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Breaking through into Gratitude – Written By Trilby Johnson

Breaking through into Gratitude
Article for the Missing Piece Magazine

by Trilby Johnson, Author and Body Energy Alchemist

There’s so much hype around ‘gratitude’ and how important it is. While this may be true, for a long time in my life, I struggled with gratitude. It’s not that I didn’t want to be grateful – I did, however, keeping with my own integrity and honesty, I knew I wasn’t there yet! And quite frankly, faking it until I made it, wasn’t working for me either. This often left me confused and feeling guilty – was there something wrong with me that I couldn’t feel gratitude? I was in a transformational pickle and for some time did not know which way to turn! Have you ever felt like this and wondered what’s going on or how to change it?

Quite simply, as the individual you are, the way in which you experience events and gratitude, is totally exclusive to you. So when presented with a new concept, it’s up to you to find the doorway in. Here are some of clues I followed that helped me to break through into gratitude, in a way that felt genuine and empowering.

 

  1. Defining Gratitude

Very often, due to indoctrination and socialization, you can get pulled into the definition of the ‘group consciousness’ around different concepts. Gratitude, is simply one example. So what does gratitude mean for you?

As humans, there is a tendency to want to classify information. For the most part, the linguistic or language meaning is used, as a form of creating easier understanding and cognitive cohesion. On the surface this works. However, this only addresses the mental aspects of definitions. There is another level of definition, commonly called semantics, or in other words, meaning. Take a look at what’s underneath the gratitude.
The way your brain stores data is very much linked to the emotional charge of the events in your life. When strong emotions are involved, then defining gratitude becomes a whole different kettle of fish. If you were to stop and imagine yourself being grateful, what would that look like, feel like, sound like to you? Follow these clues. I suggest one way of how, in point two.

 

  1. Feel Your Way

Trust your feelings because they are your compass. If even feeling gratitude feels off, then all it is showing you, is that you haven’t yet found your way. Often there is a tendency to judge this as right or wrong, which can create a wedge between where you are and feeling gratitude. This is the reason that defining what gratitude embodies for you is essential, otherwise it simply will not stick and keeps you stuck.

If you feel that gratitude means giving up, faking it, lying to yourself, making another part of you feel wrong and it’s greedy to ask for more – then you will sabotage yourself in some way. It’s important to look at all the aspects that go into an attitude of gratitude – for you. And when along the way, it feels off for you, keep going and ask for clarity as you move forward. Feel your way – it’s your best bet!

 

  1. Use Manners

Your words matter! They really do. Do you consciously say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ when you want or receive something? This may appear an ‘old fashioned’ way of doing things, however, I am a firm believer in ‘old wisdom’.

The way you are speaking to others, is an outward reflection of how you speak to yourself – it shows what kind of a mind-map you have. Everything is within and this includes the capacity to gift and receive – and the code words to access these states are ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.

As a child, I was taught that if I wanted something, to ask and say ‘please’. And when I received something, to say ‘thank you’. Only much later as an adult did I observe, that when I consciously applied these to my intentions and desires, there was a distinct shift in the energy dynamic. Almost as if the Universe stopped and paid attention to what I was going to say and do.

Using manners helps to cultivate a ‘walk the talk’ behaviour! When I use my manners, I am acknowledging the divine aspect within myself and my capacity to co-create with Life itself. I am honouring my Self. This allows more ease and joy and a feeling of being ‘great-full’.

 

  1. Make your Life a Gratitude Journal

A very powerful and practical way to create the possibility of breaking through into gratitude in my experience, is with a gratitude journal. I found it really helpful to focus on writing down things I was grateful for. It helped me to count my blessings and give them form. However, please don’t let keeping a journal be the end result. It’s the starting point! Apply this ‘gratitude’ in your daily life and interactions and communications with others.

 

 

In my personal experience, to fully integrate a mindset, takes conscious direction. This is about applying mental and often abstract concepts with focus. This helped me to move through the struggle and meet gratitude in a pragmatic and tangible way that worked for me. And so can you!

Remember, gratitude is a process and as such, you simply cannot force your way into it.  By connecting to the essence of what gratitude feels like for you, then you will have your unique form of gratitude.  You do this by systematically assessing your feelings and observing what comes up for you.

Adjust. Align. Choose.

As you move forward with each step you are feeling your way and breaking through into gratitude.

Much gratitude,

Trilby x

p.s. Read my reverse psychology blog on gratitude https://trilbyjohnsontheconnective.com/how-to-successfully-become-ungrateful/


 Trilby Johnson is an Author, Speaker and Body Energy Alchemist. She specializes in supporting individuals to resolve their physical, mental, emotional and spiritual trauma and pain and create a new genuine sense of self, health, peace and joy.

She is the founder of her own successful business Trilby Johnson – The Connective and through her work and writing supports her clients in attaining their next level of expertise, with her gentle yet effective methods that she has gained from over 25 years of experience in Behavioural Psychology and the healing arts.

Trilby is a successful Author of two books: ‘Fearlessly Alone: Stop the Lonely Crisis and Find Your Happy’ and her collection of original quotes ‘A-Ha Moments: Inspirational Quotes To Shift Your Thinking

She has a degree in Psychology and is certified in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Reiki, DNA Activation, Meta-Coaching, Holistic Massage and Advanced Healing Processes. Trilby seeks to continually transform her own life and uses all her tools personally.

Her days are spent following her joys: writing, travelling, guest speaking, reading, star gazing, enjoying her organic garden and country lifestyle.

To get in touch with Trilby go to:

Website : http://www.trilbyjohnsontheconnective.com
Email: info@trilbyjohnsontheconnective.com

 

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Radical Recovery of Rob Decker


Fitness, faith and friends delivered Rob Decker from the depths of despair to the heights of a clean lifestyle. Written by Suzanna Cullen Hamilton Photographed by Shane O’Donnell.

Originally published in Southbay HEALTH Magazine Spring 2017, a publication of Moon Tide Media  http://www.oursouthbay.com/

 


Written by Suzanna Cullen Hamilton | Photographed by Shane O’Donnell

 

Opioid addiction claims more lives each year than firearms or automobiles. Growing up with parents who were alcoholics with opioid and drug addictions presented Rob with an almost insurmountable hurdle. Although Rob now has a thriving career as a fitness instructor—particularly to youth and people recovering from back surgery, his path was riddled with the landmines of addiction and negative messaging.

“It’s impossible to not be affected when you grow up with meth-addicted parents who abuse drugs and alcohol,” says Rob. He started using marijuana at age 16, and by his early 20s he was taking Ecstasy and cocaine. “I was on a fast path, and my father told me that I’d never make it,” he continues.

A life of constant addiction culminated one dark night that could have ended Rob’s life. After a drunken argument with his then-girlfriend that included a call to the police, Rob decided to take his own life by jumping from a building.

“In that moment, I was ready to end the nightmare,” says Rob. Although friends had recently taken him to a prayer service at a nearby church where Rob says he “felt chills on my spine and knew the Lord’s presence,” he wanted to go.

Fortunately, Rob hit part of the building, and it broke his fall. Although he shattered his back, arm and wrist and collapsed a lung, he was alive.

It took five years and $2 million in multiple surgeries to heal Rob’s fractured back and arm, and he had to learn to walk again. “During that time, I learned to understand deep physical pain; the fundamentals and patience required for recovery; and I learned that my faith would deliver me through it,” says Rob.

 

Titanium rods, screws and cages now hold Rob’s body together, while his faith holds his soul together. He’s also eliminated all drug and alcohol use.

Today Rob has a thriving business as a personal trainer at Equinox. “I want to give people hope,” says Rob. He and his wife, Alyssa, live in Torrance, and they welcomed a son, Caleb, in 2016.

When asked what he’d say to his teenaged self, Rob replies, “You can be whatever you want to be, and be the best you can be.” Caleb is going to have a great pillar in his father, and back surgery patients have an advocate in Rob.

Written by Suzanna Cullen Hamilton Photographed by Shane O’Donnell

For more articles written by Southbay, visit http://www.oursouthbay.com/


 

 

 

Belief/Affirmations: Do you believe in the power of prayer?

Article Written By Dr. Jane Cox

You might have noticed that I rather enjoy taking a bit of a controversial view on all sorts of subjects. I remember being taught from quite young that there are certain subjects that you just don’t talk about, and those generally include subjects around things like religion, or politics. Well, that was like a red rag to a bull for me. Tell me I shouldn’t do something, and immediately it engages me as something worth taking notice of. I am also often the “devil’s advocate” – I’ll keep the open mind, and always allow for the possibility that what I “believe” at any stage may change, because my current decision or belief may be based on a lack of knowledge, rather than an abundance of knowledge. And for me, ignorance is no reason to structure my life in a certain way. After all, life is about growing and learning, and I think we all have a huge amount of potential for that learning and that growth.

So one of the controversial subjects that has always interested me is the power of prayer. Some people swear by it, some people dismiss it completely. I went and became a metaphysican in my desire to understand it, amongst trying to get a handle on all other things spiritual and philosophical. I found out a lot of things about prayer, but I hope to share just a small finding in this couple of pages that we have together. And maybe it’ll encourage you to test this concept for yourself.

If you believed the nuns that taught me during my high school years, prayers are answered. To be honest, I had a big red flashing doubt sign in my brain when they came up with this concept. I tested it. I would pray for something, put my heart and soul into that prayer, and nothing seemed to happen. I would do the other thing they suggest – always start your prayer with thanks of what you have in your life, and then expand on this concept and pray for what you want as though the prayer had already been granted. Well, I liked the idea of that, but I wasn’t feeling overwhelmed with the success of the strategy.

One of my best friends at school was always worrying about her weight. She tried this prayer thing as well. She prayed to lose weight. She gave thanks for her thinness as though it had already become a reality. But nope. She kept looking much the same and, dare I say it, if there was weight doing anything it was appearing, not disappearing. So for a while I liked the concept of praying but the proof was still lacking.

Then I sat back and looked at what prayer actually was. It was effectively the sending up of energy into the Universe. And of course if there is real emotion involved in anything, it increased the amount of energy attached to that thought or desire. If we think of ourselves as electrical circuits, it makes sense that we exchange energy with the Universe. And if we guide that energy, and set our intentions, and include our emotions, it is like sending a guided missile up into the energy system of the Universe, and it certainly should be weighted in the favour of working, so why did it seem to have so little working proof?

Then I took a broader look at what was going on, and I experimented further, and I can honestly say that it is true what they say: Every prayer is answered. The trouble is that we tend to forget the first half of the statement. The fact is that EVERY THOUGHT is a prayer, and every prayer is answered. Think about it. Over seven billion souls, all sending up the energy of their thoughts. That’s a helluva lot of energy being sent out into the Universe!

So somehow we expect the Universe, that God power, to listen really carefully to all of that energy coming from each one of us. We expect that if that thought is preceded by a “Dear God”, and ends off with an “Amen”, that somehow the Universe will ignore the clutter of all those other energetic signals we send off, and just grant the request or intention sandwiched between those magic words. The more I thought about it, the more ridiculous it seemed.

I listened carefully to my friend. While for a few minutes each day she prayed for weight loss, she spent most of the other 23 hours and 55 minutes talking about how fat she felt she was. How she “only needed to think about a slice of cake and she would put on weight”. And I looked at where her thoughts centred, I listened to her self talk, and I saw where her emotions lay, and I saw how where she placed her attention was what manifested.

I saw myself do the same. I would “pray” for one thing, but believe another. I would ask for one result, and take actions and expend energy into creating the opposite result. Not intentionally, but when I was honest with myself, the pattern was clear. The negative self talk that we indulge in. The times that we diminish ourselves and run ourselves down. All of that energy, all of those thoughts, all sending out their energy into a very busy Universe, and the answering energy comes back. What we believe, we achieve. If what we internally believe is that we are failures, we create failure. If we believe we are incapable, we are. Or in my friend’s case, if we think we are overweight, we become the outward manifestation of those thoughts.

But on the flip side, when we catch our negative thoughts and beliefs, and we replace them with positive ones, we start to manifest that too. When we start to genuinely tell ourselves that we can do something, we manage it with relative ease. When we expect a positive outcome, we create a much larger possibility for that positive outcome. When our mind sends out clean and consistent energy, and we take ownership of our thoughts, we take back control over the outcome of those thoughts.

At first it may seem clunky. And quite an eye opener as to how many times we “think ourselves down”. But if every time you catch yourself thinking negatively, you intentionally replace those thoughts with positive ones, you start retraining your brain for positive results rather than negative ones. Every thought is a prayer, and every prayer is answered.

What are your thoughts? Because those thoughts are the thoughts that will become your reality.

Thank you so much for reading,

Jane xx


Dr. Jane Cox is a Human behavioural specialist, success psychology expert and ethno-psychologist. Internationally renowed motivational speaker & trainer. find out more at: https://www.drjanecox.co.uk/

The Beliefs and Affirmations that make us who we are by Trilby Johnson

The Beliefs and Affirmations that make us who we are

Written by Trilby Johnson

Our beliefs are the building blocks of our identity. As they stack together one after the other, throughout childhood and later life, they create the tapestry of our personalities and from this, the identity that we cultivate begins to take shape and form. We become what we believe, both consciously and unconsciously. On one level, this may offer insight into who we are and how we live life.  Nevertheless, very often, on a more personal and individual level, the beliefs we hold may leave us feeling a fraud or unfulfilled and very confused, with the desire to explore and experience more…

This happens when the beliefs we have been taught and are holding onto, are not our own and rather a product of socialization and indoctrination. When a belief is a good one, it can be very good and lead to positive experiences. When a belief is a bad one, it can be very bad and lead to limiting or disempowering experiences. It’s important to be aware that not all beliefs are created equal!

Many people consider that a belief is the same as the truth. A belief and what is true, are not necessarily the same thing, however a belief will certainly influence the type of experiences we have as individuals. If we think of a belief systems as a type of filter, this becomes easier to understand. In particular on a cognitive level, this distinction is important to highlight – beliefs are forms of habitual thinking that build and trigger strong neural responses.

This is one reason, that a strong belief may be difficult to challenge or change, as it is deeply embedded into a person’s behavioural patterns. Not to mention the fact that most of us have several predominant beliefs that are running the show.

In addition to this, a belief rarely stands alone and is joined with one or several other beliefs – known as associations – that weave together to create a web of belief systems. For example, if we have the belief that money is the root of all evil, this will activate a multitude of beliefs around money and what kinds of behaviours are considered good and evil. This comparative process is often subconscious and yet very powerful, which can leave many of us feeling torn in two when it comes to making choices in our daily lives and living up to our beliefs. Conflict usually arises however, when we are confronted by two or more main beliefs.

Confusion, in my opinion, is usually a signal that one or more beliefs are being challenged. This can be a good thing, when the belief being challenged is outdated or simply no longer accurate. In instances like this for example, I have found it helpful to ask targetted questions and to identify the principle belief(s) at play. Is this true for me? Is a powerful question that can offer a feeling of inner relief, clarity as well as inviting in new possibilities.

Affirmations are also a practical first step to retrain our brains and thus breaking a habit of thinking. It was the amazing and inspiring Louise Hay (1927-2017) who first introduced me to affirmations. These are statements that are formulated positively and in the present tense.  At this time in my life, I held the beliefs that I was unlovable, unloved and not good enough. This didn’t feel great at all and I really wanted to feel better about myself. Louise’s work on affirmations helped me learn how to begin to change these limiting beliefs.

I can still remember the wonder and excitement I felt at the time. I knew I was in the presence of what I wanted to hear and believe, even if at first it wasn’t quite yet comfortable. When I first begin affirming, ‘I love myself’ it was really difficult. The words sounded so strange and unfamiliar to me – it actually felt uncomfortable. I liked how saying them and writing them down made me feel about myself though and I kept on with them. Today I use affirmations intentionally to create and generate new and empowering mindset patterns and it helps me to incorporate positive and supportive beliefs that I can think throughout the day. It’s how I remind myself that I am a Conscious Creator co-creating with Life itself.

Our beliefs make us who we are, for the simple reason that we believe them. Herein lies the power and the weakness of beliefs. They can make us weak and strong, empowered and disempowered, believable or a fraud. The critical factor is to remember that although they make us, we can choose and change them. We have and are the power! We just have to believe it and then follow through to make our dreams become true.

Than you so much for reading, much love to you

Trilby xx


Trilby Johnson is an Author, Speaker and Body Energy Alchemist. She supports forward thinking individuals to organically resolve core emotional and physical pain and blocks that may be holding them back from living happy, healthy and successful lives. Find out more at www.trilbyjohnsontheconnective.com

 

 

 

 

 

Find a Penny, Pick it Up- Written By Desirée Toldo

Written By Desirée Toldo

 

I believe in a lot of things. I believe that Disney Princess Band-Aids work better than regular Band-Aids; I believe that people are inherently kind, even if at times they forget it; I believe that most things taste better with ketchup; I believe that everything that is lost has a way of finding its way back. This is the story of the moment I found what I had lost 12 years ago.

In 2015, I was a senior in college living with my cousin and our best friend in our small dorm. It was rare to have the room to myself for a night, but when I did I would sometimes wake up from dreams of my grandfather who we had lost ten years earlier. I would wake up and be so sure I could smell his familiar scent, as though the door had just closed behind him—they were the most vivid dreams I had ever had. I struggled to put a meaning to these dreams. My grandmother and mother had told me of spiritual encounters that they had had in their lives, but I never believed that was the kind of thing I could experience. I wasn’t sure if I even believed it was possible. Yet I wanted so badly to believe that there was meaning in the dreams that I was having, that I was being visited by the person I missed more than I could understand.

One Sunday in March I found myself alone for the night once again, and I suppose my grandfather, who we called Papi, decided it was time to make a believer out of me. I fell asleep with a tingle of disappointment that always came with the end of the weekend. Before I knew it, I was walking up the street toward my parents’ house when I heard the engine of my brother’s truck start. I looked up to see Papi smiling at me from the driver’s seat. He didn’t say a word but I got in the truck and we drove away and went to a movie theater. I don’t remember the drive. I don’t remember any conversation. I don’t even remember what movie we went to see. But I remembering walking up to the concession stand and ordering my favorite movie theater snacks (pretzel nuggets, nacho cheese, and a small popcorn). I remember Papi paying. I remember the cashier placing loose change on the counter. And I remember one bright, shiny penny.

Even through a dream, where there are no limits to what you can imagine and what can be done, I knew Papi would not be staying with me in the world, but that he had come back for a day to take me to the movies, perhaps to reassure me that though he had left the world, he was not gone. He did not say a single word but when I asked him if I could keep that one perfect penny to remember the day he smiled. After that it all dissolved. Maybe new dreams came into focus or maybe it was all just black. I woke up alone in my room with a breath that felt like I had just been resuscitated. The weight of what I had dreamt and the emptiness I felt crashed over me. He was gone. I rolled over and made my body as small as I could in my tiny twin bed.

Against my crisp, black bed sheet I saw the perfectly polished profile of Abe Lincoln, shining up at me. A penny lay next to my pillow, as though it had been placed so purposely near me.

In life, Papi had never denied me anything—ice cream before bed (make no mistake, this was just as much a treat for him as it was for me—chocolate ice cream for him, vanilla for me), the little plastic table from the center of a pizza pie to use as a dining table for my Barbies, nothing. 12 years had passed since he died and yet he still didn’t deny me. This time he gave me something to believe in—his proximity, his presence, his attunement to me even after so many years. I had never felt so connected to someone in my life—he had chosen to give me this gift and in doing so he solidified everything I wanted to believe in but didn’t have enough proof of. I wear the proof around my neck at all times. The penny hangs close to my heart always—a reminder of what that dream meant and everything that changed as a result of it.

In the two years since Papi came to visit me in my dorm, I have had other similar encounters—dreams that seemed just slightly more than dreams. I sometimes wish I could summon both of my grandparents like characters in a science fiction movie, just to get their reassurance that they’re watching everything. But it doesn’t work like that. I don’t know how it works, but I believe in it. I believe that when I need them most, they appear. I believe that the cardinal that sits on my windowsill despite my cat’s numerous attempts to pounce on him through the closed window is Papi saying, “hello, I’m with you.” I believe that the dragonfly fluttering around my car as I eat my peanut butter and jelly sandwich on my lunch break is Gram telling me that peanut butter and jelly is not a filling lunch and I should eat more. I believe that though they were lost, they are always hiding somewhere waiting to be found. It doesn’t make me miss them any less, but it makes the spaces between visits less difficult. Most of all, it gives me hope that there will always be another sign, another visit, another reminder of just how strongly they are imprinted in my soul.

Thank you for reading, with love

Desirée Toldo xx

 

Words Have Power – Written By Jo Cruise

Written By Jo Cruise

A great way to indicate to the Universe what you want in your life is to use positive affirmations. This sets your intention, as the thoughts and words you express are powerful vibrations. These signal to the Universe that you’re ready to receive the abundant blessings of an infinite and Divine cosmos.

When you affirm from a place where your unlimited creative potential resides, you can easily manifest your dreams. Intentions are the pre-cursor to action and they determine the outcome of the energy you create. Really, this is how important affirmations are!

When you’re aligned to your soul purpose you honour this by affirming your true intent. Igniting your passion in life is key to unlocking your individual and unique gifts.
If your life has a common thread running throughout it which has at its centre; joy and love this can be expressed through your inspired creativity. When you light a flame to your passion, you start a chain reaction that fuels all your desires, hopes & dreams. What’s not to love about that!?

Begin each day by setting your intention for that day. The language you use creates the life you live. This is a fundamental aspect of living consciously ~ in the sense of being mindful of your thoughts, words and actions. On waking each morning and as soon as you open your eyes say out loud an affirmation.  Whatever pops into your head and feels right and authentic just say it. Affirm it 10 times, notice how saying these words makes you feel. Do you feel excitement, love or really connected to God/Goddess, Source, the angels or whatever else your belief system is?

Observing how saying this affirmation makes you feel is important, because you need to allow the energy of these words to infuse every cell of your being. Let them soak into your etheric field and feel the vibration of your affirmation lift your spirits for the rest of the day.

I’ve always been captivated by language, of how the formation of words can weave a spell upon our hearts and touch our souls. Since I was a young child words have held a fascination for me. So, in late 1999, I was really interested to hear about Dr. Masaru Emoto, who had researched what the physical impact of words appeared to have on water. In his fascinating book ‘The Hidden Messages of Water’, the late Dr. Emoto conducted studies which he claimed showed how human consciousness affects the structure of frozen water crystals.

In a series of fascinating studies carried out over the next two decades, Dr. Emoto would reveal  water’s physical response to words. He demonstrated how the words used affected the formation of frozen water crystalline structures. The findings concluded that negative words caused the water crystals to form grotesque and ugly shapes, while loving and positive words allowed the crystals to form perfect fractal formations. Considering that humans are made up of approximately 70% water, it’s easy to see how our thoughts and internal dialogue could influence every cell in our body. Knowing this we should all be more mindful of our self-talk and in our day to day verbal interactions with others.

When we take responsibility for the words we use, we create a reality based upon them. How do you intend to live your life? What effect do you want to have on others, on our world? How can your words bring about peace, healing, love and compassion? Use your words wisely, be a ‘conscious conversationalist’.  Let your words flow come from a place of love and gentleness and let your intentions be the catalyst of change as your positive affirmations begin to shape the world in which we are all part of.

 

“Today I surround myself with an abundance of positivity in my life ~ I attract abundant opportunities, helpful situations & people into my life. I’m a magnet for positive possibilities & I hold gratitude in my heart for all the abundant blessings that are in my life”

 

 Much Love,

Jo xx


Jo Cruise Coach and Author

Joanne helps creative and inspired coaches, therapists, healers and spiritual entrepreneurs to gain more clarity, confidence and courage to achieve the success they deserve. She does this through using a unique blend of integrated wellness coaching tools and techniques, that empower her clients to realise the fullest expression of their soul and to birth their inspired ideas into the world.

www.joannecruise.co.uk

www.facebook.com/JoCruise777

www.twitter.com/jo_crui

www.instagram.com/joanne_cruise

 

 

7 Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Relationship Part 6

Q6, Are you allowed to be you?

 

You know you have a fantastic relationship when your partner supports 1000% in everything you do. They never hold you back from anything you want to do and nor do they judge you for it…..They simply let YOU be YOU !.

Every person on the planet has the God- given right to do exactly what they want to do and when they want to do it. If your partner complains about the way you dress or tells you not to wear makeup, then this is completely wrong. If they hold you back from doing what you love (be it career wise or stopping you from following your dreams)… then this is wrong also.

A relationship should be one long, happy, successful journey through time, where each partner loves, honours and respects each other’s wishes. You should be able to have your own individual life as well as having your life together. Respect is a two way street in a relationship and you have to give just as much as you take from that person.

Stay tuned for 1 more questions and 1 more exercise,

Much Love,

Kate x

7 Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Relationship Part 4

Here is question 4 in highlight the #Metoo campaign

 

Q4. Are you having a relationship with an adult or a child?

 

To explain what I mean by this, I will describe my previous relationship and then you can get an idea of what I am talking about.

My previous partner lacked independence completely; he couldn’t do anything that an ordinary person like you or me could do. Not only did I have to cook, clean the house, take care of the finances, but I would even have to bring in work for him when he was sick. When it came to doing the weekly shop at the supermarket he would walk out after two minutes and go sit in the car and sulk. His excuse would be that he couldn’t deal with the stress of it. (Yes I know you are shaking your head already, it gets better to trust me!).

When it came to decorating our new home, I had to do it all myself. When it came to planning our wedding day, I had to do it all myself. When it came to him looking for a job, I had to look for him. When it came to insuring his car, I had to do it for him.

Even when it came running his bath, yes you got it…..I did it for him!

I am afraid there is nothing that can be changed with people like this; they have spent most of their lives latching on to people who will do everything for them, and they will continue to do so. When you do finally have enough and call it quits on your relationship they are not the slightest bit grateful for anything you did for them. They actually hate you for leaving them ! … Now it’s your fault that they have to now do things for themselves.

When I split with my partner, he sold his car. This was not because he needed the money or anything. It was because I cancelled his standing order from my bank account to his insurance company. So due to his lack of capability to ring the insurance company to set up a standing order he now no longer has a car……Really ??

(There is NO exercise on the planet that could work on this kind of personality, my advice is to leave them and save yourself from an eternity of butt wiping)..

Stay tuned for 3 more questions and 3 more exercises,

Much Love,

Kate x

7 Questions to Ask About Your Relationship

#Metoo

I am sure by now you have had many hashtags fill your news feed for the #Metoo campaign to highlight how many people have actually experienced sexual assault and rape.

The numbers are shocking! Every other post on my Facebook highlights the #Metoo hashtag and it’s seriously disturbing to think that men and women all over the world have experienced this and that so many offenders thought it was “ok” to treat a person like that.

Abuse of authority or downright abuse, whichever the influence it comes from, is completely WRONG! We need to be educating children, teenagers, adults and old people that these things are not right and that every individual should be respected.

Over the next 7 days, I am going to focus on relationships and ask you one question every day to help you come to a conclusion of your own and to help highlight what really SHOULD be experienced in a relationship and what shouldn’t. i will also be leaving a little exercise for you to do to help become more aware of how relationships should be respected, and how you as a human being should receive the respect you deserve.

Q1, Is your boy/girlfriend making you feel good about yourself?

Everybody in every relationship should be made to feel good about themselves. If this is not the case within your own relationship, then you need to tell your partner how you are feeling. It may be that you just lack communication within your relationship and they have no idea where they are going wrong. However if you have told them and you are completely fed up of expressing this, then your partner is not taking your feelings into consideration and it’s likely they never will.
Not every person possesses the same levels of caring, sharing, love and respect as each other. This is not due to something you have done (which I know a lot of you think the blame lies within yourself and you blame yourself… constantly!).

9 times out of 10 the reason for less positive attitudes of partners is other factors. One example is the way they were raised by their parents or the influences and habits from friends and others around them. Different people have certain levels of love inside of them, and over time, we realise they are not capable of loving at the deeper level that we are. So this is where the relationship tends to break down.

Talk to your partner, and if your partner is willing to take your feedback on board and is willing to work at putting your relationship back online then at least you know your partner genuinely cares about how you feel.

Try this little exercise below which will give each of you the chance to see what the other truly thinks of each other’s good and bad points.

Exercise one;
Take a piece of A4 paper each. Draw a line down the centre of the page to make two parts to the page. Give one side of the page the title negatives and the other side of the page the title positives. Making sure you both have separate sheets of paper. Now write down on the positive side what it is you think is positive about your partner and the same with the negative side.

When each of you has finished, swap over the sheets of paper with your partner. This may be hard to swallow at first due to some negative things we never really knew about our self and have never had these things brought to our attention till now. Taking feedback on board from others and listening to what they have to say will strengthen our character and let us know where we can improve.

Stay tuned for 6 more questions and 6 more exercises,

Much Love,

Kate xx


For more information on Kate Batten click here