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Five Steps To Increase Self-Esteem – By Alyssa Cruise

Article Written By Alyssa Cruise

 

When we think of self-esteem, we often see it as something that we have or do not have, rather than a way of being. We hear about having high self-esteem or low self-esteem as if there is a sliding scale of esteem that we must compare ourselves too.

In truth, self-esteem is a verb which means; the process of esteeming one’s self.

In other words, the process of boosting our self –esteem begins with us seeing the value within ourselves.

With this in mind, below are five tips to boost our self-esteem to promote a happier and healthier view of ourselves.

 

  1. Believe In Yourself

One of the first steps we must take to boost our own self-esteem is to change the way we think and feel about ourselves. This is a process that does not always happen overnight, and for the majority of the population is an ongoing journey throughout most of our lives.

When we begin to take responsibility for the way we feel, we empower ourselves. We take charge of our own self-concept which includes; our self worth, beliefs about ourselves, our talents, abilities, potential and value.

  1. Celebrate Your Six Biggest Successes

The more we celebrate our past wins in life, the more belief and confidence we build within our abilities.  Sometimes people struggle to think of their successes, and therefore give up on this exercise. However, there is a way for us to contemplate our wins in a very logical and objective structure, which can help us to see how much we have all grown on our life’s journey.

How To Identify Our Successes.

Step one is to split your life into sections. This will vary depending on each of our ages, but for example, 0-15, 16-30, 30-45.

Step two, you will now choose two successes you experienced within each of these time frames.

Step three, once you have discovered six life successes go back, and continue this same pattern. You may find that before too long you have identified very long list of successes, which you can then celebrate, with great belief in yourself.

After this exercise is complete, moving forwards, we can make a weekly or even daily list of our achievements. This will allow us to see our own progression from week to week, and will ultimately increase of self-belief and self-esteem.

  1. Make Integrity a Priority

One of the best ways we can boost our own self-esteem, is to make integrity a priority. Every agreement we make with others’, we also make with ourselves. When we stick to our word, we honour our integrity. If we don’t follow through on our word, we can ultimately lose faith and even trust within ourselves. This lack of trust within causes our self-esteem to plummet. By keeping our commitments and honouring our integrity we increase our self-esteem and sense of personal power.

  1. Take Some Risks

The higher our self-esteem is, the more likely we are to take successful risks. This is not about risk taking in a ‘negative’ sense, but rather risks that lead us greater success and even happiness. When we lack belief in ourselves, we can also lack gumption and drive. This can lead us to feeling deflated and unsure of ourselves. Taking risks, however small they may seem to begin with, can really help us to develop a deep sense of self-esteem.

  1. Demonstrate Your Talents

When our self-esteem is low, we often turn to thinking negatively about ourselves and our abilities. It is important within these times that we go within and remind ourselves of the things we are truly good at, and the things we do enjoy.

For example, if you are good at sport join a local team. If you are good at painting, showcase your work. If you are good at singing, post a video online or make a professional recording for yourself, friends or family.

When we engage in the things that we do well at, we are able to grow and flourish our self-esteem in tremendous ways.

Tips breakdown;

  • Believe In Yourself
  • Celebrate Your Six Biggest Successes
  • Make Integrity A Priority
  • Take Some Risks
  • Demonstrate Your Talents

Much Love,

Alyssa x


 

A Valuable Mindset by Trilby Johnson

Article Written By Trilby Johnson

“Mind what you are saying, especially about and to yourself.
Because you always tend to believe it.”
– Trilby Johnson

Mindset, is all about the stories we tell ourselves as well as what motives us when making the decisions and taking the actions we do. Our mindset consists of belief systems that we learn as children and that will inform much of our lives as adults. Beliefs are the mental building blocks we have that help us to make sense of the world around us and which many use to draw meaning about their lives from. Mindset is important because it fuels our attitudes and the way it which we respond to situations and other people and it helps us to form habits.

For much of our lives, we operate from these conscious and subconscious mindsets. Depending on the quality of the predominant mindset however, as we go through different life stages, situations and experiences, a specific mindset which may have been suitable and effective beforehand, no longer offers the most appropriate results and outcomes and may require reassessment and updating to something new.

Sounds straightforward for sure. Yet many people struggle with this. Firstly, because these mindsets are often operating on a subconscious level as well as being habitual and automatic behaviours and responses. And so whilst a person may really desire to change a specific belief and attitude, they may experience resistance. For instance, a person who lacks self-confidence may desire to feel more confident. And so they may choose to believe they are more confident and there may even be an improvement in their confidence levels  – like the ‘fake it till you make it’ slogan. This may work for a while. However, faking it will not be sustainable for very long and often the older more habitual mindset can pull them down. This is the reason that in my opinion and experience, positive affirmations can only take someone so far, before there needs to be another shift to the next level.

Image courtesy of pixabay.com

To experience mindset in an evergreen way, there is more to mindset than mere beliefs. They are indeed the building blocks to how we choose to function in the world. Yet humans are also sentient beings and so much of our prioritizing is based on our value system, which is the foundation of our building blocks. This aspect is often overlooked when it comes to wanting to install new belief patterns. The reason, in my experience, that there can be so much resistance is because when our values and our beliefs are not in alignment, we experience resistance and feel that we have to force or struggle in life.

Our values are a set of core principles that we use in making decision across our lives and are based on importance and need. Not to be confused with your beliefs, which are basically assumptions that we take to be true. Tension can arise when two important values come into play and create a feeling of conflict, when it comes to making important decisions. For instance, whether to stay in a job that is no longer satisfying and boring for security reasons and because that’s how it’s been there for years. Or go for a new job or lifestyle where it would be possible to express more creativity and independence, although it’s risking financial security.

In a case like this, there may be several conflicting beliefs, feelings and circumstances that need to be managed. More often than not, a person can feel pulled in different directions and this makes choosing the correct mindset and attitude challenging. Values come from the heart and beliefs come from the head. So the challenge is finding a happy medium that makes resetting our minds easier.

To do this, prioritizing and updating your values is very important because situations and options are changing all the time, as we grow and expand. Here’s an example! A few years ago, I decided I wanted to be happier and healthier and release the struggle that seem to always appear. So I sat down and did an evaluation and prioritization of my values. One of my top three priorities was ‘security’. Imagine my astonishment when I realized that happiness and health were not even in my top 10! So I had to shift my beliefs around ‘being safe’ and looking at ‘happiness and health’ in a new way. This change in priorities and values, helped me shift my thinking and establish a new mindset, that incorporated all of these values.

Here is a short exercise to help you identify your top 10 core values are:
Sit down and write down the first things that come to mind that are important to you in your life. (If you need examples of values, just google values and you can find lists to draw from.)

  1. Rank them from 1 to 10 with 1 being the most important and 10 the least.
  2. Then ask yourself if these are still valid for you?
  3. Are these values truly your own?
  4. When sorted, ask if there are any ‘new’ values that you wish to add? Add and rank them.
  5. Reflect on what has come up and also write down any of the beliefs that may have popped up. For example, health depends on genetic make-up; or if I am happy people will think I am selfish etc.
  6. If the values identified are not in your top 10, I invite you to add them in. Then sit back and watch what shows up.
  7. Repeat often.

Actively participating in setting our values, helps to prioritize and activate them in both the conscious and subconscious mind. This dynamic is what fuels a powerful and positive intention, attitude and mindset. Having a valuable mindset, requires adding value to our lives and ensuring when and how our mindset serves us best as we grow and expand.

Much Love, Trilby

p.s. Would you like a great resource of original inspiration to support shifting your thinking? My book ‘A-Ha Moments’ is available online and will support you in having your own a-ha moments.


Trilby Johnson is an Author, Speaker and Body Energy Alchemist. She supports conscious and forward-thinking individuals to move from pain to resolution by resolving the core imbalances that destabilize and limit them, leaving them stuck in the muck of trauma and pain. When they connect the essence of who they truly are, they realize and align with their full potential and live happy, healthy and successful lives, on their own terms.

 

Website : http://www.trilbyjohnsontheconnective.com
Email: info@trilbyjohnsontheconnective.com

 

Money and Budgets: Do I have too?

Article Written By Ellen Rich, Holistic Life Coach and Founder

www.act2.expert

“The budget is not just a collection of numbers, but an expression of our values and aspirations.”

~Jacob Lew Read

 

People have different approaches to money.  Rich or poor, perception of money changes with context.  Each financial group from billionaires to the homeless evaluate groups they are not a part.

Family and culture play a huge role in how you approach money and budget.  A large family that lives together may need less money and can stretch a budget. A single person living on their own, however, may not be able to do this as well.  Money and budgets are not good or bad.  The key is determining what you have now, what resources will come into your possession, and lifestyle.

 

What’s mine?

Whomever you are living with, someone or living on your own, you need to decide how money is consolidated or kept separate from others.  Expenses are split and money allocated depending on each person’s contribution and perspective.  Bills need to be paid and a monthly budget plan put into place.

 

Debt: most of us use it.

Many people stretch their lifestyle by borrowing money (banks, friends, family, investment accounts and credit cards). * closed parentheses  added. There is always a price to pay for borrowing money.  The budget may be met, but the emotional price and financial impact depends on your particular situation.  Emotions can (fly) RUN HIGH when discussions about income, spending and debt arise.

 

Danger, danger and more danger!

If you borrow or lend money, beware that the long -term outcome may not work out as agreed.  I know of someone who lent a “friend” $1,000 and never saw it again.  Even landlords or the tax collectors may impose rules on you that you didn’t anticipate.  Think about what could happen and plan accordingly.

 

What is your money make-up?

How you view money can impact budget decisions.  Even if your current situation looks strong, spenders and savers often clash.  Situations can change (layoffs, death, illness, children, etc.).

 

Money usually creates financial “power” issues

This issue can be traced back to how much money you have and can impact issues that you never experienced.  A loss of a salary can change the entire household.  Additionally, your salary negotiations fall into this category. Applying for a loan or government financial aid also can impact you due to the loss of your power. Whoever has the money has the financial power.

Children

Children are expensive.  It is estimated by CNN.com that it costs $233,610 to raise a child to until they reach the age of 18.  And colleges are very expensive?  There are student loans, community colleges, trade schools and government subsidies.  Your choice is based on your financial commitment to your child.

Sometimes children over 18 want to continue to live with you to reduce their expenses.  You need to consider how much money you will use to support adult children.  It can help if your adult children decide to support you or can contribute financially to the household. I became a caretaker to my mother for 8 years when she was in her 80’s.  This impacted my job, working part time, salary, siblings and inheritance.

Extended Family

As your parents or elders age, their ability or desire to earn income falls.  Most seniors may want to live alone, but can’t afford it.  They may also be sickly and need help with healthcare and day-to-day activities.  Outside, home health care is very expensive.

Where will your money going to go?  Is it going to you, your household, relatives or parents?  These decisions may impact your savings and lifestyle.  The good news here is that your extended family may help you out in ways you never considered.

Solutions

Communication is the key to financial challenges. Dealing with debt is essential in understanding your ongoing plans.  Bankruptcy or wage garnishment may be just around the corner.  If married you are responsible for your partner’s debt.  Don’t shy away from pre-nuptial discussions or a contract when setting up a household with others.

Divorce is quiet common and over 50% of marriages are impacted.  Without understanding the laws in your state, province or country, this can be devastating from a financial standpoint. Go online or visit a divorce attorney to find out what you may be responsible for.  Good advice to keep you on top of your money is, “Never a borrower or a lender be.”

Why do I need a budget?

A budget is a plan that allows you to compare the amount of money you have with your expenses.  Budgets can be developed for any time period, but a monthly review is a good idea to see if you are on track.  Budgets are flexible and can be changed based on circumstances.  Budgets are critical in making big purchases.  They can help you decide whether to make a purchase or not.  With budgets you remain “in the know” of your resources so there are no surprises.

Thank you so much for reading, much love

Ellen xx


After working in the corporate world for 30+ years, Ellen started a Holistic Life Coaching program.  Called act2.expert (www.act2.expert), it is a Holistic Life Coaching Program that allows the client drive the process in a safe and comfortable environment.  Ellen has a BA, MBA, many certificates and has attended Wisdom of the Whole Coaching Academy.

Pain Versus Pleasure – REAL LIFE STORY!

Real Life Story Written By Scott Vejar

Although I didn’t come up with this title on my own, it resonated with my life on more than one occasion. While attending a Tony Robbins event, he spoke on the topic of pain versus pleasure. He said that people do things to either avoid pain or gain pleasure. He gave us an exercise to do to help overcome hurdles, challenges, or setbacks. We would pick out a ‘challenge’ in our lives that we had a difficult time accomplishing or completing (even though it was necessary to do to make our lives better).

We would make two columns and write the word ‘Pain’ as a header for the left side column, and then write the word ‘Pleasure’ as a header for the right-hand column. What Tony stated was that ‘pain’ could be emotional pain, embarrassment, inconvenience, fear, lack of money, loss of a loved one or anything you would lose for not accomplishing what needs to be done. Then we would come up with a list of the ‘pain’ of not doing what needs to be done versus the ‘pleasure’ we would get from doing said tasks. For example, one of my ‘needs to get done’ was to practice public speaking. The ‘pain’ for me was being embarrassed of making a fool of myself, speaking of something that people were not interested. Another ‘pain’ was feeling uncomfortable speaking in front of people because I did not have self-confidence. I was very self-conscience of my looks because people would make fun of me when I was a kid.

This assignment was tough for me because it opened up some emotional wounds. It made me think about things that were hidden deep inside. They kept me from doing things because of lack of self-confidence, being self-conscience of how people thought of me, and being afraid to speak in front of an audience. The ‘pleasure’ I would get out of public speaking would be helping other people, gaining confidence, making friends, conquering my fear of public speaking, making a career change, making money, and furthering my knowledge on the subjects I wanted to speak on. The ‘pleasure’ list outweighed the ‘pain’ list. It was there that I decided to join Toastmasters (https://www.toastmasters.org/).

It all started when I was a kid. I was the youngest of four boys. One of the main issues I had was that I was fat. My brothers would pick on me a lot, and that made me self-conscience of my looks. To save money, my dad would shave our heads during the summer. My brothers would get on their knees and start bowing and chanting praise to ‘Buddha’. This made me upset and caused further emotional trauma. Also, we would fight a lot. Brother number one was older and a lot bigger than I was, there were times when he got in his moods, and he would beat me up. Brother number two had issues himself, he would beat me up more than brother number one. Brother number three, who was almost a year older than I was, would beat me up more than the others. So there I was, getting picked on and beaten up for the most part of my childhood.

Not only was I picked on at home, but I was also picked on in elementary school too. Because I was born late in the year, my parents had a choice to either put me in school early (which made me almost a year younger than everyone else) or wait and put me in school later (which would have made me a little older than the other classmates). My parents decided to put me in school early. There were a few classmates who used to bully me

either verbally or physically. I used to get into a lot of fights; I lost most of them. There was one classmate I had to deal with who would make fun of me all the time because I was fat. The problem with that was he was my cousin, so I was being made fun of at school, but also at family events. He would make fun of me in front of the classmates all during recess, and during lunch, he was relentless. Getting picked on at school by the school bullies and my cousin made me completely withdrawn and depressed. It got to the point where I hated not only hated school, but also life itself. When I hear people say, “I hate that” or, “I hate this,” I joke around and say “hate is a strong word.” But for a long time when I was a kid, I really used to hate life. It got to the point where I hated every day of my life. The sayings, “Time goes by fast when you are having fun,” and “a watched pot never boils” meant a lot to me. I didn’t want to go to school so much that on the weekends I would stare at the clock so time would go by slow. If I went out and played, time would go by fast, and then school would come around quicker than I liked. I was one mixed up kid.

I met someone on Facebook who is a public speaker. I was interested in the possibility of overcoming my fear, so I met him. He asked me about my life. It is hard for me to say this, but there was a time in fourth grade when I used to think about killing myself. There were times I used to stand on the street corner and think about running in front of a car, just to end it all. I still remember four different occasions when I was so close. I couldn’t get any closer without actually going through with it. I just wanted to get it over with.

Then one day, something happened that changed my life. One of my brother’s classmate’s father committed suicide on the next block in between a store and a house. The kids in the neighborhood started making fun of the man, calling him crazy, a looney toon, and a psycho. As weird as this sounds, this was one confusing time for me. I wanted to kill myself because I was tired of being bullied and picked on. But since the kids were making fun of the man who killed himself, I didn’t want people to make fun of me because I killed myself (as crazy as that sounds). So now I was stuck. Do I kill myself because I don’t want people to make fun of me, or do I not kill myself because I don’t want people to make fun of me? Obviously, I didn’t kill myself, but it made life unpleasant for a long time. I conditioned myself to hate life, be very negative, not enjoy things I should have enjoyed, and not appreciate my accomplishments.

Which brings me to the title of this story, Pain versus Pleasure. Looking back at what Tony Robbins said, people do things to either avoid pain or gain pleasure. So in my case, it was more painful to have people make fun of me for killing myself than it was for people making fun of me for being fat. I am glad I made the decision I made; I now enjoy life.

I use the ‘Pain versus Pleasure’ exercise whenever I want or need to do something that will make my life better. I used it to join Toastmasters, which for me, was one big step in life. I am no longer afraid of public speaking. I still need to work on the art of public speaking, but I overcame my fear.

I feel the ‘Pain versus Pleasure’ could be effective for anyone. If there is anything you want or need to do that you are hesitant to do, this exercise will help you find your calling.

Thank you so much for reading, much love

Scott Vejar

How to Make Relationships WORK!

A healthy loving relationship is a sacred gift from our higher source of power. For those who call your higher power God, just like me. We know that god wants us to love each other and create together. He didn’t want us to be upset in a relationship or be miserable, nor did he want us to merely exist in an unloving duty that we feel the need to be tied to because of money of other issues.

A relationship should be a happy journey for you and your partner. You both should have the room you need for each of you to develop and grow. Not everyone stays the same and over time we evolve. We all have personal growth journeys and none of us will be the same people ten years from now. This means the relationship has to grow and develop with us or it will never work. Too many people stay together just for the sake of “making things easier.”

We tell lies to ourselves by doing this. Nothing is going to be easier; in fact you are making life ten times harder for yourself for not being you. If you are not being complete free who you want to be then it’s time to stretch your wings and be the person that you have always wanted to be. It’s time to seriously look at what we should be doing in this relationship and what we shouldn’t. I can’t promise that at the end of this blog that your relationship will be all rosy and everything will be fantastic. But I can promise that I will give you a better understanding and make you aware of the things that should be happening, in order to improve your everyday lives, and also not to live frustrated and misunderstood each day.

We all yearn for emotional and spiritual connection. We want to be accepted for who we are. We want to be forgiven for our past mistakes and not be judged by the one person we share our lives with. We want understanding, affection, tenderness and we want our partner to know when exactly we need these things, so that we can receive them.

When we first enter a relationship we tend to put on our happy face and also wear the rose tinted specs. For the first 3 months our heads in the clouds and we are in honeymoon period. We are so overjoyed and infatuated with each other that we cancel out the real world. We only think of the “now moment” rather than 6, 12 months from now. After the infatuation dies down, reality sinks in. We really start to learn the person behind the happy face and we start to notice their true habits and true personality.

A long-term relationship and a marriage require a lot of work from both parties. It requires sensitivity, communication, respect, empathy and listening to one another. It requires a lot of your attention and time to make sure it keeps developing while you’re together.

One of the strongest tools in a relationship is communication and it’s something a lot of couples don’t do. We somehow expect our partners to automatically know how we are feeling. We have all expected this, at same stage in a relationship within our lives and those who say they haven’t really are not being completely honest to them self. Think about it for one moment. If we didn’t have to communicate to have the perfect relationship and our partners could read our minds then would frustration really exist?…Course it wouldn’t. In fact everyone would have perfect relationships, awesome sex lives and the divorce lawyers would be out of business!

My friends the only way you are going to have the most amazing relationship and sex life is through communicating with each other and telling each other how you feel and also taking each other’s feelings into consideration. HOWEVER. You do both have to commit to doing the work and carrying out the communication in the first place. If only one of you decides to complete the work and the other chooses not to then you’re both going to end up on completely different pages? Which will result in you totally not understand where the other person is coming from? So take your time to work through each issue in your relationship together, and support each other while you are taking this new journey.

Facing the Music

For any relationship to move forward we first have to deal with the issues that are frustrating you right now. Not every person possesses the same levels of caring, respect and love as each other.

You may love at a deeper level then your partner. Remember that you are not the same people and you have come from entirely different backgrounds. So you have learnt different ways of how to treat others. What might seem unacceptable treatment to one could feel completely normal to the other.

This is where frustration comes in.  So rather than communicating with each other we will instead bottle these emotions up which then build up and can result in an explosion of emotions which result in a huge argument. This is why in order to move forward we have to face the music and we have to put all our cards on the table and be forced to look at our bad points…….and accept them!

Don’t expect them to read your mind or live up to expactations that they could never reach! That’s completely unacceptable to expect somebody to deliver a high expectency and then later pull them down for not reaching what is expected from them. Nobody is perfect, so if you learn to support each other and work on the weak points (weak points NOT bad) you will go on to grow together and have a wonderful relationship.

Now I am not saying that won’t ever be storms to ride, stressful times ahead or unexpected hurdels ahead, because I would be completely B.S-ing you! Of course they will! But at least if you work together stronger as a unit, rather then divided you will come through the worse storms and out the otherside stronger then ever!

I pray a massive  blessing over you today and your relationships, and may your realtionship be as strong and happy as mine.

Have a wonderful rest of your week,

Much Love

Kate xx

 

Could You Be The Rockstar We Are Looking For?

Hey My Friend,

How are you? How is your week shaping up so far? I hope you are rocking them goals and taking action towards them dreams!

Last week I sent out a newsletter to The Missing Piece Magazine readers to let them know about our awesome news!

That news is that we are extending our interactive team and opening up 3 spots for 3 rock stars to become a part of The Missing Piece Interactive team. Two amazing ladies joined the team last week and so we still have 1 position available.

Could this be you? If you think you qualify for this awesome position then don’t hesitate to hit this link here and it will send you to our application form.

The chosen lucky candidate that qualifies to become the brand new member of The Missing Piece Magazine Interactive team will have a double page spread every month in the magazine for ONLY $49.99 each month ( the usual price $3,000 to advertisers) which includes the benefit of video. You will become a part of an extended network of coaches from all across the world with a network that expands to over 100,000 people and you will have the opportunity of appearing on a future cover of the magazine!!

YES! You read that right! You WILL be a future cover girl/guy! Which is a FANTASTIC way to advertise your service.

The Missing Piece Magazine is a free magazine and our content is filled with highly sought after training, coaches, and content. Which means you have the chance to be presented to a “highly targeted” audience. The Missing Piece Magazine subscribers and network grows more GLOBALLY every day! So, don’t miss this awesome opportunity to be a part of something amazing! Especially when we sell the above two packages in our media kit to advertisers for $8,000!!

The question now remains: Are you the rock star we are looking for? If you think you qualify then don’t hesitate to hit this link and be directed over to our application form.

GOOD LUCK! I hope to see you on the other side!

Much Love & Appreciation

Kate xx

Oh, How Far I Have Come!

 

 

The past 7 days have been really extreme for me to say the least! You know when you have them moments of “Oh my gosh! Look how far I have come” moments?

Well, that was me this week. I watched a real life drama that told the story of a young woman who was beaten to death by her boyfriend while her 3-year-old daughter watched. This really placed me back to where I was 7 years ago, and how freaking LUCKY I am to be alive today!

I was in an abusive relationship in my early 30’s, which nearly cost me my life. The stress of that relationship caused me to develop anxiety disorder, which resulted from me in having huge panic attacks—one panic attack resulted in a stroke, which paralysed the right side of my body for two months afterwards. So to sit there and watch another person’s story and the fact she never made it out alive was EXTREME! I had a moment where I was shocked that I had come this far and was still alive.

Watching another person’s story took me back to the times when my ex would come home from the pub and sit at the end of my bed for two hours and give me of verbal torture, then he would then fall asleep into a beer coma next to me until morning. There were many times when I woke up in the morning wet through because he had wet the bed at the side of me. He would drink so much that he wouldn’t even get up to go to the bathroom, and just lay there and peed himself instead. One evening, when I suggested that he should slow down with his drinking because I was afraid he may have a drinking problem, he launched across the room and grabbed me by the neck and pushed my back up against the wall. He started squeezing my throat tighter and tighter and I panicked, thinking he was going to kill me. Finally, he slackened his grip and I fell to the floor, gasping for breath.

The ladies story took me back to my own, and the next morning I cried my eyes out. Not because I was upset, or because my life is bad in any way. I cried with massive appreciation in my heart that I now live with one amazing, loving man who will be my husband in only 10 weeks time. That I have a business that I love and a family that is so beautiful and precious in every way. I cried because I had completely changed my life around from the life I had only 7 and the half years ago!

I cried because I am so lucky compared to so many people in relationships who aren’t so lucky. The ones that don’t make it to even write a blog like this to share with you because their partner took their life. Having this huge awakening this week completely knocked me for six and I had to take time out for me to process all of this. Plus, yet another terrible incident happening in London this week where a whole tower block of people lost their homes, lost their loved ones and had to stand there and watch everything their own go up in flames.

All this and starting my new college course in addiction counselling and starting with my new coach was so much to take in and process all in one week. So when there is a lot to process it only means one thing for me. Take 5, process it all, recharge and then come back ready to face the world like a lion once more. If you don’t give yourself process time then your brain will overload and you could end up completely drained.

We always have to remember we are only human and breakthroughs, learning and situations in the world can have a massive impact upon you. And that’s ok, but just be honest with yourself and notice when you do need to process, and respect yourself enough time to allow that process to happen.

If I was to pretend to you that shit never happened to me, or that I didn’t need time to process all that has hit me in one week, wouldn’t I be really bullshitting you? I would be setting a fake stage by saying “Growth is easy” … Mmmmm no it isn’t! It’s far from freaking easy, and your followers will appreciate you so much more if you actually admit it!

So this is my confession list to you today:

  • I cried this week because I am lucky to have all abusive relationships behind me and be still alive.
    I have a new and amazing coach and she taught me more in one week than I learnt in 2 years!
    The London tower fire made my heart heavy for those who have lost everything.
    I am a college student working towards a Diploma in Addiction coaching and loving it!
    I brought Matthew (future husband) to tears with his father’s day gift.
    I am a human being and needed the time out yesterday to process everything from this week.
    I am really really really appreciative of my life and YOU.

It’s been one heck of a journey to get here today, but I wouldn’t change any part of it. I will continue on this journey of growing The Missing Piece Magazine so that people like myself on a growth journey can have access to a powerful tool for FREE! So that they have to hand everything they need to work through them moments of processing. So they too don’t feel completely blinded by all the “perfection” that is placed before them in the world.

It can be so easy to follow somebody who makes it all look easy, who really does not tell you half of what they actually go through behind the scenes and to me that’s just complete rubbish and setting a fake high standard that you will never in a million years reach, or die trying. Growth is far from easy, it’s just freaking worth it!

This journey is never about how far you have yet to go, it’s about how far you have come already. Every other day from here on is just another bonus of you going further. As we go into the weekend take time for yourself and your own processing of this week. Tomorrow is the release of issue 6 of The Missing Piece Magazine and in this month’s issue, we are looking at The Laws of the Universe. what are they? Who wrote them? What are they all about? Do they work? and so much more will be answered inside with powerful articles and interactive video articles.

This is your chance to process some of the powerful knowledge in this month’s issue from all our 30 coaches and Plus an Exclusive Interview with our cover guy Mark Baker and so much more. Place your name and email address in the sign-up box below and issue 6 will be delivered straight to your inbox tomorrow.

So, until next time have a wonderful weekend and make this day your best day yet!

Kate xx

Guest Blog: Janet Swift

OVERWHELM

Overwhelmed? Moi? I’d like to say definitely not but suffice to say that I’m over deadline with this article. Not good, not pleased with myself. That old thing about counting sheep when trying to fall asleep never worked for me – why? Because the whole flock launched itself at the fence in one team action, rather than sedately lining up and jumping over singly in a civilised fashion. My life currently feels just like that. I’m smiling quietly to myself and, as I’m alone not raising suspicion by so doing, because each month I find the title of the article pertinent to my circumstances. Funny that, given the subject of each article was decided many moons ago. I guess that’s a topic for another day – am I just subconsciously more aware of what’s coming up? Interesting.

Actually, I’m rather pleased with myself. Just a few months’ ago I was having tests for leukaemia and was very ill indeed. Fast forward a few months – and many, many medical tests – and I’ve come from complete physical overwhelm and crawling into bed by seven o’clock each evening, to currently concurrently holding down three jobs. I didn’t intent that to happen, the employment sheep hurled themselves simultaneously over the fence and the current fiscals dictate that each opportunity be seized with gratitude. I’m finding that deep gratitude for my renewed health and wellbeing is lifting me to a place where I can, with planning and a ‘will do’ attitude, cope with the demands on my time and fortitude. You see, the knowledge that the medics don’t know what I have/have had, but do know that it isn’t terminal, fuels a place deep within that enables the strength to rise up and meet whatever is incoming. Hold on to that thought if – and I hope you never will – feel you’re surviving with your nostrils only just above the water.

So far I’ve touched on physical and employment overwhelm, both of which have a negative connotation. However, there is always a balance in life and nature and, for me, it is being completely and utterly overwhelmed with gratitude for my health and all that represents; my recovery from illness and my physical, mental and emotional ability to power on through the next three months of triple employment. And that, my friends, is an enormous positive.

At times, we might feel we’re sinking under the burden of emotional, time or financial pressures from others or just demands we place upon ourselves to conform, perform or be all things to everyone. Do you do that? I know I have certainly been one to try and fix everything for everyone, mistakenly feeling I had to keep everyone’s lives in a constant state of equilibrium. A dear friend opened my eyes to that one by suggesting that it was actually rather arrogant of me to assume I could do a better job of THEIR lives than THEY could. I had caused my own very unnecessary overwhelm by being a self-appointed ‘fixer’. Oh, the relief of letting all that go and, I assume, the relief for others that I had! Hmmm, all that overwhelm caused by me for myself. Do you do that? Cut it back, simplify and/or rectify would be my top tip, having got the full set of tee-shirts on this one!

Overwhelm strikes at the most unexpected times, sometimes literally rendering us incapable of speech or action. I’ve known both. May I share something with you? My mother had years of poor health and several times I sat through the night with her, having been told she wouldn’t make it through to the morning. She always did, confounding the medics. One day, I had a call from the nursing home saying Mum had been sick in the night and they were calling the doctor. I said I’d be over shortly. I was busy preparing a buffet for some visitors due later that day. When I arrived, Mum said “Well, Jan, I think this might be the end of the road for me. If it is, I want you to know how truly honoured I am to have had you as my daughter”. I was so overwhelmed by the moment that I just couldn’t respond. Mum was blind and so couldn’t see my reaction. To this day it troubles me that I didn’t thank her for being such a wonderful mother and tell her how much I loved her. I was literally unable to speak. I didn’t expect it was the end as she looked well and was up, dressed and quite perky. She died later that afternoon.

Fast forward a week and I was trying to get the house cleaned as I wanted everyone to come to our home after saying goodbye, and I knew this would make Mum happy. I was against the clock and yet I just sat staring at the vacuum cleaner, unable to move to start the cleaning, totally immobilised by overwhelming thoughts and emotions. Now I’m usually a capable ‘just get on with it’ sort of girl, so I was perplexed by my inability to respond to the needs of the moment. Luckily for me, a dear friend turned up, took charge of the vacuum and did for me what I was unable to even begin.

I’ve touched on emotional, physical and mental overwhelm, both short and long term, so it might be helpful to have a look at each of those.
SHORT TERM
Builds up over hours, not months. Slow-burn, increases over a period of weeks or months.
Mental
Lose focus and just can’t keep going, Stressful job, long hours, little rest.
Studying for/taking exams Long-term project or care-giver
Intense mental focus for a few hours. Constant demands on time/energy.
Physical
Exhausted, no more to give after a hard Illness, p oor sleep and nourishment
day, or physical endeavour
Emotional
Frustration/anger, disagreements, regret Divorce, loss of a loved one.
over action/inaction/responses redundancy, unemployment

STRATEGIES FOR COPING
Perhaps the most important first step is acknowledging that we are in a state of overwhelm, regardless of its origin. Sometimes a whole herd of life events come at us at once and knock the stuffing out of us; it might be a relationship break-up or an argument, or a loss of some kind.
Left to boil over, overwhelm in any one area can have a crippling affect in all areas of life to the degree we’re unable to function. Taking control is essential and that requires planning.

Mental Overwhelm
Sometimes we just have to work with what we have and deal with life events, as and when they happen. If there are many and various issues to deal with, what can you do to reduce the load? Is it possible to ask for help – this was the subject of an earlier article – either with the tasks themselves or with emotional support to enable you to work through them. Can you do anything to spread out the mental heavy lifting so that it becomes more manageable?
At times like this, it’s essential to be aware of those situations which make us feel emotional and negatively fired-up and avoid them, since they drain away energy reserves that can be better utilised performing the tasks which lie ahead.

Emotional Overwhelm
Frustration and anger are forms of emotional overwhelm and are states we often find ourselves in. In the short term, perhaps we’ve had an argument and thoughts of what was said, or what we wish we’d said or done, are festering away inside which is so draining of our energy, leaving little in the pot for family or friends. When we’re angry and mentally fatigued, we’re not in the right mindset to respond appropriately so it’s best not to react immediately, but rather re-visit the scenario after a period of rest and reflection when it’s easier to see things in perspective.

When we’re emotionally stunned by loss of some kind, be it death, divorce, health issues or redundancy, overwhelm can build over weeks and months, following on from the emotional shock we’ve suffered. Or perhaps it’s built up over a period of time with an ever-increasing workload or level of responsibility.

Whatever the cause, short or long term, taking time to practice mindfulness and meditation really can provide a breathing space and allow us to identify where we’re ‘bleeding’ energy and becoming exhausted. If this doesn’t come easily to you, then begin by just being still physically, breathing deeply and allowing yourself just be in the moment, perhaps listening to some calming music of choice, for music really does reach those places deep within and also soothe the troubled mind.

Physical Overwhelm
Sometimes there’s just nothing left in the tank after a hard day at work, or a period of sustained mental concentration such as when studying or focusing on a project for a few hours. The key to reversing this is hydration, nourishment and sleep.

It’s imperative to plan ahead if we know that a period of sustained physical stress is approaching. It’s necessary to rejuvenate ourselves every day which takes discipline and planning. Having enough sleep is essential, as is regular exercise which increases the oxygen circulation and is therefore good for the whole body and helps with clarity of thought. Conserve energy for the tasks you know must be completed.

We’re happy enough to make sure our care has the correct grade of fuel, enough water, is regularly serviced and is taken out for a run to keep everything oiled and working smoothly. If we don’t, it won’t work efficiently. Yet, when we’re tired and fatigued, we often settle for junk food and top up with ‘performance’ drinks and yet expect our bodies to perform at optimum level. It won’t be long before our immune system starts to break down and we pick up illnesses we would have overcome without even realising, had we not been tired and poorly nourished.

So, what can you do to have more and better quality rest?

If It’s Going To Be Long Haul …
Welcoming any help, and actively seeking assistance, is really important to sustain the days and weeks ahead. A ‘self can manage’ attitude might just bring your little boat crashing onto the rocks. Is there a friend or relative who is there to discuss things with, or just listen as you unload? An emotional support network really is a safety net to catch us when we feel we’re falling, and there will be days when it all seems too much. But it isn’t, and somehow we find that courage within to carry us forward.

The rejuvenative power of sleep really is the key to the tool box. It enables the mind to re-set, the body to repair and the brain to shuffle thoughts into a brighter perspective.

As mentioned earlier, good nutrition and hydration and building some exercise into the day will keep mind, body and soul healthy so energy isn’t dissipated into recovering from illness, either mental or physical.

If there’s a project or exam deadline, pace the work or revision so optimum performance is achieved and maintained. Schedule what needs to be done and when to achieve success and stick to it. There’s a real sense of achievement in ticking the boxes, as tasks are successfully achieved.

If overwhelmed by loss, the above still applies, although it’s never easy to keep moving forward. Try to look for one positive each day, and hold on to that. The light will shine again but take time to grieve and adjust to the changes in life going forward. Healing and recovery from overwhelm of any kind is not time-specific and will vary for everyone. We have to be kind and nurture ourselves in the way we would those we love.

It’s late now, so I’m off for some rejuvenating rest. I wish you peace, happiness and success until we meet again next month. Remember, be kind to yourself because you deserve it!

Much Love

Janet x

Through careers in nursing, the police, the corporate world and as a successful business owner, Janet Swift continued hiding her potential until life’s hobnail boot startled her awake.  Today, Janet helps clients recognise events which shaped them, inspiring them to shine by living in integrity with their values and aspirations.

www.lifechangingcafe.com