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Self-Esteem:- By Kim B. Smith

Self-Esteem:

A confidence and satisfaction in oneself

Self-Respect

1:  A proper respect for oneself as a human being

2:  Regard for one’s own standing or position

 

Webster’s Dictionary definition of self-esteem and self-respect.

Why do we have such a struggle with all of this?

Self-esteem and self-respect are a group of muscles; they must be worked and strengthened every day. In this article, I want to talk about how to do just that, not the reasons why we lack the confidence and satisfaction in ourselves. I will say one more thing, we all experience this and we even have insecurities as well.

The key questions here are:

How long do you stay in this environment of yourself and who do you turn too?

I talk a lot about the ‘Hag in the attic,’ that nagging voice in our heads. You know who she is! The one that keeps you small, comfortable, questioning yourself so your confidence is compromised and satisfaction is never reached. Sound familiar? Believe me, you need support and tools to keep strengthening your self-esteem.

Think about your muscles and you want to become stronger. You need to do a strength-training regime, right? The same goes for your esteem. Esteem needs spiritual training. Yes, spiritual training.

A higher belief of one’s self, call it what you want, The Universe, or God. I believe God created everything, so I speak God. We need this to release all of our lamenting to grow stronger, through chaos, joy, ups, and downs! Think bicep curls, planks, squats and lunges, crunches (all Pilates based of course). Training! Hard core training. Period.

We have twelve laws of the Universe, begin there for your routine. Read them, understand them. You also need water, a dehydrated body leads to misery and that is not the way to strengthen your muscles. Hydration is so key in so many ways.

The bottom line here is when self-doubt creeps in it is a recipe for misery, and you need someone to hand this all over to: God! We think we need other people in our lives to help us through all of this ‘stuff’ we have going on, and we do, however, they have stuff going on as well. There is only one person that can help us grieve, forgive, lament, and give it all too; and that is a higher power is God!

There was a time when I didn’t turn to God, and I felt He was too far away to even help, let alone trust. So here is how I lived:

I chased money, titles and I placed people on pedestals. That left me disappointed, empty, feeling like I was in a deep dark hole, chasing people for love, drugs, and sex. I lied to climb corporate ladders for money and titles. All because I thought this is what society expected of me, and because I didn’t have satisfaction in myself. I didn’t have a family lifting me up, they beat me down. I was on my own since high school navigating my way with little to no tools.

I quit school because it was more fun to go to Florida at spring break and party. I built a career on lies, I cheated people for money, and I did drugs because it was a powerful place to be, or so I thought. I rebelled, believing in my own false confidence. I was wrapped up in my appearance of my body image, so I took on an exercise disorder. I lived a low life because I thought this is what society, and more importantly, my parents thought I should be doing. And yes, these were my judgments, all of this was in my mind.

Anxiety crept in, and it became worse. Physically, I was getting sick. On the outside, it looked like I had it all going on, but the price to pay was my lack of spirituality, faith, self-esteem, and self-respect! I compared myself to others, and I always felt like I had work hard to chase everything down! I would say things like: “I don’t have luck, I don’t come from money, only other people know how to achieve success.” This my friends is the Hag attacking and controlling when you are low.

A few easy suggestions to break this down into simple steps:

 

R.E.A.D.! (I heard this in church.)

 

R: ready in your heart

E: engage the text

A: ask questions

D: decide to act

Read and get to know God’s words, fall in love with Him, then you will be in love with yourself. Take His words and bury them deep into your heart. Slow down to have a conversation with Him. We live in such a fast-paced, surfaced, quick-fix environment. We need to go deeper in our hearts, bury his words so deep nothing can dig them up. Ask the questions of who, what, where, why, and when? Do this daily!

This is the muscle-building regime for developing confidence and satisfaction in oneself, a proper respect for oneself as a human being, and regard for one’s own standing or position!

You now have your foundation of strengthening your self-esteem.

Peace,

Kim xx


Kim Boudreau Smith is a multi-talented CEO and business leader with a legacy of empowering thousands of women. From a corporate background in sales and marketing and over 20 years of experience in the fitness industry, Kim has gone on to become an #1 International Best-Selling Author with the book being one of the best-selling on Amazon for 2015! Kim also has become a multiple International Best-Selling Author Business Consultant and Speaker. Kim combines her expertise with a passion to motivate and inspire other women to become “top producers in their lives”. As CEO of Kim Boudreau Smith Inc. & Founder of Bold Radio Station her international speaking and consulting work has enabled thousands of women to benefit from her inspirational and empowering work. Find out more at www.kimbsmith.com

Seven Words – Written By Desirėe Toldo

Written By Desirėe Toldo

 

Stubborn. Loud. Introverted. Passionate. Inquisitive. Precise. Frank. Seven words that capture the essence of who I am.

Seven words are what you need to learn what you believe about who you are. I often find that the words we use to describe ourselves find their origins in labels assigned to us so early on that they seem branded into our souls.

Our self esteems are so rooted in the opinions and words of others from such an early age, that by the time we are able to conceptualize our own self-image we are already so inundated with ideas about who we are that its difficult to separate who we are from who people think we are. We are a compilation of layers and layers of labels that ultimately create our self-concept; good, bad, or fierce.

So, who am I?

I am stubborn. The word comes to mind first because next to “Desirée”, its what I’m called most often. Being stubborn means you don’t accept an answer just because it’s an answer. It means you push beyond the point when most people stopped pushing. It means sometimes (lots of times?) you get yourself in trouble. But ultimately it means that you believe in something so strongly you’d stake a trip to Disney on it—belief like that is invaluable.

I am loud. I often say that I have no volume control, but being loud is to be expected when you’re a Cuban Italian girl from New York. Loud just comes with the territory. I speak loudly, I laugh loudly, I even sleep loudly. Our voices are the strongest tool we could possibly be armed with. Having a loud voice doesn’t always mean you will be listened to, but make no mistake, you will be heard.

I am introverted. If that’s not juxtaposition, I don’t know what is—loud and introverted. How can that be? I may have a loud voice, but my soul is quiet. I thrive in familiar settings with lots of books and snacks. I would choose a night in over a night out any given night. I’m the oldest 23-year-old I know and I love it. Being introverted forces you to step outside of your comfort zone quite often. You are faced with challenges that an extrovert wouldn’t give a second thought to, which means that you have the opportunity to overcome challenges often—its quite empowering.

I am passionate. I become even louder than normal when I begin talking about something that I’m passionate about (teaching, Disney, the Harry Potter series, food, etc.). My passion has afforded me a career, an opportunity to write my experiences down to be read across the world, a successful relationship, a stocked fridge…the list goes on. Passion is what fuels the soul—it’s the fortitude of your belief in something that drives you to pursue it at all costs. When it comes to your passion, stubborn isn’t a bad thing to be— never accept the answer you don’t want, always pursue your passion, always keep pushing.

I am inquisitive. I always have a follow-up question. Always. If I could swing it, being a student would be my fulltime job. I love to learn and I am always looking for something new to discover. If the family of one of my students speaks a language I am unfamiliar with, I research it—that’s how I discovered that the Igbo language is spoken in parts of Nigeria. If I come across a word I don’t know, I look it up—that’s how I learned what the word “tenable” meant after reading it on the back of a security guard’s shirt. I am always asking questions—of those around me, of my environment, of myself. Being inquisitive means never being satisfied with the amount of knowledge in your brain’s filing cabinets. There is always more to seek—knowledge truly is power and the more you know the stronger you can be.

I am precise. Some would say controlling, I say precise because I am precise. For example, there is an exact science to making a bed the right way—two pillows per side of the bed, the sheet and blankets must be folded four inches down and there must be the exact right amount of pillow showing out from under the comforter on top (or what I like to call pillow cleavage), all to be demolished within seconds of getting into bed. Precise. Maybe also neurotic, but definitely precise. For me, precision is calming—its organized, its dependable, and it creates a standard that can be met and a goal that can be achieved, even on days when making the bed might be the only goal you feel you can meet—and there’s nothing more satisfying than turning down your bed and jumping in after a hard day.

I am frank. I could have said honest, but my dad’s name is Frank, so hi Dad, I’m frank too. Candor is not something I lack—in my mind, its better to say directly what you mean than to have people translate what they think you mean for you. It’s the most dangerous game of telephone you can play. To be frank means knowing where the line lies between the brutality and dignity of honesty and not crossing it. To be able to say what you mean and mean what you say is crucial to your integrity and is a skill that must always be practiced.

When you think about who you are, about your self-image, what are the first seven words that come to mind? Are they positive? Negative? Critical? More than half of my seven words have been used as criticisms towards me—I’m too stubborn or too loud or too introverted or too precise, yet I use those words to build up my self-image rather than tear it down. What others perceive as our greatest character flaws have the potential to become our strengths, our most brilliant qualities. I challenge you to always find the very best in your seven words and beyond. After all, they are yours and nobody else’s.

It’s nice to meet you. Who are you?

Much love Desirėe xx


About Desirėe Toldo:

 

Empowering & Reclaiming Self – Written By Jo Cruise

Article Written By Jo Cruise

Self-esteem is the value that we place upon ourselves. It’s our emotional and mental thought processes that can either cultivate a healthy or damaging sense of self-worth.

Developing sturdy self-esteem is vital for our all-round emotional, psychological and emotional well-being. So, what can jeopardise this and how does this impact our overall perception of self?

Self-esteem is a by-product, a symptom of something much more deeply rooted in our spiritual psyche. When we feel whole and complete all aspects of our emotional, mental and spiritual aspects are functioning in harmony. It’s as though we’re flowing in tune with the Divine ebb and flow of life. We feel a sense of connection, direction and inspiration and everything we do comes from our inner knowing of self and our place in the Universe.

Here, there is only love, and the self as a Divine reflection can only ever feel worthy. So, what can break this connection? How can our spirit become fractured? Over the years I’ve worked in many different settings; community mental health teams, drug and alcohol services, domestic violence outreach programmes and more and I’ve helped many people reacquaint their relationship to self. I believe this journey also encompasses a re-connection to their spiritual aspect and higher self.

But, it’s often a difficult path to navigate. For example, everyone’s heard the saying ‘the dark night of the soul’, this can be the pre-cursor of a re-integration of self through a series of soul shifts. It can also drive a person to the outer most reaches of self, a lonely and desolate place. Anyone who’s ventured to these outlands of the ‘shadow self’ know what this means for the self.

This is a place of dis-empowerment, there exists here a feeling of dis-embodiment from the self, where the spirit has receded and the person feels broken and lost. A growing feeling of disconnection emerges and this adversely affects self-worth. I know, because I’ve journeyed to that place. I’ve stood on the precipice of the gaping black hole and fallen deeply into it.

This resulted in my own reclamation of self and happened because my soul felt abandoned by my mind, body and spirit. Of course, my soul never abandoned me, it waited patiently always with me, bearing witness to the pain and suffering I was enduring. But, from this place, which sounds a stark and cold reality, something was happening. I was undergoing a transformation and the time came when I was ready to swim through the turbulent waters and resurface. Finally, leaving the depths of my shadow outlands behind.

This metamorphosis happened because I underwent a cataclysmic erosion of self and it was only when I pulled myself back up that I realised this is what had happened. Now, many years later my sense of self is very different. I’ve healed and grown through these experiences and have used them to positively impact the lives of others.

As a survivor of life, I understand how I can utilise my personal power and autonomy to help others. I don’t think there’s anything more inhumane than ignoring the plight of those you’re able to empower, enable and encourage. I’m an advocate and inspirer and I believe that’s what we should all be, even more so if we have experienced difficulties in life. Our struggles and survival through them, gives hope to others. Overcoming challenges demonstrates that there is always an opportunity to grow and evolve through our shadow times and that is invaluable.

When we transmute our pain to inspire others and help them to develop a closer, loving relationship with the heart and soul of who they are, we are privileged to be able to do so. The human journey is a life-long lesson in getting to know ourselves. A lot of the time we arrive at that knowledge through the relationships we develop with other people. But, it’s only when we realise our own worth that the value of our life becomes a sacred series of lessons. Each one allowing us to explore our inner world in a little more detail. If we give ourselves permission to feel unconditional love for ourselves, without judgement and without fear we are arriving close to the truth of who we are.

Thank you so much for reading, much love

Jo xx


About Jo:

Jo Cruise Coach and Mentor

For over 20 years Jo has been enabling people to reclaim their authentic self, through integrating the; mind, body, spiritual and emotional dimensions of their lives. She empowers her clients to regain more clarity, confidence and courage to birth their inspired ideas into the world. Helping them achieve the personal success and fulfilment they deserve.

www.joannecruise.co.uk

www.Instagram.com/joanne_cruise

www.twitter.com/Jo_Crui

 

 

3 Elements to Boost Positive Self-Esteem

by Trilby Johnson – Author and Body Energy Alchemist.

Writer for The Missing Piece Magazine

Self-Esteem is very much a question of connection. In my experience, it’s first and foremost about the connection you have with yourself. It’s how you think about yourself and feel about yourself! It’s also the manner in which you talk to and about yourself.

For many years I struggled with low self-esteem. In fact, I basically hated myself and my life was miserable because of this. I believed what others had told me about myself and it hurt. What hurt so much, was that I knew deep down inside that all of that simply wasn’t true – and yet I let myself down.

For me to get from that place of not liking or loving myself at all, to a place where I had a higher level of self-esteem, took a while and a lot of honest introspection. So in this issue, I want to share with you, 3 of the elements that I consciously chose to add to my life and which helped me to boost a higher and healthier sense of self-esteem.

Image courtesy of Pixabay

  1. Element of Self-Love

Having been someone who didn’t love myself very much, I can guarantee you that Loving Yourself is the most important thing you will even do. Not only for yourself – also for the other people in your life.

Then, it’s about how you connect to others in ways that either support or disempower your level of self-esteem. The reason is that, when you truly love yourself and allow yourself to be who you truly are – the good, the bad, the ugly and all the other bits – you are a Gift – to everybody you know and meet!  You can be confident. You can let go of the doubt, guilt and shame – all of which were probably not yours to begin with.

It took me a long time – through depression, abusive relationships and situations, suicidal tendencies and many low and dark moments – until I realized that all I really wanted, was to love myself.

So please give your permission today, if you are not yet there, to LOVE YOURSELF. It is soooo important!

Self-esteem is a by-product of loving yourself and not vice-verse. So make sure your are not missing out on this crucial boosting element.

  1. Element of Worth

I have worked with so many people, who believe that they are not enough. I know how that feels – I used to be like that. They believe that if they try harder or hard enough, if they give more, if they behave in a certain way, that finally they would be enough … and be worthy of other people’s praise, love, approval, or something else.

I have witnessed it and felt it myself – the huge sense of relief that comes with finally accepting and knowing that I am enough already. That I am worthy. And with this, the knowing that we are all worthy!!!

There is nothing to prove, despite that so many of us have been duped into believe it is something to be achieved or earned. The problems arise when we start to doubt or are led astray by other’s opinions and when we think that we have to DO something to Be Enough. We are enough . . . evident in the fact that Life itself has given us Life. We are enough!

So please, choose to know that you are worthy. This choice will add and boost your self-esteem.

  1. Element of Safety

This may surprise many people – I know it did me, when I realized that not feeling safe had a huge impact on my sense of self-esteem. Many of us are so afraid of the judgement of others. Perhaps even more so and subconsciously, we are afraid of our own judgement. I don’t know about you, but I have often been my harshest and most unforgiving critic!

I can remember the acute sense of relief I experience when I finally let go of judging myself and wanting to control everything … aahhhhh … it was amazing! I began to feel safe.

When you feel safe, you feel okay when you make mistakes. It feels safe even when you don’t always know exactly what to do, all of the time. It feels safe for you to be You – with or without other people’s approval.

When you don’t feel safe, worthy nor love yourself, these mindsets create a gravitational pull to everything ‘out there’ that matches these lower states of self-esteem. Life will serve you up the very things you fear. Life will show you perhaps adversely where you need to boost your levels of love, worthiness and feeling safe.

Safety is an inner state of being. Yes, you can live in a dangerous places – I’ve done that – and even in these situations, you can still feel safe. You can begin by claiming I love myself, I am enough and I am worthy, I am always safe! Even if at first you don’t quite believe or feel it completely. Claiming and declaring these will boost your self-esteem no end.

This does not mean there will not be days that are difficult nor that you will not have dips in your self-esteem. Simple no longer feed them and soon you will find yourself bouncing back. You will begin to enjoy the benefits of high self-esteem like feeling more confident, happier, healthier and more successful in your daily endeavours.

YOU are your most priceless and valuable commodity! Believe in yourself and your self-esteem will follow. Boost it daily with thoughts, words and feelings of  love, worth and safety that will provide you with a healthy and loving connection and web of self-esteem.

Thank you so much for reading, much love

Trilby xx


Trilby Johnson
Author, Speaker and Body Energy Alchemist
Connect The Essence of Who You Truly Are!
Blog – https://trilbyjohnsontheconnective.com/blogconnectiveharmony

SELF-ESTEEM

Written By Doneane Beckcom

When people meet me for the first time and learn about who I am, what all I do, and my many accomplishments, they have no idea that I ever struggled with self-esteem, stemming from being bullied from middle school all the way through college. My parents were wonderful at instilling in me the drive to succeed and that I could do anything I set my mind to; however, being bullied by people who were supposed to be my friends tore me down and made me feel self-conscious of my physical appearance.

I was one of those girls who was a very late bloomer. I shot up to 5’7” at about age 12, but I only weighed about 80 pounds and had no shape whatsoever. I towered over both the girls and boys from 6th grade until about 8th grade when they all started to catch up. But, when all of my girlfriends were starting to look more like women, I looked like a tall, skinny little boy. Even into high school, I still was thin and had no womanly curves whatsoever. Even my girlfriends made fun of me (I remember my best friend at the time telling me “something is wrong with you!”), and of course as the boys’ thoughts turned sexual, many of them chimed in also. This followed me all the way through my senior year in college, when it was mostly the young men who continued to taunt me. The last football season of my college years, when I was proud and honored to be the very first female Drum Major of our famed marching band, the band fraternity got together and bought me a big pair of fake plastic boobs and unveiled them after half time at the last game. I was mortified. I was a good sport though, and donned them as I conducted the fight song one last time. Whomever has pictures of this debacle I sure hope they have burned them by now!

When I left college and moved away, the feeling of looking inadequate as a young woman still haunted me, even though I was no longer being teased and bullied by anyone. I found out that I had some hormonal issues and suffered from fibrocystic breast disease, which had affected the growth of breast tissue and caused reproductive issues for me. After some treatment with medications, I opted to have a surgical procedure which removed about half of the breast tissue I had at the time (which was not much, I was not even an A cup at the time) and replaced it with implants. Of course, because of having been teased for so many years, I opted to have larger implants so that I would look “normal.” It was nothing drastic, I had a wonderful reconstructive surgeon who understood my concerns and made me look proportional and natural (I ended up as a small C cup which was perfect for my frame). I was finally happy with the way I looked and no longer concerned that anyone would tease me about my chest.

That surgery was 30 years ago. But when I think back on the people who taunted me and the things that were said, it is as if it was yesterday. Although it was partially medically necessary, it was also mental and cosmetic for me. And it is a shame that I had to feel that way about my appearance based on what other people said and did. And out of all of the many people who participated in the teasing through the years, only one of them ever apologized. It was a college guy, he was friends with my boyfriend at that time (who did not step up to defend me when his “brothers” taunted me, and yes I kicked him to the curb quickly!) and he tearfully confessed how horrible he felt for the things he had done and said to me and asked for forgiveness. Of course I accepted his apology and forgave him, but what about all those others who said and did awful things? Do they ever think about the 12-year-old girl or young college-aged woman they teased and how it made her feel? Were they bullied also and that is why they lashed out at me? These are things that I still ponder on occasion, especially when I hear about a young woman or man harming themselves because of being bullied. My daughter lost a close friend to suicide when they were only 13 years old, he had been bullied by other boys in the locker room and killed himself when he lost hope that no one would make them stop. He is only one of many that we hear about all over the world who lose hope because of being bullied.

So what is the take away here? First, if you have been bullied and your self esteem has been trampled upon, know that it is not your fault. Seek help from a trusted friend or a counselor if you cannot shake the feelings of inadequacy that bullying can manifest in your thoughts. Next, if you are a parent of a young child, start early in not only uplifting them, but also teaching them not to tease others and to tell an adult if they know someone is being teased or bullied. Innocent teasing can hurt just as bad as intentional bullying. Had my parents not been so supportive and uplifting of me, always assuring me that I was beautiful and smart and could do anything, I cannot imagine how things may have been different. Last and most important, if you suspect or know that your child (or a friend of your child) has been bullied, step in! Get to the bottom of it, request a meeting with teacher, counselor, parent of the bully, anyone and everyone in order to stop and correct the behavior. Some children may not reach out to a parent or other adult, but may reach out to your child, so if your child tells you about another child being bullied, please step in. You may be the only adult who does anything about it and prevents tragedy from happening.

Self esteem can be fragile. Handle with care, always, whether it is yours or that of someone else. Once damaged, it can be very difficult to repair and may take years to overcome the pain. Even those of us who appear strong and like we “have it all together” on the outside can still be the hurt and scared child who was bullied years ago.

Thank you so much for reading, much love

Doneane Beckcom
CEO, Bold Radio Station
Certified Fitness Nutrition Specialist
Fitness Nutrition Consulting, LLC

How to Say Goodbye to Disempowering Words

It is time to part with those words that have disempowered you for your entire life; the words that people conform to themselves on a daily basis which stop them moving forward or ever becoming what they dream and desire to be.

The words I am talking about are:

• I can’t
• I wish
• I hope
• I don’t know how
• It’s not possible
• I could never do that
• If only
• I should really be doing this
• If only I knew how
• I should have
• Yes but
• Maybe one day
• I’m sorry, I can’t

These words will continue to keep you stuck in the position you are in and will never help you move forward with your life. The longer you continue to say these words out loud, you are confirming to yourself that you are choosing not to find a way around whatever obstacle is impeding your path in life.
The language you use can empower you so that you are in control, OR it can have the opposite effect and disempower you, which is then assigning you the role of a victim.

The words that you habitually use affect how you communicate with yourself and how you experience your life. By simply changing the words you use, you can completely change the course of your life and the decisions you make.
The words you use carry energy and have the power to influence what happens in your life and work. Many of these words were programmed into you as a child along with the belief systems they support. Simply being aware of our words and shifting our language can lead to higher energy and success in your life.

Empowering Words:

Let’s look at the words that will empower you and change the way you do things in the future. The words you can now choose to use are empowering and you are making positive statements with these words every time you speak them out loud.

Your words can now be replaced with:

• I will do this
• I am going to
• I choose not to
• I want to
• I am
• I feel
• I intend to
• My goal is
• Yes
• No
• I want to know more
• I will make this happen

I am sure you can see the major difference in these words compared to the disempowering words. Look at the power these words hold. Just think of what you can achieve each day by switching your words to empowering ones. All you have to do becomes aware of the disempowering words you are using and switch to using the empowering words listed above. It is that simple.

Now let’s look at changing how you express yourself to others when they ask you how you are. When people say, “how are you today?” we often reply with, “I’m all right, thanks,” or, “I’m okay.” These words are also disempowering you! Let’s change these statements to: “I feel great today, thank you,” and “I’m feeling really empowered today.” Do you see the difference?
Now say these statements right now (yes , now!):

I feel empowered today.
I feel awesome today, thank you.
Didn’t that feel so much better when you said that? Instead of the usual disempowering, “I’m okay.”

Really become aware of how you hold yourself when you speak the disempowering words versus when you say the empowering words. You will notice that when you are speaking of the empowering list your head will be up and your back will be straight and you will be feeling ready to take on the day! But when you read from the disempowering words list… where are you looking? And how is your body reacting to this? Your body is hunched over and your eyes are on the floor. Can you see how much of an energy drain these words are? The best part of this is that you have control over this and you can change the way you hold yourself in a crowd just by changing your vocabulary.

All you are doing is replacing old habits with new ones and reaping the rewards for doing so. Yes, even the words we say and the body language we use with these words are habits, just like the rest of the habits you have been changing in this program. This is no different!

Isn’t it a truly amazing feeling to be aware of the control you can have over YOUR OWN LIFE?

Have a wonderful rest of your week!

Much Love

Kate xx

Five Keys to Avoid Overwhelm By Alyssa Cruise

 

Guest Blog: Written By Alyssa Cruise.

Before I share the five keys, I want to clarify the difference between overwhelm and burnout. Overwhelm is often an in-the-moment feeling and can be triggered by stress. It leaves us feeling as though we can’t handle everything going on around us.

However, unlike overwhelm, burn out happens when we haven’t been listening to the signals our body sends, we become exhausted and before long we’ve reached burnout.

This article focuses upon overwhelm, how to avoid it and how you can kiss overwhelm goodbye for good!

 

  1. Just Say No!

Are you saying no enough?  As someone who is most probably empowered, passionate and creative you have already learnt to say yes to lots of things. In most cases this is a positive practice. Saying yes pushes us out of our comfort zones. It opens amazing new doors of opportunity and growth. However, before you reach burn out check in with yourself and ask yourself; “am I saying yes to too many things?”

You can easily begin to feel overwhelmed when you can’t manage your obligations fully. Or perhaps you’ve taken on too many responsibilities. Now’s the time to take an objective step back and see if there are areas in your life that you could ‘trim back on’ to suit you better. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help, as feeling burdened is one sure way to lead to overwhelm.

2. Start Your Day Right

When we start our day in the right frame of mind we feel more in control of our lives. Have you ever had a day you woke up late for something? Perhaps it left you feeling flustered and agitated and then you noticed how the rest of the day seemed to follow suit. Yes, we are human and those days can happen to us all. But when those days become more than a one off is when overwhelm will become a problem.

Begin your day in the most peaceful and productive way possible. The first thing I do is drink water with fresh lemon and yes, I do this before I check my phone, social media or emails! After waking we need to fuel our bodies. I also read a chapter from a book that inspires and motivates me. This offers me focus and intention for my own purpose that day.

Think about how you can start your day in the most positive and empowered way and come up with morning routines that nourish and nurture you. Maybe stretches, yoga or listening to an uplifting podcast. Having a morning ritual such as these, makes it very hard for overwhelm to find you and try to bring you down.

 

2. Don’t Hop Around

See if you recognise yourself in any of these statements.

  • I structure my workdays
  • I move methodically from one project to the next, with space between each
  • I finish one task and then move immediately to another
  • I have many tasks on the go at any one time
  • I’m restless and constantly checking social media, emails etc., while planning my day

When we create a schedule we’re less likely to face overwhelm. If we give ourselves set time between each task to reboot and reset, we’ll feel less stressed and better able to cope with the demands of our job. Unlike ‘hopping’ around with no organised plan, which can easily lead to overwhelm.

 

3. Tidy Up Time!

I remember as a young child in school we had ‘tidy up time’. This was a set amount of time for the end of the day where we would get our coats, bags, lunchbox and pens packed and ready to be taken home. Now as an adult I still remind myself to participate in this tidy up time, in a new, structured and practical way.

So, how can you implement this same philosophy into your busy day? It’s simple, take time before your day has finished to catch up on any loose ends. After all, when you get home to spend time with those you love, they should have your undivided attention. But, that’s difficult to do if you’re thinking about that last email you should have sent, or the phone call you forgot to make.

By scheduling in 30 minutes before the end of each day, you’re giving yourself the opportunity to review, evaluate and complete those tasks that just can’t wait. You’re taking control of a much better work/life balance and creating harmony between the two.

 

4. Be the Captain of Your Own Attitude

Are you ready to be the captain of your attitudes and improve the way you approach life?

Overwhelm, simply put, is when we feel we have lost control of the moment that we are in. It can leave us feeling; flustered, confused and stressed. But, what if we approached every moment from a conscious place of confidence, high energy and trust?

When unforeseen circumstances arise are you going to be the person who yells out, ‘I don’t know what to do!’ or are you going to be the person who calmly says to yourself, ‘I don’t have a plan right this second, but I know all things can be figured out and resolved’.

The decision is yours. If you make a conscious choice in every moment to stand in your own personal power, you are the calm within the storm. Decide to be the voice of reason when everyone else is in chaos.

 

Leave Overwhelm Behind for Good

Implement these strategies and;

  • learn what to say no to
  • start your day right
  • enjoy a better work/life balance
  • prioritise tasks
  • be in control your own thoughts and
  • you will very rarely feel overwhelmed again

We cannot see what the future holds, or what awaits us. But, we can breathe deeply and make a promise to ourselves that we will learn to handle everything we’re faced with. Whatever we have on our plate we can deal with….one step at a time.

Thank you so much for reading! I will see you in the next issue of The Missing Piece Magazine.

Much Love

Alyssa xx

Coach, Writer, Spiritual Life Hacks at alyssacruise.com

 

 

Mums Fix Everything Right? Well I Couldn’t f***ing Fix This!

Day 1:

Well, at least that is what I thought and for the past 20 years, that is all I have been doing. “Mum I need you to fix this it’s not working”, “Mum how do I make this happen”, “Mum what do I do with this?”
If you are a parent you know them statements only too well from your children and you have adopted that role of the “fixer”. Well, I wish that was possible for me yesterday, but it wasn’t.

Nothing I could do could fix the situation we were in and I felt useless. When I received that call at 6:30 am in the morning to tell me my daughters waters had broken and she was on her way to the hospital, I sprang into fixer mode and started packing her hospital bag. We were so unorganised because she was only 27 weeks into her pregnancy and this was unexpected.

I rushed around like a headless chicken fixing the hospital bag cancelling all meetings that day and calling my partner back from work. As soon as Matthew arrived home we chucked everything in the car and headed to the hospital. I tried frantically to get in touch with my daughter on the way to the hospital, but she was not answering. 20 minutes later she called me to say she had delivered the baby but it was not looking good.

I was only 10 minutes away from the hospital at this time, now I was in shock in tears and needed to get there soon as possible. We pulled up in the hospital car park and grabbed the bag out the boot of the car and my phone rang again. It was Emily to tell me that the baby had passed away. I couldn’t breathe, I felt like somebody had punched me in the stomach. Now how the fuck am I suppose to fix this?

With tears streaming down my face I grabbed the hospital bag and ran to the special baby unit. When we arrived we were guided to a side room called the “Snow Drop” suite. The midwife could have been talking French for all I know, the only words I remembered her saying was “I am so sorry for your loss” the rest was a blur.

I just needed that urgency of holding my child because right now she would need her mother. I sat down on the sofa in the Snow Drop suite and waited for what seemed like 5 hours, but was only 10 minutes.
The double doors opened and the midwives pushed Emily’s hospital bed into the room. I turned my head back to the door and stood in the door frame was Mark holding his tiny son wrapped in a white towel.
Mark sat next to me and cried his heart out while holding his son. I held Mark and told him how sorry I was and I looked down at the little bundle he was holding. He passed me the bundle and I held him in my arms, he was still warm and he was the most beautiful thing I had laid eyes on.

His head was to the side and his mouth open, trying to get my mind to understand he was not alive was challenging. Every ounce of me hoped and prayed for a tiny noise or some movement, but nothing.
My tears fell from my cheeks onto his forehead. I passed him to my partner and walked over to the bed and sat next to Emily and hugged her and told her how sorry I was. She looked at me and said “Sorry for what mum? You have no need to be sorry”.

The rest of the morning was spent gathering footprints, hand prints and a lock of hair from David. I offered to wash him and dress him for his photo’s. His tiny body was stuck to the white towel he had been wrapped in and I had to peel the towel every so gently away from his skin, carefully not to tear his delicate skin. I wash him down with baby wipes to clean all the blood off his skin from the top of his neck to the bottom of his dinky toes.

He had really long legs, big hands and big feet, but so do all the boys in our family. His little legs had become black from no circulation or heartbeat in his tiny little body and he had a little bruise on his nose and chest where the nurses had tried to resuscitate him for over 30 minutes. I dressed him in a little white vest and wrapped him back up in his blanket and lifted him up to my face to get a better look at him. I wanted to take in every detail of his face while I had the chance. I kissed his cheek and could feel his cold skin against my lips.
I placed him back in mum’s arms and the vicar arrived to baptise him. We had a lovely little ceremony and he was blessed and his soul was released to heaven, where he lays in Jesus’ arms until the day we meet him again. I thanked the vicar for the lovely ceremony and he looked at me and said: “I am so sorry for your loss, there are no words to console your pain right now”.

I looked at him with my tear stained face and said: “Mum’s usually fix everything, this is something I cannot fix”, the vicar looked at me and said, “I know, God bless you and your family”. I shook his hand and thanked him for baptising David and he left the room.

I and Matthew spent the next hour with David and said our goodbyes forever. I took some photos of him and his foot and hand prints and kissed my daughter goodbye. This was now her time to spend alone with him until she decided she was ready to say goodbye.

We found out from the medical report that the placenta detached itself from Emily’s womb, which is why her waters broke and why David passed away. Even though this is a hard tragic time right now, I am so appreciative of the time I spent with my first grandson. I am so glad I made the choice to spend that time with him and to wash him and dress him because that will stay with me forever.

Today is a new day, and we have to move forward even if it’s a tiny step at a time. Emily is still in the hospital and the doctors don’t want to discharge her until tomorrow. So from there, she will decide what kind of funeral she would like for David and how it will happen.
I didn’t think in a million years I would be burying my grandson before Christmas, but I do know that everything happens for a reason in life and even know I could not fix this, I know there is a reason for all of this and even though it does not make any sense right now. It will do further down my journey.

Day 2:
Acceptance?
Such an easy word to say, but in reality is the hardest thing you have to do. This is the part where you have to take responsibility for your reality and see the situation for what it is and how it is.
However, even though you are seeing the reality of the situation and accepting that it has happened and seeing it for what it is, you shouldn’t see it worse than it is.

You have to still remember that each day the world keeps turning and life keeps moving. You have to also understand that no matter how much pain you are hurting there is still those that need you. Those that still need you to guide them. Especially if you are someone that thousands of people on a daily basis look to for inspiration and to be led and most importantly a grandmother to another grandchild.

Throughout the journey of leadership, you have to really separate yourself sometimes from what is going on around you in order to keep focused on the things that need to keep moving forward. When people are looking at you day in day out (and we are talking thousands of people here) not just 1 or 2 who I can say “It’s alright to put this off for a few weeks and I will come back to you”. No, we are talking about HUGE dreams that have been placed in my responsibility to help make a reality I can’t just let it all crumble and say “fuck this” and walk away.

I was trusted with huge responsibility and with great power comes massive responsibility. So, even if it’s for a few hours, 45 minutes or even 10 minutes of the day I still need to lead a team to point them in the right direction of where they need to be in order to make the clients dreams still become reality.

I won’t lie it’s taking every ounce of mental strength I have daily to keep one leadership shoe on, support my daughter through the death of her son and start to help plan an infant’s funeral. Yesterday was extremely painful to lay me bare in front of you and to share the painful story of events that happened only 48 hours ago. However, like most writers, it can be amazing therapy and realise of the feelings that I am feeling so they are not locked up inside and driving me insane.

It’s also a great way for you and me to connect on a personal level. So that you can see that even though someone can succeed in so many ways it makes us no different on the human side. Shit still happens in my world and if any leader describes their life has perfect then they are talking out of their arse. Leadership is HARD and a TOUGH road and it is not for everyone, hence the reason why only very few actually make it.

There are two different types of people, leaders and followers. I was created for the leading part and in every situation no matter in personal life or business, I lead the rest of the group. Sometimes days are tough and some days it’s really really tough, but the overall outcome is priceless. I slipped into them leadership shoes for 30 minutes before the sun came up so to keep all projects on track and keep the client’s dreams on the road to reality.

Now, as I sit here and watch the sunrise on a new day, on the 3rd day of loss in our family. I have learnt to accept the situation that David is gone. My daughter has also accepted that she now needs to plan a funeral and take her first steps to call the funeral director.

One day all of this will make sense to why it happened and the pieces of God’s plan will form sensibility of it all. Until then all I know is that writing about it and sharing my journey really stops me going insane.
Thank you for all your messages, comments and love that you are sharing with me. There is too many to keep up with and reply to so I send you all one big thank you!

Here’s to a new sunrise, a new day, another little step towards healing.

Taken from David’s diary, written by Kate Gardner.

 

Take Advice from the Already Successful

This is the biggest piece of advice I could give anyone who is on their journey towards building their online business. This is something I learnt at the very beginning of my own journey, and I have never looked back.

If you’re looking for information on how to be successful, ask successful people themselves. You will be surprised at how many of them are really helpful and are willing to talk about how they became successful in the first place. Or help you and teach you how they did it.

Social networking sites are very powerful tools and can be used to your advantage to either build what you are creating or receive support from the most amazing people in the world. It’s not just there to communicate with your friends—it’s also there to be used as a tool. So use it to your advantage!

However, I must warn you! It does have its downsides of some service providers/coaches promising you the Earth but never delivering or people calling themselves social media experts, when really they only have 500 followers on their page.

Find a person from your area of interest that is an expert and has become successful at what you wish to achieve! Ask them for some advice, or see how they can train you. This will then give you information on how to become successful in the field yourself. Their advice will point out the areas that you need to work on in order to reach your goals.

At the beginning of this week, I came up with the idea that I was going to start publishing 100 of the best coaches in the back of every issue of The Missing Piece magazine. This way our readers can access a trustworthy list of the best coaches handpicked by myself, in many different niches, so that they can be completely comfortable knowing that the people in that directory have ACTUALLY achieved what you wish to learn and apply to your own life.

Building a business isn’t easy, and with all the distractions around you and promises from people who promise to teach you 6 figures in 6 weeks, it can be stressful, overwhelming and sometimes completely confusing who to trust???? Well, never fear in asking anyone what they have achieved. Never be scared to come right out and ask (before you have paid them) “What have you achieved in your own life/business to this date?”

If they can’t give you the answers that really impress you or make you think “Wow I want to learn how to do that” then obviously it would be a waste of your time, and money to pay them. You would basically come away more frustrated then you went into the mentorship with them.

You worked hard for your cash, so invest it wisely! You deserve to live out your dreams and passions and be taught right by the right people. So never fear to ask before you invest, research the person before you invest, find out more about the person before you invest.

This little piece of research could lead to saving you a broken heart and money that could have been invested elsewhere to somebody who could help you! I look forward to publishing the top 100 coaches in our magazine issues to help you find the right coach for you!

You can expect our 100 coach directory to start appearing in our August 17th, 2017 issue. Over the course of the next 12 months, I will be looking to grow the directory up to 100 coaches in all different niches. These coaches will be TRUSTED and WILL bring change to your life!

I am excited to bring them to you!

Have a wonderful Thursday, and may this day be the best one yet!

Much Love

Kate xx