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Mirror, Mirror – Written By Donna Davis

Written By Donna Davis

Can you do it?  Can you really look at yourself in the mirror? Not a passing glance to check your teeth, your hair or your outfit. I’m talking about looking directly into your eyes.

This may not be an easy feat.  Some might say it’s actually ridiculous.  My question is why? Why is it so odd to take a few minutes, look directly into your own eyes and send yourself some loving, happy thoughts?  Maybe even some gratitude?

With all you do, manage and juggle, why is it that you seem to be last on your list for a good word or a smile – just for YOU?

Why have we become so complacent with the fact that so many others have opinions about and expectations of us that we have very little to no time to show our own selves some kindness?

Is it really so hard to find one good thing to say about yourself to yourself?

When was the last time that you checked in with how you were feeling? REALLY feeling? Not the superficial day-to-day, mundane, autopilot response or routine.

Do you have a minute or two just for you? Is it really all the difficult? Seriously. 60 seconds. You can try almost anything for 60 seconds.

I dare you! I dare you to set a timer, look into your own eyes and say – in an honest, meaningful way, one kind truth about yourself and share a smile with the most important person in your life- YOU!

This may seem strange at first or even uncomfortable.  Instead of questioning why you should be kind to yourself, why not question why you haven’t been? What has gotten in the way?  What has beaten you down?  When did time become such a limited resource and how did YOU get taken out of the equation?  What has you so distracted that is seemingly more important than you?

Have we allowed ourselves to get so caught up in pleasing others or wanting their approval that we have starved ourselves from our own attention and priority?  It has been so easy for dream stealers and bullies to wear us down to the point of our very own self-esteem being on the endangered list.  Most of the time it’s subliminal, cultural and very social.  It’s all over the internet.  Do you measure up?  Are you good enough?  How much multi-tasking can you do? How many hours can you put in?  Can you dress like them or act like her or fit in with all the Jones’ that are left right and center? After a while, this can have you wondering “Which way is up?”

This doesn’t have to be the case. It’s time to reconnect.  Find the you that has always been there.  The you that needs time and attention and love. Learn to be there for you.  Even when not many others are or can be.  We are all trying to fit in, get ahead, do the best we can.  Most times it’s a struggle and takes a lot out of us.  What is left inside?

Take a look.  Look into those tired, weary eyes and somewhere behind all that doubt and fear and pain – is the vulnerable, beautiful you that has been waiting – waiting for you to take notice – to spare a moment or two, a kind word – and a smile.  Nothing extravagant.  Something so simple and meaningful.  Something so special and necessary that it can actually be magical!  It can work wonders to build your

self-esteem back up to somewhere higher than it has ever been, higher than you thought possible.  It’s time to love yourself again- or even for the first time.  You matter.  You are worth it.  You have been waiting.  Waiting for permission, for approval for the very love that you need and have been seeking elsewhere.  Very rarely do we find it so completely and easily from outside of ourselves.  We try over and over again in vain until we finally realize it has been inside us all along.  It’s time to connect with that, to pay attention to that, to smile at that.

It’s not too late. You can be your own best friend, your own best cheerleader, your own best ally.  It’s what the very essence of you needs. Can you be the one to provide it for yourself?

So, can you do it?  Can you really look at yourself in the mirror?  I think you can.  If it’s hard for you to do at first you can use the virtual smile that I’m sending to you right now.  Keep it somewhere safe, perhaps in your heart, and whenever you can’t seem to find one of your own, remember that you have a spare smile that I sent over to you.  Take good care of it, match it with one of your own and then you’ll have two, just in case you have a rough day.   And while I’m thinking about it…here…have a hug.  The next time that you look in the mirror- bring out the smile and the hug and you’ll be sure to have a better day.

Much Love,

Donna Davis,


Donna Davis holds a Master Degree in Educational Leadership, Management and Policy from Seton Hall University and cherishes the journey of life, learning and the pursuit of dark chocolate all over the world.

As an educator, author, speaker, columnist and coach, Donna Davis is a perpetual optimist dedicated to helping women thrive and enjoy all that life has to offer. Donna is a modern day Change Agent disguised as The Menopause Fairy who celebrates the Magic, Mystery and Mayhem of Midlife.

Donna writes a column in The Missing Piece Magazine http://themissingpiecemagazine.com/ every month in which she coaches readers through various topics, activities and exercises related to the chosen theme for the month.  As co-founder of WOmentum BuildHers https://www.facebook.com/WOmentumBuildhers/, Donna helps women to honor and celebrate themselves, find and use their voice and be able to survive all that life brings their way, allowing them to thrive and come alive in a way like never before through community, encouragement and Sisterhood.

This WOmentum BuildHER is taking bold action to educate, celebrate, and collaborate with women in all phases of life around the globe to heal, grow and come alive to “Be the best version of yourself possible!”

 

Love – Written By Doneane Beckcom

Love Written By Doneane Beckcom

 

We all think we know what love is, right? It is one of those “I will know it when I see it/feel it” type of things. It either IS love or it is NOT love. Should be pretty easy to figure out, right?

Wrong. Love is complicated.

Don’t get me wrong here. I knew the minute that I felt love for the first time for my husband. And of course I fell in love with my daughter the instant I knew she was living inside my womb.

I also knew instantly those times when love died in past relationships.

But how do we know that we KNOW that it is love?

Love is a very ethereal emotion. We all feel it differently, express it differently, and experience it differently. The love I have for my daughter is strong and deep, but I know when she gives birth to my first grandchild the love I have for her will change and grow exponentially and the love for that grandchild will probably be indescribable. The love I have for my husband is like no other love I have ever experienced, and the way he expresses his love for me is remarkable. The love I have for my siblings is also very special, as is the love for my dearest and closest friends. The love I still feel for family and friends who are no longer living is very real, present, and strong. The love that I have for myself is probably the most important love relationship I have, because without it I cannot express my love or feel the love of others.

I also love my dogs, I mean who wouldn’t love something that is so happy to see you even if you have only been gone from their sight for a few minutes, and then gives the most unconditional love of anything else on the planet? And I love certain “things” that have sentimental meaning or a connection to a special event in, or person from, the past.  But is that really love? Yes, I think so.

But what is love, really? Is it just something we feel, express, give, take, want? Or is it something deeper that connects us to each other, the universe, and God in a way that nothing else can?

I am a deeply spiritual person. Not from a religious perspective, although I do identify as Christian. Religion is man-made, spirit is God-made. I feel a spiritual connection to the people, experiences, and things that draw me into a love relationship. When I experience a beautiful sunrise or sunset, listen to the waves of the ocean as I walk barefoot on the beach, or hear a musical performance that brings me to tears, I experience a feeling of connection and love that, most often, cannot be described in words. It is this feeling that I think most accurately describes love: it cannot be expressed in words that adequately describe the emotional feeling and connection.

The chemical reactions that occur in our bodies when we experience love should tell us something of the deep mind/body/spirit connection that we have to those whom we love and those experiences which cause us to feel love. When we feel those butterflies in the pit of our stomach when the one whom we love calls on the phone or walks into the room, or the lump that wells up in our throat and happy tears that spill without warning, those feelings are totally unplanned by the conscious mind but are automatically created by the body. When we cry over losing people, and even things, that are precious to us, the hurt that we feel is often something that we cannot consciously control as the tears flow. Love connects us to a deep place within our spirit that science, and words, cannot adequately explain.

I don’t believe that God, or the universe, wants us to fully understand love. What we experience here on Earth will pale in comparison to what waits for us when we leave this temporary residence. “No eye has seen, no ear has heard” is how it is described to us in the Bible. Other faiths identify the afterlife experience in much the same way: eternal love. We are not meant to fully understand it in this life. Those strong feelings we have here will be magnified multitudinous times when we are face-to-face with real Love.

And I look forward to that day with expectation!

With Love,

Doneane xx


Doneane Beckcom
CEO, Bold Radio Station
Certified Fitness Nutrition Specialist
Fitness Nutrition Consulting, LLC

 

L.O.V.E. Written by Trilby Johnson

An article for the Missing Piece by

Trilby Johnson, Author, Speaker and Body Energy Alchemist.

 

There is so much written on and about love – in books, songs, films, poetry. We humans seem fascinated and captivated by it, with many of us striving to have more of it in our lives. I know for a long-time I felt it was something ‘out there’ that I needed to acquire, earn and deserve as a kind of measure of my own self-worth and purpose. Yet, it seemed to elude me – in my own sense of love and my external relationships – although there was always a tiny flicker of it somewhere deep within me.

I experienced and observed how deprivation of this emotion formed behaviour patterns of frustration and pain. If love is really all we need, then surely more people would want this in their lives and there would be more of it visible in our lives, right? Yet, even from a young age, when I looked around me, I saw more struggle and suffering than I did Love and I knew that this simply wasn’t the whole truth of things. Consequently, I set out to discover and explore this mystery of love for myself, so that it was no longer merely an emotion and rather a state of unconditional being. Here is what I discovered …

 

‘L’ is for Letting Go

To uncover the true essence and experience of what love could be, it was necessary to look beyond the current definition of love. In my opinion, love with a capital L is something much larger and more subtle than the socialized version presented today, or the highly dramatize notions of romance put forward today and it goes much deeper than finding one’s soul mate in order to feel complete.

For many, the emotion of love goes beyond words in its intensity. Is this not an invitation in itself to go beyond the common definition of what it is or isn’t? Is this not the invitation of the unconditional, that the essence of this LOVE emotion is calling us to and through?

Have heard the saying, “If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours.” What if this was an invitation to let go of everything you think love is or has been or want it to be and be open to the experience of life itself, rather than the limiting definition of the search for a mate, partner or marriage? Free your mind and the love will follow. Letting go of what love should be and look like, allow you to experience something organically life-changing.

‘O’ is for Options

Whose definition of love are you adhering and conforming to?

How unconditional in this love and how is it working for you?

I don’t know about you, but for many years of my life I tried to condition my life to fit into other’s  version of what love was. A few were uplifting and expansive, whilst many left me feeling unhappy,  unloved and unlovable for a long time. I found freedom in the unconditional nature of which may spoke, although I didn’t experience or see much of it around me. So I decided break the mould and love on my own terms. I began to look for different options of what love could be.

The biggest and most impactful option I chose, was to love myself unconditionally. It’s my purpose and a continuous labour of love.

 

‘V’ is for Vulnerability

It’s often said in mindset and spiritual circles that there are only two options – love or fear. Is this true? And no there is no right or wrong answer. Only what each of us chooses to believe and experience so that we continue to grow. This requires vulnerability.

To be totally and comfortably uncomfortable with being vulnerable requires acknowledging your ability to respond (responsability) and being frankly honesty with yourself. While it is certainly a delicious blessing to feel loved by another, a true foundation of unconditional love lies within. It means having the courage to experience fear, hurt, loss, sadness as well as the joy, love and companionship of all our relationships. However, for each to reach their full potential unconditionally, there can be no judgement. Judgement is not unconditional and creates duality. This makes being vulnerable challenging as it seems there is always only two choices. Love or fear. Right or Wrong. Good or Bad. Vulnerable or Closed.

Vulnerability is an openness of body, mind and spirit that allows the unconditional to be experienced in all its options and beyond words. It’s the invitation to be open and to let love in and through. It is when we restrict ourselves that we experience hurt as painful.

 

‘E’ is for Expansion

In much of what is defined as love today, in my opinion, feels restrictive and I simply choose not to believe in this version. Instead, I feel love is expansive and an invitation to be and explore so much more. Expansion doesn’t necessarily refer to size here, but rather an experience of growth and joy and peace.

The universe is shown to be made up of energy – vibrations of atoms – that come together to create and give form. It is continually expanding into moreness! Could this be love? You decide.

As someone who had felt the lack of love for many years of my life, I see LOVE as an expansive force that is inevitably pushing us all forward. The type of journey we have is up to us. I have come to observe LOVE as one of humanity’s beautiful creations and one that will lead us into the depths and to the heights of who we are and can be.  There is no need to find it because we are already in it. Life and others are simple reflecting the depths and nuances back to us on the way.

I am on fire with LOVE for all that is.

Here’s love to you too,

Trilby xx

 

p.s. My book ‘FEARLESSLY ALONE – Stop the Lonely Crisis and Find Your Happy’ is partly my story of how I found Love with a capital L and how emotions are having an impact on our physical health and why. To have a greater sense of love, self and peace in your life, order your copy online or via your local bookshop now -> http://www.trilbyjohnsontheconnective.com/books


Trilby Johnson is an Author, Speaker and Body Energy Alchemist. She specializes in supporting individuals to resolve their physical, mental, emotional and spiritual trauma and pain and create a new genuine sense of self, health, peace and joy.

She is the founder of her own successful business Trilby Johnson – The Connective and through her work and writing supports her clients in attaining their next level of expertise, with her gentle yet effective methods that she has gained from over 25 years of experience in Behavioural Psychology and the healing arts.

Trilby is a successful Author of two books: ‘Fearlessly Alone: Stop the Lonely Crisis and Find Your Happy’ and her collection of original quotes ‘A-Ha Moments: Inspirational Quotes To Shift Your Thinking

She has a degree in Psychology and is certified in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Reiki, DNA Activation, Meta-Coaching, Holistic Massage and Advanced Healing Processes. Trilby seeks to continually transform her own life and uses all her tools personally.

Her days are spent following her joys: writing, travelling, guest speaking, reading, star gazing, enjoying her organic garden and country lifestyle.

To get in touch with Trilby go to:

Website : http://www.trilbyjohnsontheconnective.com
Email: info@trilbyjohnsontheconnective.com

 

Or follow on:
http://www.facebook.com/trilbytheconnective
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Free Offer – Destress. Detox. Relax. An audio download that provides natural support in under 10 minutes a day. Sign up here – http://eepurl.com/bgQ6fj

 

 

Love is More Than a Bouquet of Roses – Written By Wendy Hutchinson

Love is More Than a Bouquet of Roses

Written By Wendy Hutchinson

 

My oldest son rides motorcycles and has lived life full throttle from the moment he entered the world.  He was trying to beat a red light and an SUV jumped the green light and the damage was extensive.  I was out walking my dog that morning and a stranger called from his phone and asked me “do you have a son”?  I said “yes”, “does he ride a motorcycle”? I said “yes”.  My stomach started to twist into a knot and I knew this was not going to be good news.  He says “I just saw him T bone a car and he is lying in the middle of the street unconscious, I’m not sure if he’s alive, he’s at the intersection of Chimney Rock and 59.  Paramedics are on the scene.  Click.  I started running home dragging my dog.  I’m crying and starting to get hysterical and start bargaining with God, “don’t take him, I’m not ready, don’t call him home yet”!  I get in the house and start running up the 3 flights of stairs calling my husband’s name.  He was just getting out of the shower and I am crying uncontrollably “he’s dead! He’s dead! OMG he’s dead” I’m inconsolable.   My husband is just standing there in shock holding me and I tell him there has been an accident and my son was hit by an SUV and I just know he is dead or dying in the ambulance. I started gathering things for the hospital, dealing with my dogs and as I’m getting the downstairs set up for our old dog and the other one to doggie daycare, I’m begging God not to let my son die.  I wasn’t ready to lose him. Are we ever ready to lose the ones we love?  We started calling hospitals.   We found out where he was when a police officer called with the information, how he got my number I don’t know.  At this time, all I knew was he was alive and we raced to the ER.  In that moment, I knew what the depth of love is.

Love isn’t romance.  It isn’t sunsets and walks on the beach. Love is your soul connecting so deeply to another soul that pieces of you die when they die.  Love is the imprint two souls have on each other that say Namaste, the light in me honors the light in you.   Pure love is unconditional.  It doesn’t keep score.  It is being compassionate and forgiving and seeing beyond the pain the other is causing you.  Above all, love is choosing to be complete and whole so you can show up in a healthy way, set boundaries, create harmony but not codependency. Love honors you while holding space for the other.

Love is infinite in its depth and flows like a river between us all. It is a connection beyond words or space or time.  It is unbreakable although sometimes we feel broken.   Choosing Love over fear creates miracles and healing.  Although love varies from parent to child, or between you and your pet or between you and your spouse or friends and family, the one truth about love is it is eternal.  Choosing Love over fear allows you to show up as the highest version of yourself.

Fear was showing up for me in the ICU waiting room. The running tape of what if scenarios began immediately.  What if he is brain dead, what if he is paralyzed, what if he will require 24/7 care for the rest of his life? What does that look like for us?  I was just stepping fully onto my path as a Life Coach and Marconics energy practitioner, would I have to sacrifice my dreams to now care for my injured son for the rest of his life?  His girlfriend was hyperventilating on the waiting room floor, I’m comforting her, while my husband was sitting stoically dealing with his internal dialogue and emotions, taking it like a man.  Fear energy takes you right down into the abyss with no chance of clawing your way out.   Fear keeps you isolated and scared and it creates an imbalance in your entire being.  When we are in fear we want to lash out, be angry, stressed, anxious and no good outcomes ever come from that mental state.

So here we were in the ICU, I’m alone with him in his room, mother and son.  He has broken his jaw in 3 places, broken pelvis (cracked in half like and egg), broken wrist in 4 places, broken arm in 3 places and small skull fracture.  He was in agony and sweating from the pain.  I heard him breathing, I felt him suffering.  He had 3 surgeries in 4 days.  I was thankful he was still alive.  Love is intangible, yet I felt the depth of the love energy pouring over me from friends and family and I opened myself to receive it. This was an extremely hard situation as he couldn’t stand and was bed ridden for a minimum of 6 weeks, his was jaw wired shut so it was a strictly liquid diet. They discharged him from the hospital exactly 1 week after the accident.

One night my son was in so much pain nothing we could do was giving him any relief. All I could do was crawl into bed next to him and hold his hand, and just be there holding space for him as he took the pain. We laid there all night waiting for time to pass for next dose of pain meds.  It was in that moment, that I knew a love so deep for my son it created a reservoir of strength that allowed me to walk through the suffering. This was one of the hardest things I have ever faced. Love is not a bouquet of roses.  It is the full expansion of your heart reaching out and touching the heart of another.

Aloha,

Wendy xx


About Wendy Hutchinson:

Alinea Life Coaching

www.alinealifecoaching.com

TEL: 619-246-5948

Gratitude is the Elixir for Suffering – Written By Wendy Hutchinson

Gratitude has been a daily practice in my life and an integral part of my life coaching practice.  It is virtually impossible for me to feel suffering when I am in the space of gratitude.  In April of 2017 my son was involved in a bad motorcycle accident.  I received a call from a stranger from my son’s cell phone at 8:30 a.m. telling me he just saw my son get hit by an SUV, he was lying lifeless in the middle of an intersection and he wasn’t sure if he was alive, he said paramedics were on the scene, then click, he hung up.  He had picked up my son’s phone which flew out of his pocket on impact and dialed Mom.  I was walking my dog at the time and I just started running home.  By the time I arrived, I was absolutely hysterical.  I knew he was dead, I just knew it and I wanted to get to my husband before he left for work.    I raced up the stairs calling my husband’s name and he was just getting out of the shower.  I stood in our bedroom while he held me dripping wet, while I sobbed uncontrollably.  All I could choke out was “he’s dead, he’s dead, oh my god he’s dead”.  My husband was in shock, I was inconsolable.   A police officer called me shortly thereafter and told me that my son was involved in an accident, he was on an ambulance to the hospital.  I knew then he was alive, but no further information.  After many agonizing hours wondering what the damage was, wondering if he was brain dead or if he had suffered a spinal cord injury, we found out his jaw was broken in multiple places and would have to be wired shut, his pelvis cracked like an egg, and his left arm (dominant hand) was broken in 4 places, down to the wrist.   When you walk into the ICU and witness your child lying there literally in pieces, I can’t describe the flood of emotions I experienced. It shakes you to your core.  He went through 3 surgeries in 4 days.  On day 5 he was sent home.

Our lives changed drastically. For months, he was confined to bed or a wheelchair.  He was in excruciating pain, and he had to take his meals through a straw.   He moved back into our home for the duration of his recovery, which was hard for all of us on so many levels.   There were nights where his pain was so intense, all I could do was crawl into bed next to him and hold his hand and just hold space for him.  The doctor forgot to put an ID number on the pain killer prescription so he had to go an entire day without pain meds his first day home.  I can’t describe the frustration we experienced watching our kid suffer and we couldn’t do a damn thing about it except give him over the counter meds until they straightened it out.   I had to remind myself of my blessings and run through my list of things I was grateful for daily to keep myself from going deep into negative thoughts or emotions.  I was grateful he was alive, he wasn’t permanently confined to bed or a wheelchair.  I knew this was temporary. I was thankful I wasn’t planning his funeral.

Some friends of ours had lost their son, who is the same age the month before, so as we went to my son’s apartment to get clothes and his gaming systems and TV to bring to our house, my husband and I felt sick thinking we could be packing his place up because we had lost him. It was intensely emotional gathering his clothes and belongings the day before he was released.  I stepped completely away from my work for 3 months. My life revolved around dispensing medication and making smoothies, helping him get to doctor’s appointments and basically just 24/7 constant care.

Through gratitude I found peace.  Gratitude is almost like a prayer practice for me.  The feeling I get is one of being lifted as if 100 balloons are clipped to my shirt pulling me up out of the darkness.  Gratitude is the elixir for suffering.  It’s so easy to get bogged down in the negativity and stress but I chose to ride the wave, roll over and go to the place of acceptance.  I got very intentional about my gratitude practice. I didn’t dwell in the shadows, I tried to focus on the light.  Some days were harder than others.

The empathy I have for others has created a deep compassion for their suffering, but also created compassion for myself and my own suffering. I’ve allowed that suffering to bubble to the surface in me and I ask myself, what I am to learn from this experience? Rather than wallow in my pain, I make my list of things I’m grateful for. When I am in that space of thankfulness, I am so focused on the blessings in my life, there is no space for the pain, if only momentarily.  I transcended my suffering by practicing gratitude.  There were days, when my son and I would be fighting.  Both short on sleep, edgy because he didn’t want to be dependent on his mom, me feeling unappreciated, like a cook and maid and nothing more, man tempers would flare. I would have to take a walk around the block with the dog and think “I’m so lucky he is alive for me to get pissed off at”!  It would be like hitting a reset button and I could come back and bear the weight of what was ahead of me.  I encourage you to begin a gratitude practice when you are in a space of anxiety, or stress or anger or depression. 21 days straight of practicing gratitude will change you in a way you never thought possible.   Just a slight shift will set you on a completely new path and I hope that it is a path from darkness to light.

Until next time, with love …….Wendy x


About Wendy Hutchinson:

Alinea Life Coaching

www.alinealifecoaching.com

TEL: 619-246-5948

 

 

7 Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Relationship Part 6

Q6, Are you allowed to be you?

 

You know you have a fantastic relationship when your partner supports 1000% in everything you do. They never hold you back from anything you want to do and nor do they judge you for it…..They simply let YOU be YOU !.

Every person on the planet has the God- given right to do exactly what they want to do and when they want to do it. If your partner complains about the way you dress or tells you not to wear makeup, then this is completely wrong. If they hold you back from doing what you love (be it career wise or stopping you from following your dreams)… then this is wrong also.

A relationship should be one long, happy, successful journey through time, where each partner loves, honours and respects each other’s wishes. You should be able to have your own individual life as well as having your life together. Respect is a two way street in a relationship and you have to give just as much as you take from that person.

Stay tuned for 1 more questions and 1 more exercise,

Much Love,

Kate x

7 Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Relationship Part 5

Q5. Does your partner put you down in front of others?

Many partners feel very empowered when they put you down in front of other people. This is again a sign of their own insecurities shining through and projecting on to you. It mostly happens in relationships where the woman is a strong minded independent person who radiates confidence. Your partner then becomes jealous of the confidence that you have and their instant reaction is to pull you down to make them feel better. Even if your a woman who is strong minded and independent you are still a human being, and it still hurts your feelings to be treated like this by a partner.

If you did let this continue over time, then the self-confidence you took so long to build up for yourself will slowly be chipped away, then he will have gained control over you. A supportive and loving partner would not destroy what has taken you years to build within yourself. If anything they would make you feel a thousand times more confident than you were before.

Exercise Four:

Write a letter to your partner and explain how your partner is making you feel. Then leave it in a place for your partner to find so that they can read it. Often, people don’t listen to what you have to say, but reading it in words triggers the realisation of what they are actually doing.

Don’t hold back on how you’re feeling either. Put everything down in words. If you do become emotional while writing, then this is good. This is your true emotion talking and your true feelings coming from deep within your heart.

Stay tuned for 2 more questions and 2 more exercises,

 

Much Love,

Kate x

7 Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Relationship Part 3

 

Here is question 3 in the highlight of the #Metoo campaign

Q3. Do you have to nag your partner to get even the simplest jobs done?

 

We all know that feeling of frustration when we ask somebody to do something for us and then we end up doing it anyway.

If in your relationship it is rare this happens then you know your partner has genuinely forgotten whatever it is you asked them to do. However, if you find this to be a recurring thing and you find yourself getting irritated by it daily, then you know that really your partner can’t be bothered to take even 5 minutes out of his 24 hours to complete a simple task for you. This would then result in you nagging at them and it usually causes arguments or you adopting the “I will do everything” attitude which could end in you wearing yourself out mentally, emotionally and physically.

Relationships are supposed to be 100/100 and if yours is 90/10 then you know something has to be done to rectify it quickly before you become either a doormat to your partner or so frustrated that you end up leaving the relationship completely. (That’s if you don’t strangle him first.)

Exercise Three:

Discuss with your partner the idea about setting up a routine for all the jobs that need to be completed, like the housework, bill paying, the gardening etc..

After a while of sticking to this routine,  you and your partner will form a new routine that in time will become like second nature to you both.

Don’t let frustration come from your fear of asking to put systems in place. Sometimes our own expectances can be much higher than what the other partner can deliver. Work together to make it happen.

Stay tuned for 4 more questions and 4 more exercises,

Much Love,

Kate xx

7 Questions to Ask About Your Relationship

#Metoo

I am sure by now you have had many hashtags fill your news feed for the #Metoo campaign to highlight how many people have actually experienced sexual assault and rape.

The numbers are shocking! Every other post on my Facebook highlights the #Metoo hashtag and it’s seriously disturbing to think that men and women all over the world have experienced this and that so many offenders thought it was “ok” to treat a person like that.

Abuse of authority or downright abuse, whichever the influence it comes from, is completely WRONG! We need to be educating children, teenagers, adults and old people that these things are not right and that every individual should be respected.

Over the next 7 days, I am going to focus on relationships and ask you one question every day to help you come to a conclusion of your own and to help highlight what really SHOULD be experienced in a relationship and what shouldn’t. i will also be leaving a little exercise for you to do to help become more aware of how relationships should be respected, and how you as a human being should receive the respect you deserve.

Q1, Is your boy/girlfriend making you feel good about yourself?

Everybody in every relationship should be made to feel good about themselves. If this is not the case within your own relationship, then you need to tell your partner how you are feeling. It may be that you just lack communication within your relationship and they have no idea where they are going wrong. However if you have told them and you are completely fed up of expressing this, then your partner is not taking your feelings into consideration and it’s likely they never will.
Not every person possesses the same levels of caring, sharing, love and respect as each other. This is not due to something you have done (which I know a lot of you think the blame lies within yourself and you blame yourself… constantly!).

9 times out of 10 the reason for less positive attitudes of partners is other factors. One example is the way they were raised by their parents or the influences and habits from friends and others around them. Different people have certain levels of love inside of them, and over time, we realise they are not capable of loving at the deeper level that we are. So this is where the relationship tends to break down.

Talk to your partner, and if your partner is willing to take your feedback on board and is willing to work at putting your relationship back online then at least you know your partner genuinely cares about how you feel.

Try this little exercise below which will give each of you the chance to see what the other truly thinks of each other’s good and bad points.

Exercise one;
Take a piece of A4 paper each. Draw a line down the centre of the page to make two parts to the page. Give one side of the page the title negatives and the other side of the page the title positives. Making sure you both have separate sheets of paper. Now write down on the positive side what it is you think is positive about your partner and the same with the negative side.

When each of you has finished, swap over the sheets of paper with your partner. This may be hard to swallow at first due to some negative things we never really knew about our self and have never had these things brought to our attention till now. Taking feedback on board from others and listening to what they have to say will strengthen our character and let us know where we can improve.

Stay tuned for 6 more questions and 6 more exercises,

Much Love,

Kate xx


For more information on Kate Batten click here