stroke education at www.askthewarrior.com
and I do talks about stroke education as ‘The Warrior’ – specifically emphasising the need for self-employed people to take care of their brains and bodies – no 20-hour days or 100-hour weeks! – and also to prepare financially for the life-changing event “which will never happen to me.”

I’m living, breathing proof that it can happen to you if you work your brain and body too hard. If I can help one person to avoid going through what I’ve been through, I see that as creating a massive positive out of a massive negative.

Thank you for reading,

Martin Warrillow

Oh, How Far I Have Come!

 

 

The past 7 days have been really extreme for me to say the least! You know when you have them moments of “Oh my gosh! Look how far I have come” moments?

Well, that was me this week. I watched a real life drama that told the story of a young woman who was beaten to death by her boyfriend while her 3-year-old daughter watched. This really placed me back to where I was 7 years ago, and how freaking LUCKY I am to be alive today!

I was in an abusive relationship in my early 30’s, which nearly cost me my life. The stress of that relationship caused me to develop anxiety disorder, which resulted from me in having huge panic attacks—one panic attack resulted in a stroke, which paralysed the right side of my body for two months afterwards. So to sit there and watch another person’s story and the fact she never made it out alive was EXTREME! I had a moment where I was shocked that I had come this far and was still alive.

Watching another person’s story took me back to the times when my ex would come home from the pub and sit at the end of my bed for two hours and give me of verbal torture, then he would then fall asleep into a beer coma next to me until morning. There were many times when I woke up in the morning wet through because he had wet the bed at the side of me. He would drink so much that he wouldn’t even get up to go to the bathroom, and just lay there and peed himself instead. One evening, when I suggested that he should slow down with his drinking because I was afraid he may have a drinking problem, he launched across the room and grabbed me by the neck and pushed my back up against the wall. He started squeezing my throat tighter and tighter and I panicked, thinking he was going to kill me. Finally, he slackened his grip and I fell to the floor, gasping for breath.

The ladies story took me back to my own, and the next morning I cried my eyes out. Not because I was upset, or because my life is bad in any way. I cried with massive appreciation in my heart that I now live with one amazing, loving man who will be my husband in only 10 weeks time. That I have a business that I love and a family that is so beautiful and precious in every way. I cried because I had completely changed my life around from the life I had only 7 and the half years ago!

I cried because I am so lucky compared to so many people in relationships who aren’t so lucky. The ones that don’t make it to even write a blog like this to share with you because their partner took their life. Having this huge awakening this week completely knocked me for six and I had to take time out for me to process all of this. Plus, yet another terrible incident happening in London this week where a whole tower block of people lost their homes, lost their loved ones and had to stand there and watch everything their own go up in flames.

All this and starting my new college course in addiction counselling and starting with my new coach was so much to take in and process all in one week. So when there is a lot to process it only means one thing for me. Take 5, process it all, recharge and then come back ready to face the world like a lion once more. If you don’t give yourself process time then your brain will overload and you could end up completely drained.

We always have to remember we are only human and breakthroughs, learning and situations in the world can have a massive impact upon you. And that’s ok, but just be honest with yourself and notice when you do need to process, and respect yourself enough time to allow that process to happen.

If I was to pretend to you that shit never happened to me, or that I didn’t need time to process all that has hit me in one week, wouldn’t I be really bullshitting you? I would be setting a fake stage by saying “Growth is easy” … Mmmmm no it isn’t! It’s far from freaking easy, and your followers will appreciate you so much more if you actually admit it!

So this is my confession list to you today:

  • I cried this week because I am lucky to have all abusive relationships behind me and be still alive.
    I have a new and amazing coach and she taught me more in one week than I learnt in 2 years!
    The London tower fire made my heart heavy for those who have lost everything.
    I am a college student working towards a Diploma in Addiction coaching and loving it!
    I brought Matthew (future husband) to tears with his father’s day gift.
    I am a human being and needed the time out yesterday to process everything from this week.
    I am really really really appreciative of my life and YOU.

It’s been one heck of a journey to get here today, but I wouldn’t change any part of it. I will continue on this journey of growing The Missing Piece Magazine so that people like myself on a growth journey can have access to a powerful tool for FREE! So that they have to hand everything they need to work through them moments of processing. So they too don’t feel completely blinded by all the “perfection” that is placed before them in the world.

It can be so easy to follow somebody who makes it all look easy, who really does not tell you half of what they actually go through behind the scenes and to me that’s just complete rubbish and setting a fake high standard that you will never in a million years reach, or die trying. Growth is far from easy, it’s just freaking worth it!

This journey is never about how far you have yet to go, it’s about how far you have come already. Every other day from here on is just another bonus of you going further. As we go into the weekend take time for yourself and your own processing of this week. Tomorrow is the release of issue 6 of The Missing Piece Magazine and in this month’s issue, we are looking at The Laws of the Universe. what are they? Who wrote them? What are they all about? Do they work? and so much more will be answered inside with powerful articles and interactive video articles.

This is your chance to process some of the powerful knowledge in this month’s issue from all our 30 coaches and Plus an Exclusive Interview with our cover guy Mark Baker and so much more. Place your name and email address in the sign-up box below and issue 6 will be delivered straight to your inbox tomorrow.

So, until next time have a wonderful weekend and make this day your best day yet!

Kate xx