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A Valuable Mindset by Trilby Johnson

Article Written By Trilby Johnson

“Mind what you are saying, especially about and to yourself.
Because you always tend to believe it.”
– Trilby Johnson

Mindset, is all about the stories we tell ourselves as well as what motives us when making the decisions and taking the actions we do. Our mindset consists of belief systems that we learn as children and that will inform much of our lives as adults. Beliefs are the mental building blocks we have that help us to make sense of the world around us and which many use to draw meaning about their lives from. Mindset is important because it fuels our attitudes and the way it which we respond to situations and other people and it helps us to form habits.

For much of our lives, we operate from these conscious and subconscious mindsets. Depending on the quality of the predominant mindset however, as we go through different life stages, situations and experiences, a specific mindset which may have been suitable and effective beforehand, no longer offers the most appropriate results and outcomes and may require reassessment and updating to something new.

Sounds straightforward for sure. Yet many people struggle with this. Firstly, because these mindsets are often operating on a subconscious level as well as being habitual and automatic behaviours and responses. And so whilst a person may really desire to change a specific belief and attitude, they may experience resistance. For instance, a person who lacks self-confidence may desire to feel more confident. And so they may choose to believe they are more confident and there may even be an improvement in their confidence levels  – like the ‘fake it till you make it’ slogan. This may work for a while. However, faking it will not be sustainable for very long and often the older more habitual mindset can pull them down. This is the reason that in my opinion and experience, positive affirmations can only take someone so far, before there needs to be another shift to the next level.

Image courtesy of pixabay.com

To experience mindset in an evergreen way, there is more to mindset than mere beliefs. They are indeed the building blocks to how we choose to function in the world. Yet humans are also sentient beings and so much of our prioritizing is based on our value system, which is the foundation of our building blocks. This aspect is often overlooked when it comes to wanting to install new belief patterns. The reason, in my experience, that there can be so much resistance is because when our values and our beliefs are not in alignment, we experience resistance and feel that we have to force or struggle in life.

Our values are a set of core principles that we use in making decision across our lives and are based on importance and need. Not to be confused with your beliefs, which are basically assumptions that we take to be true. Tension can arise when two important values come into play and create a feeling of conflict, when it comes to making important decisions. For instance, whether to stay in a job that is no longer satisfying and boring for security reasons and because that’s how it’s been there for years. Or go for a new job or lifestyle where it would be possible to express more creativity and independence, although it’s risking financial security.

In a case like this, there may be several conflicting beliefs, feelings and circumstances that need to be managed. More often than not, a person can feel pulled in different directions and this makes choosing the correct mindset and attitude challenging. Values come from the heart and beliefs come from the head. So the challenge is finding a happy medium that makes resetting our minds easier.

To do this, prioritizing and updating your values is very important because situations and options are changing all the time, as we grow and expand. Here’s an example! A few years ago, I decided I wanted to be happier and healthier and release the struggle that seem to always appear. So I sat down and did an evaluation and prioritization of my values. One of my top three priorities was ‘security’. Imagine my astonishment when I realized that happiness and health were not even in my top 10! So I had to shift my beliefs around ‘being safe’ and looking at ‘happiness and health’ in a new way. This change in priorities and values, helped me shift my thinking and establish a new mindset, that incorporated all of these values.

Here is a short exercise to help you identify your top 10 core values are:
Sit down and write down the first things that come to mind that are important to you in your life. (If you need examples of values, just google values and you can find lists to draw from.)

  1. Rank them from 1 to 10 with 1 being the most important and 10 the least.
  2. Then ask yourself if these are still valid for you?
  3. Are these values truly your own?
  4. When sorted, ask if there are any ‘new’ values that you wish to add? Add and rank them.
  5. Reflect on what has come up and also write down any of the beliefs that may have popped up. For example, health depends on genetic make-up; or if I am happy people will think I am selfish etc.
  6. If the values identified are not in your top 10, I invite you to add them in. Then sit back and watch what shows up.
  7. Repeat often.

Actively participating in setting our values, helps to prioritize and activate them in both the conscious and subconscious mind. This dynamic is what fuels a powerful and positive intention, attitude and mindset. Having a valuable mindset, requires adding value to our lives and ensuring when and how our mindset serves us best as we grow and expand.

Much Love, Trilby

p.s. Would you like a great resource of original inspiration to support shifting your thinking? My book ‘A-Ha Moments’ is available online and will support you in having your own a-ha moments.


Trilby Johnson is an Author, Speaker and Body Energy Alchemist. She supports conscious and forward-thinking individuals to move from pain to resolution by resolving the core imbalances that destabilize and limit them, leaving them stuck in the muck of trauma and pain. When they connect the essence of who they truly are, they realize and align with their full potential and live happy, healthy and successful lives, on their own terms.

 

Website : http://www.trilbyjohnsontheconnective.com
Email: info@trilbyjohnsontheconnective.com

 

Mirror, Mirror – By Donna Davis

Article Written By Donna Davis

 

Can you do it? Can you really look at yourself in the mirror?  Not a passing glance to check your teeth, your hair or your outfit.  I’m talking about looking directly into your eyes.

This may not be an easy feat.  Some might say it’s actually ridiculous. My question is Why? Why is so odd to take a few minutes, look directly into your own eyes and send yourself some loving, happy thoughts?  Maybe even some gratitude?

With all you do, manage and juggle, why is it that you seem to be last on your list for a good word or a smile – just for YOU?

Why have we become so complacent with the fact that so many others have opinions about and expectations of us that we have very little to no time to show our own selves some kindness?

Is it really so hard to find one good thing to say about yourself-to yourself?

When was the last time that you checked in with how you were feeling? REALLY feeling. Not the superficial day-to-day, mundane, autopilot response or routine?

Do you have a minute or two just for you? Is it really all that difficult? Seriously. 60 seconds. You can try almost anything for 60 seconds.

I dare you! I dare you to set a timer, look into your own eyes and say –in an honest, meaningful way, one kind truth about yourself and share a smile with the most important person in your life-YOU!

This may seem strange at first or even uncomfortable. Instead of questioning why you should be kind to yourself, why not question why you haven’t been. What has gotten in the way?  What has beaten you down? When did time become such a limited resource and how did YOU get taken out of the equation? What has you so distracted that is seemingly more important than you?

Have we allowed ourselves to get so caught up in pleasing others or wanting their approval that we have starved ourselves from our own attention and priority? It has been so easy for dream stealers and bullies to wear us down to the point of our very self-esteem being on the endangered list. Most of the time its subliminal, cultural and very social.  Its all over the internet. Do you measure up? Are you good enough? How much multitasking can you do? How many hours can you put in? Can you dress like them or act like her or fit in with all the Jones’ that are left, right and center? After a while, this can have you wondering “Which way is up!?”

This doesn’t have to be the case.  It’s time to reconnect. Find the you that has always been there. The you that needs time and attention and love.  Learn to be there for you. Even when not many others are or can be. We are all trying to fit in, get ahead, do the best we can. Most times it’s a struggle and takes a lot out of us. What is left inside?

Take a look.  Look into those tired, weary eyes and somewhere behind all that doubt and fear and pain – is the vulnerable, beautiful you that has been waiting –waiting for you to take notice- to spare a moment or two and a kind word- and a smile.  Nothing extravagant. Something so simple and meaningful. Something so special and necessary that it can actually be magical! It can work wonders to build your self-esteem back up to somewhere higher than it has ever been, higher than you thought possible.  It’s time to love yourself again – or even for the first time. You matter. You are worth it. You have been waiting.  Waiting for permission, for approval for the very love than you need and have been seeking elsewhere.  Very rarely do we find it so completely and easily from outside of ourselves. We try over and over again in vain until we finally realize it has been inside us all along.  It’s time to connect with that, to pay attention to that, to smile at that.

It’s not too late. You can be your own best friend, your own best cheerleader, your own best ally. It’s what the very essence of you needs. Can you be the one to provide it for yourself?

So, can you do it? Can you really look at yourself in the mirror?  I think you can.  If it’s hard for you to do at first you can use the virtual smile that I’m sending to you right now. Keep it somewhere safe, perhaps in your heart. And whenever you can’t seem to find one of your own, remember that you have a spare one that I sent over to you.  Take good care of it, match it with your own and then you will have two, just in case you have a rough day. And while I’m thinking about it…here…have a hug. The next time that you look in the mirror- bring out the smile and the hug and you’ll be sure to have a better day!  🙂

Much Love, Donna xx


About Donna Davis:

As The Menopause Fairy I now help other women fine tune their lives as they discover their “A-HA MOMENTS” and discover happiness and pursue their true purpose. Over the years I have had the honor and privilege of helping women all over the world get clear on their dreams and goals while helping and supporting them as they found their balanced hormonal health and peace. Find out more at: http://themenopausefairy.com/

Seven Words – Written By Desirėe Toldo

Written By Desirėe Toldo

 

Stubborn. Loud. Introverted. Passionate. Inquisitive. Precise. Frank. Seven words that capture the essence of who I am.

Seven words are what you need to learn what you believe about who you are. I often find that the words we use to describe ourselves find their origins in labels assigned to us so early on that they seem branded into our souls.

Our self esteems are so rooted in the opinions and words of others from such an early age, that by the time we are able to conceptualize our own self-image we are already so inundated with ideas about who we are that its difficult to separate who we are from who people think we are. We are a compilation of layers and layers of labels that ultimately create our self-concept; good, bad, or fierce.

So, who am I?

I am stubborn. The word comes to mind first because next to “Desirée”, its what I’m called most often. Being stubborn means you don’t accept an answer just because it’s an answer. It means you push beyond the point when most people stopped pushing. It means sometimes (lots of times?) you get yourself in trouble. But ultimately it means that you believe in something so strongly you’d stake a trip to Disney on it—belief like that is invaluable.

I am loud. I often say that I have no volume control, but being loud is to be expected when you’re a Cuban Italian girl from New York. Loud just comes with the territory. I speak loudly, I laugh loudly, I even sleep loudly. Our voices are the strongest tool we could possibly be armed with. Having a loud voice doesn’t always mean you will be listened to, but make no mistake, you will be heard.

I am introverted. If that’s not juxtaposition, I don’t know what is—loud and introverted. How can that be? I may have a loud voice, but my soul is quiet. I thrive in familiar settings with lots of books and snacks. I would choose a night in over a night out any given night. I’m the oldest 23-year-old I know and I love it. Being introverted forces you to step outside of your comfort zone quite often. You are faced with challenges that an extrovert wouldn’t give a second thought to, which means that you have the opportunity to overcome challenges often—its quite empowering.

I am passionate. I become even louder than normal when I begin talking about something that I’m passionate about (teaching, Disney, the Harry Potter series, food, etc.). My passion has afforded me a career, an opportunity to write my experiences down to be read across the world, a successful relationship, a stocked fridge…the list goes on. Passion is what fuels the soul—it’s the fortitude of your belief in something that drives you to pursue it at all costs. When it comes to your passion, stubborn isn’t a bad thing to be— never accept the answer you don’t want, always pursue your passion, always keep pushing.

I am inquisitive. I always have a follow-up question. Always. If I could swing it, being a student would be my fulltime job. I love to learn and I am always looking for something new to discover. If the family of one of my students speaks a language I am unfamiliar with, I research it—that’s how I discovered that the Igbo language is spoken in parts of Nigeria. If I come across a word I don’t know, I look it up—that’s how I learned what the word “tenable” meant after reading it on the back of a security guard’s shirt. I am always asking questions—of those around me, of my environment, of myself. Being inquisitive means never being satisfied with the amount of knowledge in your brain’s filing cabinets. There is always more to seek—knowledge truly is power and the more you know the stronger you can be.

I am precise. Some would say controlling, I say precise because I am precise. For example, there is an exact science to making a bed the right way—two pillows per side of the bed, the sheet and blankets must be folded four inches down and there must be the exact right amount of pillow showing out from under the comforter on top (or what I like to call pillow cleavage), all to be demolished within seconds of getting into bed. Precise. Maybe also neurotic, but definitely precise. For me, precision is calming—its organized, its dependable, and it creates a standard that can be met and a goal that can be achieved, even on days when making the bed might be the only goal you feel you can meet—and there’s nothing more satisfying than turning down your bed and jumping in after a hard day.

I am frank. I could have said honest, but my dad’s name is Frank, so hi Dad, I’m frank too. Candor is not something I lack—in my mind, its better to say directly what you mean than to have people translate what they think you mean for you. It’s the most dangerous game of telephone you can play. To be frank means knowing where the line lies between the brutality and dignity of honesty and not crossing it. To be able to say what you mean and mean what you say is crucial to your integrity and is a skill that must always be practiced.

When you think about who you are, about your self-image, what are the first seven words that come to mind? Are they positive? Negative? Critical? More than half of my seven words have been used as criticisms towards me—I’m too stubborn or too loud or too introverted or too precise, yet I use those words to build up my self-image rather than tear it down. What others perceive as our greatest character flaws have the potential to become our strengths, our most brilliant qualities. I challenge you to always find the very best in your seven words and beyond. After all, they are yours and nobody else’s.

It’s nice to meet you. Who are you?

Much love Desirėe xx


About Desirėe Toldo:

 

Empowering & Reclaiming Self – Written By Jo Cruise

Article Written By Jo Cruise

Self-esteem is the value that we place upon ourselves. It’s our emotional and mental thought processes that can either cultivate a healthy or damaging sense of self-worth.

Developing sturdy self-esteem is vital for our all-round emotional, psychological and emotional well-being. So, what can jeopardise this and how does this impact our overall perception of self?

Self-esteem is a by-product, a symptom of something much more deeply rooted in our spiritual psyche. When we feel whole and complete all aspects of our emotional, mental and spiritual aspects are functioning in harmony. It’s as though we’re flowing in tune with the Divine ebb and flow of life. We feel a sense of connection, direction and inspiration and everything we do comes from our inner knowing of self and our place in the Universe.

Here, there is only love, and the self as a Divine reflection can only ever feel worthy. So, what can break this connection? How can our spirit become fractured? Over the years I’ve worked in many different settings; community mental health teams, drug and alcohol services, domestic violence outreach programmes and more and I’ve helped many people reacquaint their relationship to self. I believe this journey also encompasses a re-connection to their spiritual aspect and higher self.

But, it’s often a difficult path to navigate. For example, everyone’s heard the saying ‘the dark night of the soul’, this can be the pre-cursor of a re-integration of self through a series of soul shifts. It can also drive a person to the outer most reaches of self, a lonely and desolate place. Anyone who’s ventured to these outlands of the ‘shadow self’ know what this means for the self.

This is a place of dis-empowerment, there exists here a feeling of dis-embodiment from the self, where the spirit has receded and the person feels broken and lost. A growing feeling of disconnection emerges and this adversely affects self-worth. I know, because I’ve journeyed to that place. I’ve stood on the precipice of the gaping black hole and fallen deeply into it.

This resulted in my own reclamation of self and happened because my soul felt abandoned by my mind, body and spirit. Of course, my soul never abandoned me, it waited patiently always with me, bearing witness to the pain and suffering I was enduring. But, from this place, which sounds a stark and cold reality, something was happening. I was undergoing a transformation and the time came when I was ready to swim through the turbulent waters and resurface. Finally, leaving the depths of my shadow outlands behind.

This metamorphosis happened because I underwent a cataclysmic erosion of self and it was only when I pulled myself back up that I realised this is what had happened. Now, many years later my sense of self is very different. I’ve healed and grown through these experiences and have used them to positively impact the lives of others.

As a survivor of life, I understand how I can utilise my personal power and autonomy to help others. I don’t think there’s anything more inhumane than ignoring the plight of those you’re able to empower, enable and encourage. I’m an advocate and inspirer and I believe that’s what we should all be, even more so if we have experienced difficulties in life. Our struggles and survival through them, gives hope to others. Overcoming challenges demonstrates that there is always an opportunity to grow and evolve through our shadow times and that is invaluable.

When we transmute our pain to inspire others and help them to develop a closer, loving relationship with the heart and soul of who they are, we are privileged to be able to do so. The human journey is a life-long lesson in getting to know ourselves. A lot of the time we arrive at that knowledge through the relationships we develop with other people. But, it’s only when we realise our own worth that the value of our life becomes a sacred series of lessons. Each one allowing us to explore our inner world in a little more detail. If we give ourselves permission to feel unconditional love for ourselves, without judgement and without fear we are arriving close to the truth of who we are.

Thank you so much for reading, much love

Jo xx


About Jo:

Jo Cruise Coach and Mentor

For over 20 years Jo has been enabling people to reclaim their authentic self, through integrating the; mind, body, spiritual and emotional dimensions of their lives. She empowers her clients to regain more clarity, confidence and courage to birth their inspired ideas into the world. Helping them achieve the personal success and fulfilment they deserve.

www.joannecruise.co.uk

www.Instagram.com/joanne_cruise

www.twitter.com/Jo_Crui

 

 

SELF-ESTEEM

Written By Doneane Beckcom

When people meet me for the first time and learn about who I am, what all I do, and my many accomplishments, they have no idea that I ever struggled with self-esteem, stemming from being bullied from middle school all the way through college. My parents were wonderful at instilling in me the drive to succeed and that I could do anything I set my mind to; however, being bullied by people who were supposed to be my friends tore me down and made me feel self-conscious of my physical appearance.

I was one of those girls who was a very late bloomer. I shot up to 5’7” at about age 12, but I only weighed about 80 pounds and had no shape whatsoever. I towered over both the girls and boys from 6th grade until about 8th grade when they all started to catch up. But, when all of my girlfriends were starting to look more like women, I looked like a tall, skinny little boy. Even into high school, I still was thin and had no womanly curves whatsoever. Even my girlfriends made fun of me (I remember my best friend at the time telling me “something is wrong with you!”), and of course as the boys’ thoughts turned sexual, many of them chimed in also. This followed me all the way through my senior year in college, when it was mostly the young men who continued to taunt me. The last football season of my college years, when I was proud and honored to be the very first female Drum Major of our famed marching band, the band fraternity got together and bought me a big pair of fake plastic boobs and unveiled them after half time at the last game. I was mortified. I was a good sport though, and donned them as I conducted the fight song one last time. Whomever has pictures of this debacle I sure hope they have burned them by now!

When I left college and moved away, the feeling of looking inadequate as a young woman still haunted me, even though I was no longer being teased and bullied by anyone. I found out that I had some hormonal issues and suffered from fibrocystic breast disease, which had affected the growth of breast tissue and caused reproductive issues for me. After some treatment with medications, I opted to have a surgical procedure which removed about half of the breast tissue I had at the time (which was not much, I was not even an A cup at the time) and replaced it with implants. Of course, because of having been teased for so many years, I opted to have larger implants so that I would look “normal.” It was nothing drastic, I had a wonderful reconstructive surgeon who understood my concerns and made me look proportional and natural (I ended up as a small C cup which was perfect for my frame). I was finally happy with the way I looked and no longer concerned that anyone would tease me about my chest.

That surgery was 30 years ago. But when I think back on the people who taunted me and the things that were said, it is as if it was yesterday. Although it was partially medically necessary, it was also mental and cosmetic for me. And it is a shame that I had to feel that way about my appearance based on what other people said and did. And out of all of the many people who participated in the teasing through the years, only one of them ever apologized. It was a college guy, he was friends with my boyfriend at that time (who did not step up to defend me when his “brothers” taunted me, and yes I kicked him to the curb quickly!) and he tearfully confessed how horrible he felt for the things he had done and said to me and asked for forgiveness. Of course I accepted his apology and forgave him, but what about all those others who said and did awful things? Do they ever think about the 12-year-old girl or young college-aged woman they teased and how it made her feel? Were they bullied also and that is why they lashed out at me? These are things that I still ponder on occasion, especially when I hear about a young woman or man harming themselves because of being bullied. My daughter lost a close friend to suicide when they were only 13 years old, he had been bullied by other boys in the locker room and killed himself when he lost hope that no one would make them stop. He is only one of many that we hear about all over the world who lose hope because of being bullied.

So what is the take away here? First, if you have been bullied and your self esteem has been trampled upon, know that it is not your fault. Seek help from a trusted friend or a counselor if you cannot shake the feelings of inadequacy that bullying can manifest in your thoughts. Next, if you are a parent of a young child, start early in not only uplifting them, but also teaching them not to tease others and to tell an adult if they know someone is being teased or bullied. Innocent teasing can hurt just as bad as intentional bullying. Had my parents not been so supportive and uplifting of me, always assuring me that I was beautiful and smart and could do anything, I cannot imagine how things may have been different. Last and most important, if you suspect or know that your child (or a friend of your child) has been bullied, step in! Get to the bottom of it, request a meeting with teacher, counselor, parent of the bully, anyone and everyone in order to stop and correct the behavior. Some children may not reach out to a parent or other adult, but may reach out to your child, so if your child tells you about another child being bullied, please step in. You may be the only adult who does anything about it and prevents tragedy from happening.

Self esteem can be fragile. Handle with care, always, whether it is yours or that of someone else. Once damaged, it can be very difficult to repair and may take years to overcome the pain. Even those of us who appear strong and like we “have it all together” on the outside can still be the hurt and scared child who was bullied years ago.

Thank you so much for reading, much love

Doneane Beckcom
CEO, Bold Radio Station
Certified Fitness Nutrition Specialist
Fitness Nutrition Consulting, LLC

PUT THE BITCH IN THE BOX!

Article Written By Wendy Hutchinson

 

Ever since I can remember I’ve had this voice in my head telling me what I could and couldn’t do. She cast a shadow on my self-esteem feeding me stories about my weight, my looks, my intelligence, my earning potential and so much more. She held me down forever and every time she whispered in my ear I believed her. Play it safe, stay small, no one wants to hear your opinion, and the worst insult of all, you don’t matter. I named her “The Bitch” and what a bitch she was.   I listened to all her lies and believed in my limited potential.  One day I recognized her for who she was, she was a deceiver and deal breaker and I broke free of her and I said, “that’s enough”!    I believed the deceit was truth.  The bitch kept me from becoming everything I dared to dream.  I could run down a list of ways I fell short in my life faster than ice cream melted on a hot summer day.   I had no idea how pervasive that EGO/bitch was until I started to pay attention.

The bitch kept me living small and safe by creating just enough doubt and fear to hold me captive. She was also smothering my spirit and my dreams.  And then, something magical happened, I put that bitch in a box and I put a huge black iron padlock on it.   That act of defiance was something so powerful, it surprised even me.  I began piece by piece finding my way back to my authentic self.  I started to feel at a soul level, the truth of who I am.  I saw that I could be fearless and strong.  I saw that I could take risks because I felt called to help others in my coaching and energy healing.  The bitch would try to come out occasionally and rattle the cage, but I was not having it and back in the box she would go.  I realized that nothing was going to keep me from taking the next step on my journey.  I felt the stirring of something so much bigger than what I had allowed myself to believe possible.  There was only one way to step into my power and it required a major shift in the story I was telling myself.

This shift happened gradually.  At first, I began noticing how often I was telling myself ways I didn’t measure up.  Then, I had a daring and provocative thought, which was, I am not my thoughts!  I made a radical decision.  I decided it was time that I started honoring and loving myself because if I didn’t, who would?  I asked myself who am I really?  What do I enjoy?  Everyone has one thing that brings them joy, be it cooking, reading, travel, dance, working out, or spending time with friends.  It could be something simple like sleeping in or a great latte on a Saturday morning. That is where I began to find my way back to my soul, the soul that was the essence of me.    Through this process of rediscovering what lit my soul on fire, I began to blossom and the fabric of my life became this rich tapestry of experiences.  I began to explore new places with my husband.  I was reading books that inspired me, excited me, and set me on a spiritual path.  I discovered a love of yoga and being outdoors on walks with my dog.  I became very intentional about the kind of life I wanted to live.   I created a perfect balance of work and play. I wanted to connect to people who were interested in changing the world by following their passions and just as I put that energy out there, the Universe began to deliver those people through synchronicity and circumstance.  The more I focused on things that brought me joy, the more aligned I felt, attracting experiences, opportunities and people that resonated with me.

As I became more authentic in who I was, I stepped away from the person everyone else wanted me to be. I learned to set boundaries. I learned to put myself first and realized this wasn’t a selfish act as I had been programmed to believe.  It was healthy to honor myself.  Once I respected myself and my time, people fell away or fell in line. At first, I was sad to see the people I cared so deeply about falling away. As I began to step fully onto my path and into my power, I realized it had to happen to make room for the people who were going to come forward and lift me up and hold my hand as I pursued my dreams. The friends who said I’m here for you, I love you, I think you are doing great work were the ones I needed in my life. There is no room in my life for people jaded by their own cowardice and insecurity creating doubt and fear around what I am doing.  I am including family members here. Yes, I have stepped so fully into my power, there is no room in my life for negativity, even if you are a blood relative. The people I want in my life are going to treat me with respect, and love and dignity. It’s people who The bitch kept me living small and safe by creating just enough doubt and fear to hold me captive. She was also smothering my spirit and my dreams.  And then, something magical happened, I put that bitch in a box and I put a huge black iron padlock on it.   That act of defiance was something so powerful, it surprised even me.  I began piece by piece finding my way back to my authentic self.  I started to feel at a soul level, the truth of who I am.  I saw that I could be fearless and strong.  I saw that I could take risks because I felt called to help others in my coaching and energy healing.  The bitch would try to come out occasionally and rattle the cage, but I was not having it and back in the box she would go. I realized that nothing was going to keep me from taking the next step on my journey. I felt the stirring of something so much bigger than what I had allowed myself to believe possible. There was only one way to step into my power and it required a major shift in the story I was telling myself.

continue to create drama and try to suck me in, that I respectfully side step and have minimized contact with.

There is no reason to approach life as a victim of circumstance. Being a victim is disempowering. It creates a mentality of helplessness and resignation.  You can languish in the mental wasteland of what if scenarios and what will people think bullshit or you can stop wasting time in the space of doubt and fear. Put your bitch in a box and lock her down, now is the time to let your light shine.

Until next time, much love

Wendy xx


About Wendy Hutchinson:

Alinea Life Coaching

www.alinealifecoaching.com

TEL: 619-246-5948

 

Pain Versus Pleasure – REAL LIFE STORY!

Real Life Story Written By Scott Vejar

Although I didn’t come up with this title on my own, it resonated with my life on more than one occasion. While attending a Tony Robbins event, he spoke on the topic of pain versus pleasure. He said that people do things to either avoid pain or gain pleasure. He gave us an exercise to do to help overcome hurdles, challenges, or setbacks. We would pick out a ‘challenge’ in our lives that we had a difficult time accomplishing or completing (even though it was necessary to do to make our lives better).

We would make two columns and write the word ‘Pain’ as a header for the left side column, and then write the word ‘Pleasure’ as a header for the right-hand column. What Tony stated was that ‘pain’ could be emotional pain, embarrassment, inconvenience, fear, lack of money, loss of a loved one or anything you would lose for not accomplishing what needs to be done. Then we would come up with a list of the ‘pain’ of not doing what needs to be done versus the ‘pleasure’ we would get from doing said tasks. For example, one of my ‘needs to get done’ was to practice public speaking. The ‘pain’ for me was being embarrassed of making a fool of myself, speaking of something that people were not interested. Another ‘pain’ was feeling uncomfortable speaking in front of people because I did not have self-confidence. I was very self-conscience of my looks because people would make fun of me when I was a kid.

This assignment was tough for me because it opened up some emotional wounds. It made me think about things that were hidden deep inside. They kept me from doing things because of lack of self-confidence, being self-conscience of how people thought of me, and being afraid to speak in front of an audience. The ‘pleasure’ I would get out of public speaking would be helping other people, gaining confidence, making friends, conquering my fear of public speaking, making a career change, making money, and furthering my knowledge on the subjects I wanted to speak on. The ‘pleasure’ list outweighed the ‘pain’ list. It was there that I decided to join Toastmasters (https://www.toastmasters.org/).

It all started when I was a kid. I was the youngest of four boys. One of the main issues I had was that I was fat. My brothers would pick on me a lot, and that made me self-conscience of my looks. To save money, my dad would shave our heads during the summer. My brothers would get on their knees and start bowing and chanting praise to ‘Buddha’. This made me upset and caused further emotional trauma. Also, we would fight a lot. Brother number one was older and a lot bigger than I was, there were times when he got in his moods, and he would beat me up. Brother number two had issues himself, he would beat me up more than brother number one. Brother number three, who was almost a year older than I was, would beat me up more than the others. So there I was, getting picked on and beaten up for the most part of my childhood.

Not only was I picked on at home, but I was also picked on in elementary school too. Because I was born late in the year, my parents had a choice to either put me in school early (which made me almost a year younger than everyone else) or wait and put me in school later (which would have made me a little older than the other classmates). My parents decided to put me in school early. There were a few classmates who used to bully me

either verbally or physically. I used to get into a lot of fights; I lost most of them. There was one classmate I had to deal with who would make fun of me all the time because I was fat. The problem with that was he was my cousin, so I was being made fun of at school, but also at family events. He would make fun of me in front of the classmates all during recess, and during lunch, he was relentless. Getting picked on at school by the school bullies and my cousin made me completely withdrawn and depressed. It got to the point where I hated not only hated school, but also life itself. When I hear people say, “I hate that” or, “I hate this,” I joke around and say “hate is a strong word.” But for a long time when I was a kid, I really used to hate life. It got to the point where I hated every day of my life. The sayings, “Time goes by fast when you are having fun,” and “a watched pot never boils” meant a lot to me. I didn’t want to go to school so much that on the weekends I would stare at the clock so time would go by slow. If I went out and played, time would go by fast, and then school would come around quicker than I liked. I was one mixed up kid.

I met someone on Facebook who is a public speaker. I was interested in the possibility of overcoming my fear, so I met him. He asked me about my life. It is hard for me to say this, but there was a time in fourth grade when I used to think about killing myself. There were times I used to stand on the street corner and think about running in front of a car, just to end it all. I still remember four different occasions when I was so close. I couldn’t get any closer without actually going through with it. I just wanted to get it over with.

Then one day, something happened that changed my life. One of my brother’s classmate’s father committed suicide on the next block in between a store and a house. The kids in the neighborhood started making fun of the man, calling him crazy, a looney toon, and a psycho. As weird as this sounds, this was one confusing time for me. I wanted to kill myself because I was tired of being bullied and picked on. But since the kids were making fun of the man who killed himself, I didn’t want people to make fun of me because I killed myself (as crazy as that sounds). So now I was stuck. Do I kill myself because I don’t want people to make fun of me, or do I not kill myself because I don’t want people to make fun of me? Obviously, I didn’t kill myself, but it made life unpleasant for a long time. I conditioned myself to hate life, be very negative, not enjoy things I should have enjoyed, and not appreciate my accomplishments.

Which brings me to the title of this story, Pain versus Pleasure. Looking back at what Tony Robbins said, people do things to either avoid pain or gain pleasure. So in my case, it was more painful to have people make fun of me for killing myself than it was for people making fun of me for being fat. I am glad I made the decision I made; I now enjoy life.

I use the ‘Pain versus Pleasure’ exercise whenever I want or need to do something that will make my life better. I used it to join Toastmasters, which for me, was one big step in life. I am no longer afraid of public speaking. I still need to work on the art of public speaking, but I overcame my fear.

I feel the ‘Pain versus Pleasure’ could be effective for anyone. If there is anything you want or need to do that you are hesitant to do, this exercise will help you find your calling.

Thank you so much for reading, much love

Scott Vejar

How to Say Goodbye to Disempowering Words

It is time to part with those words that have disempowered you for your entire life; the words that people conform to themselves on a daily basis which stop them moving forward or ever becoming what they dream and desire to be.

The words I am talking about are:

• I can’t
• I wish
• I hope
• I don’t know how
• It’s not possible
• I could never do that
• If only
• I should really be doing this
• If only I knew how
• I should have
• Yes but
• Maybe one day
• I’m sorry, I can’t

These words will continue to keep you stuck in the position you are in and will never help you move forward with your life. The longer you continue to say these words out loud, you are confirming to yourself that you are choosing not to find a way around whatever obstacle is impeding your path in life.
The language you use can empower you so that you are in control, OR it can have the opposite effect and disempower you, which is then assigning you the role of a victim.

The words that you habitually use affect how you communicate with yourself and how you experience your life. By simply changing the words you use, you can completely change the course of your life and the decisions you make.
The words you use carry energy and have the power to influence what happens in your life and work. Many of these words were programmed into you as a child along with the belief systems they support. Simply being aware of our words and shifting our language can lead to higher energy and success in your life.

Empowering Words:

Let’s look at the words that will empower you and change the way you do things in the future. The words you can now choose to use are empowering and you are making positive statements with these words every time you speak them out loud.

Your words can now be replaced with:

• I will do this
• I am going to
• I choose not to
• I want to
• I am
• I feel
• I intend to
• My goal is
• Yes
• No
• I want to know more
• I will make this happen

I am sure you can see the major difference in these words compared to the disempowering words. Look at the power these words hold. Just think of what you can achieve each day by switching your words to empowering ones. All you have to do becomes aware of the disempowering words you are using and switch to using the empowering words listed above. It is that simple.

Now let’s look at changing how you express yourself to others when they ask you how you are. When people say, “how are you today?” we often reply with, “I’m all right, thanks,” or, “I’m okay.” These words are also disempowering you! Let’s change these statements to: “I feel great today, thank you,” and “I’m feeling really empowered today.” Do you see the difference?
Now say these statements right now (yes , now!):

I feel empowered today.
I feel awesome today, thank you.
Didn’t that feel so much better when you said that? Instead of the usual disempowering, “I’m okay.”

Really become aware of how you hold yourself when you speak the disempowering words versus when you say the empowering words. You will notice that when you are speaking of the empowering list your head will be up and your back will be straight and you will be feeling ready to take on the day! But when you read from the disempowering words list… where are you looking? And how is your body reacting to this? Your body is hunched over and your eyes are on the floor. Can you see how much of an energy drain these words are? The best part of this is that you have control over this and you can change the way you hold yourself in a crowd just by changing your vocabulary.

All you are doing is replacing old habits with new ones and reaping the rewards for doing so. Yes, even the words we say and the body language we use with these words are habits, just like the rest of the habits you have been changing in this program. This is no different!

Isn’t it a truly amazing feeling to be aware of the control you can have over YOUR OWN LIFE?

Have a wonderful rest of your week!

Much Love

Kate xx

Take Advice from the Already Successful

This is the biggest piece of advice I could give anyone who is on their journey towards building their online business. This is something I learnt at the very beginning of my own journey, and I have never looked back.

If you’re looking for information on how to be successful, ask successful people themselves. You will be surprised at how many of them are really helpful and are willing to talk about how they became successful in the first place. Or help you and teach you how they did it.

Social networking sites are very powerful tools and can be used to your advantage to either build what you are creating or receive support from the most amazing people in the world. It’s not just there to communicate with your friends—it’s also there to be used as a tool. So use it to your advantage!

However, I must warn you! It does have its downsides of some service providers/coaches promising you the Earth but never delivering or people calling themselves social media experts, when really they only have 500 followers on their page.

Find a person from your area of interest that is an expert and has become successful at what you wish to achieve! Ask them for some advice, or see how they can train you. This will then give you information on how to become successful in the field yourself. Their advice will point out the areas that you need to work on in order to reach your goals.

At the beginning of this week, I came up with the idea that I was going to start publishing 100 of the best coaches in the back of every issue of The Missing Piece magazine. This way our readers can access a trustworthy list of the best coaches handpicked by myself, in many different niches, so that they can be completely comfortable knowing that the people in that directory have ACTUALLY achieved what you wish to learn and apply to your own life.

Building a business isn’t easy, and with all the distractions around you and promises from people who promise to teach you 6 figures in 6 weeks, it can be stressful, overwhelming and sometimes completely confusing who to trust???? Well, never fear in asking anyone what they have achieved. Never be scared to come right out and ask (before you have paid them) “What have you achieved in your own life/business to this date?”

If they can’t give you the answers that really impress you or make you think “Wow I want to learn how to do that” then obviously it would be a waste of your time, and money to pay them. You would basically come away more frustrated then you went into the mentorship with them.

You worked hard for your cash, so invest it wisely! You deserve to live out your dreams and passions and be taught right by the right people. So never fear to ask before you invest, research the person before you invest, find out more about the person before you invest.

This little piece of research could lead to saving you a broken heart and money that could have been invested elsewhere to somebody who could help you! I look forward to publishing the top 100 coaches in our magazine issues to help you find the right coach for you!

You can expect our 100 coach directory to start appearing in our August 17th, 2017 issue. Over the course of the next 12 months, I will be looking to grow the directory up to 100 coaches in all different niches. These coaches will be TRUSTED and WILL bring change to your life!

I am excited to bring them to you!

Have a wonderful Thursday, and may this day be the best one yet!

Much Love

Kate xx