Article Written By Ellen Rich, Holistic Life Coach and Founder
“The budget is not just a collection of numbers, but an expression of our values and aspirations.”
~Jacob Lew Read
People have different approaches to money. Rich or poor, perception of money changes with context. Each financial group from billionaires to the homeless evaluate groups they are not a part.
Family and culture play a huge role in how you approach money and budget. A large family that lives together may need less money and can stretch a budget. A single person living on their own, however, may not be able to do this as well. Money and budgets are not good or bad. The key is determining what you have now, what resources will come into your possession, and lifestyle.
Whomever you are living with, someone or living on your own, you need to decide how money is consolidated or kept separate from others. Expenses are split and money allocated depending on each person’s contribution and perspective. Bills need to be paid and a monthly budget plan put into place.
Debt: most of us use it.
Many people stretch their lifestyle by borrowing money (banks, friends, family, investment accounts and credit cards). * closed parentheses added. There is always a price to pay for borrowing money. The budget may be met, but the emotional price and financial impact depends on your particular situation. Emotions can (fly) RUN HIGH when discussions about income, spending and debt arise.
Danger, danger and more danger!
If you borrow or lend money, beware that the long -term outcome may not work out as agreed. I know of someone who lent a “friend” $1,000 and never saw it again. Even landlords or the tax collectors may impose rules on you that you didn’t anticipate. Think about what could happen and plan accordingly.
What is your money make-up?
How you view money can impact budget decisions. Even if your current situation looks strong, spenders and savers often clash. Situations can change (layoffs, death, illness, children, etc.).
Money usually creates financial “power” issues
This issue can be traced back to how much money you have and can impact issues that you never experienced. A loss of a salary can change the entire household. Additionally, your salary negotiations fall into this category. Applying for a loan or government financial aid also can impact you due to the loss of your power. Whoever has the money has the financial power.
Children are expensive. It is estimated by CNN.com that it costs $233,610 to raise a child to until they reach the age of 18. And colleges are very expensive? There are student loans, community colleges, trade schools and government subsidies. Your choice is based on your financial commitment to your child.
Sometimes children over 18 want to continue to live with you to reduce their expenses. You need to consider how much money you will use to support adult children. It can help if your adult children decide to support you or can contribute financially to the household. I became a caretaker to my mother for 8 years when she was in her 80’s. This impacted my job, working part time, salary, siblings and inheritance.
As your parents or elders age, their ability or desire to earn income falls. Most seniors may want to live alone, but can’t afford it. They may also be sickly and need help with healthcare and day-to-day activities. Outside, home health care is very expensive.
Where will your money going to go? Is it going to you, your household, relatives or parents? These decisions may impact your savings and lifestyle. The good news here is that your extended family may help you out in ways you never considered.
Communication is the key to financial challenges. Dealing with debt is essential in understanding your ongoing plans. Bankruptcy or wage garnishment may be just around the corner. If married you are responsible for your partner’s debt. Don’t shy away from pre-nuptial discussions or a contract when setting up a household with others.
Divorce is quiet common and over 50% of marriages are impacted. Without understanding the laws in your state, province or country, this can be devastating from a financial standpoint. Go online or visit a divorce attorney to find out what you may be responsible for. Good advice to keep you on top of your money is, “Never a borrower or a lender be.”
Why do I need a budget?
A budget is a plan that allows you to compare the amount of money you have with your expenses. Budgets can be developed for any time period, but a monthly review is a good idea to see if you are on track. Budgets are flexible and can be changed based on circumstances. Budgets are critical in making big purchases. They can help you decide whether to make a purchase or not. With budgets you remain “in the know” of your resources so there are no surprises.
Thank you so much for reading, much love
After working in the corporate world for 30+ years, Ellen started a Holistic Life Coaching program. Called act2.expert (www.act2.expert), it is a Holistic Life Coaching Program that allows the client drive the process in a safe and comfortable environment. Ellen has a BA, MBA, many certificates and has attended Wisdom of the Whole Coaching Academy.
Guest Blog Written by Wendy L. Yost
“Come here…go away”, “don’t ever leave me”, “there’s only one way for this to work, and it’s my way”. While it may seem that I am quoting people, I’m actually quoting aspects of a different kind of relationship, my relationship with money. If those statements had been in reference to a person, I wouldn’t have allowed that person to stay in my life for very long. And yet, I think for many of us, our relationship with money is reflected in often contradictory statements. And these statements create an undercurrent for when we make choices when it comes to how we relate to, use and appreciate money.
Rather that tell you to do this, not that — or, change how you do things entirely, I’d instead like to approach our time together the way I would one of the university classes I teach and design a curriculum on money intended to heal something, reveal something, and hopefully, with your participation, do both.
In building this curriculum, I started by thinking of assignments that have been particularly potent. And immediately thought about an assignment I’ve used in multiple classes where I have students map a facet of their life. And then thought about how I might creatively adapt the assignment to the subject of money. I found that mapping my relationship to money from birth until now brought new insights that assisted me in befriending money in new ways. What that involved was taking a sheet of paper, starting with the year I was born and then tracking how I have interacted with money through the years, as a child, a teenager, a young adult and now as grown woman, nearly five decades later.
My MONEY MAP illuminated key life events that impacted my relationship to money, such as: Receiving an allowance; comparing my sister’s proclivity for saving money, against mine for spending it; being hired for my first minimum wage job; embarking on my first entrepreneurial pursuit (becoming an Avon Lady!); saying yes to jobs I took to gain experience, even when the pay was awful; buying my first car and taking on my first mortgage; navigating job searches that took much longer than expected; asking my former husband for a necessary divorce; and more recent experiences like using social media to measure myself against the perceived success of others; and celebrating my first six figure year (and wondering how I’ll be able to do it again).
It also surfaced key shifts in my beliefs about money through the years — like when I released the need to earn all the money that I receive; when I got honest about my desire to serve fewer individual clients at greater depth; when I decided to start blessing abundance in all its forms (be it in nature, with my finances or with something like a huge bin of beach balls) or, making the conscious choice to bless forms of abundance I see other than what I would choose for myself (like deciding to imagine each time I see a Ferrari, how I would use the $188,425 to $400,000+ it takes to buy a car like that, instead of judging the driver’s choice).
Completing my MONEY MAP was definitely an eye opening experience. And also one that brought on an array of emotions: Fear, discouragement, worry, disappointment, overwhelm, frustration and impatience — as well as hopefulness, optimism, positive expectancy, triumph, freedom and even, joy. Our relationship with money is many things, and most of all, it is uniquely our own.
Creating your MONEY MAP can bring you new insights as well. As a way to get started, let’s begin with a mini version by calling to mind Ten Money Memories and writing them down. You don’t need to list a bunch of details, just a short phrase or sentence will do, like “the first time I negotiated a great salary” or “that time I found myself calculating Miles Per Gallon to assess how far I could travel by car on $2.50 of gas before my next paycheck arrived” or “when it took six months for a client to pay their invoice on income I was counting on, for work I already delivered on”. Don’t edit, just write what comes.
Once you have your Ten Money Memories, review the list and ask yourself the following questions:
$ Which memories are mostly positive and which are mostly negative?
$ What patterns occurred across multiple Money Memories — were there any repeated people, places or experiences mentioned that are worth noting?
Next, pick one Money Memory that you consider positive and another you consider negative and ask yourself:
$ Who was I at the time?
$ What did I most need during at that point in my life?
Finally, for the two Money Memories that you selected to take a closer look at:
$ What happened before, during and as a result of those Money Memories?
One of the things I noticed in reflecting on these questions is that my best Money Memories tended to involve creative collaborations — and most of my worst were times when I thought I had to handle a challenge or circumstance alone. That’s a powerful insight!
For a worksheet that includes all of the above prompts, bonus content and a list of Related Resources, visit www.moreisavailable.com/themissingpiece-money.
So once we start to see some of the undercurrents present in our relationship with money, what can we do about them? The first thing is give yourself credit, as in “good job, well done” for what you have accomplished. This is important. If you’re about to consider making a change for the better, giving yourself credit, by celebrating how what you’ve done with money in the past worked in some way, rewards the part of your brain that might otherwise resist the change you are wanting to make. To be clear, the credit you are giving yourself has more to do with how you are capable of making something happen, than what actually happened. And, how you can mine your experiences, even the tough ones, to see what treasures they contain.
Ask any awarenesses of your own that surface, “what blessing is available to me now, based on how I handled that then?” And be still. Take a breath. See what comes. If you’re a writer, have a pen or keyboard handy. If you’re an artist, a canvas. A dancer, room to move. Use your natural forms of expression as a way to help you see what is wanting to be healed and/or revealed.
And, if the answer doesn’t come immediately, ask again before bed and ask that the answers come to you in the form of memorable dreams. Through my work with thousands of clients and college students, I’ve come to see that some insights, especially those with the power to transmute outdated beliefs and transform us, are often time release — parceled out as we become ready to receive them, and in ways that allow for easier integration.
Something remarkable is made possible when we are willing to take a look and see things in new ways. My hope is that the territory we covered with your Top Ten List of Money Memories is just the beginning of your forging a new relationship with money. You have something unique to offer the planet. By taking the time to explore your relationships to things like money, and release hidden beliefs or old ways of being that surface, new opportunities have space to grow and find their way to you. And you are also positioned to live in more empowered ways and be of greater service. You have the clarity needed so that as new money flows to you, you have a clearer sense of how to have it work for you, however you choose to relate to, use and appreciate it!
Much Love & Appreciation
No matter how much it hurts, no matter how many times I have to pull myself out of the pit and drag myself up by my finger nails. No matter how painful the journey is, I WILL NEVER give in to him.
Him as in the darkness, You will most likely use the name ego, doubt, darkness, sub-conscious mind, hag in the attic. Well, whatever you like to call the voice in the back of your mind it sure is a bloody battle to keep on growing, to keep on going to improve yourself every day.
The battle between good and evil that goes on day in day out on this planet. You, the human, which is one of God’s highest forms of creation is used within this battle. Your darkness tries to control you, squash your dreams and talk you out of ever doing anything amazing because the fear takes over.
Don’t let it! You are far stronger then you can even begin to understand. You have the strength within you to fight the battle and come out stronger than before, however, that is just what it is, it’s a battle. An upward battle to come through each storm of growth because the comfort zone/darkness/ego HATES it when you succeed or create something that changes humanity for the better.
Why? Because it feels threatened that humanity will all stand together and completely destroy negativity. You see humanity is starting to fight back and take its power of freedom back. More and more people all across the world are starting to work on themselves, more and more people have the thirst for personal-growth each and every day. Slowly a blanket of love, respect and gratitude is starting to sweep across the world. Give it 10 years and there will be more people working on themselves every day to fight the ego/darkness than there is right now, and every 10 years after that it will increase.
It will then be passed down from generations to come and legacies will start to sweep over the nation and mindsets will be completely different to what they are now.
Is personal growth a constant battle?
YES! It is, but do you know what is worse? Sitting in your rocking chair at the age of 85 and looking at your grandchildren and telling them all the things you didn’t do with your life. I don’t know about you? But when I get to that age I still want to be travelling and speaking just like Bob Proctor! Still changing lives and have a huge pool of knowledge to share with every generation across the world.
Every time we reach another level of understanding, or we are about to reach another level of success. The ego/darkness HATES IT! So we are tested and the storm comes. That storm could be a battle of doubt, a testing moment, or it could be a way of testing your weaknesses or spiritual principles. So you have to be prepared and you have to be willing to accept that the storm is coming.
If you stay the course of the battle, either with your mind, or experience. Just keep your faith in knowing that on the other side of that battle or storm there is an amazing experience waiting for you.
You just have to ride the storm and win the battle first!
Have a wonderful Thursday,
Much Love & Appreciation
Guest Blog written by: by Martin Warrillow
The human brain can only be worked so hard. When it’s had enough, it goes haywire. The only job I ever wanted when I was growing up was to be a journalist and despite being born with spina bifida and hydrocephalus (Google it, lol…) I fulfilled that childhood wish to work in journalism.
I had 24 years on various local daily and weekly newspapers in the West Midlands, with most of them spent on the sports desk of a major regional morning newspaper.
We worked ridiculous evening shifts, starting at 3pm and finishing whenever we finished, which was usually between midnight and 1am.
We worked almost every Sunday (we did get Saturdays off, although some of us worked a Saturday to earn extra money) and we worked every Bank Holiday . Of course, this meant I didn’t get home until 1.30am or so and rarely went to bed before 2am.
With my wife waking at 6am to go to work, it meant I wasn’t getting a lot of ‘proper’ sleep. I was also eating ‘on the run’ and eating a bad diet. In hindsight, it was a recipe for disaster and in 2006-7, I started to suffer epilepsy. Gigantic ‘Fall out of bed, lose control of your bodily functions’ seizures.
I had at least ten of them and it took the doctors 18 months to work out what was happening. Finally, my employer paid for a private consultation with a professsor of neurology; to be honest, I think they were frightened about what would happen if something really dramatic went wrong and they were shown not to have fulfilled their duty of care to an employee.
I will never forget the day I sat in that consultant’s office and he said: “You don’t know how close you’ve come to killing yourself. Your eating and sleeping patterns are wrecked; your body clock’s shot to bits.”
Sensing disaster ahead, the company quickly took me off those shifts, put me on regular day shifts for a while and things calmed down. They put me on a veritable feast of medication and as I write, I haven’t had a fit since February 2010. But at the end of 2009, my department was the victim of cost-cutting in the newspaper industry as the internet took all their classified advertising and my job was made redundant.
I moved into the world of freelance journalism and got a decent annual contract editing the quarterly magazine of British Naturism. Yes, British Naturism, the organisation which promotes social nudity as a leisure activity. My wife and I had been naturists since stumbling on to a clothes-optional beach in Spain in 1991 so it seemed the perfect job. And indeed, I enjoyed it for the first three-and-a-half years until the 1% of the membership which voted in leadership elections decided to change the chairman.
The new incumbent hated me and office politics came to the fore. In the autumn of 2013, I decided not to apply for another annual contract but before I could leave, the organisation decided not to renew my contract – and told me in a two-minute phone call one Sunday night, a month before Christmas.
That decision took away 90 per cent of my income and over the next two weeks, I panicked about replacing it. I stressed too much, I worked too hard, I networked too much (at least five meetings a week) – in hindsight, I took my brain and body to their limits and beyond. Then, while I was crossing a road near my home on the afternoon of Monday December 16 2013, I collapsed without warning. I lay in the road helpless – paralysed down my left side, carrying a £2,000 computer in my right hand and with a 47-seater bus coming towards me. I’d had a stroke. At the age of 49, after two and a half decades in the high-pressure world of journalism, my body and brain had cried ‘Enough!’
It should have killed me but somehow the bus miraculously missed me (I am still convinced to this day that the driver doesn’t know I was there, because I was in his blind spot) – and I survived the stroke. I spent a month over Christmas and New Year in hospital (the first two weeks of it wholly paralysed down my left side), I was in a wheelchair for four months, on sticks for 18 months.
It took two years for me to re-learn how to walk (which I still do with a limp) and I have been left with long-term memory loss and balance issues. But at least I’m alive. I’ve been retired from full-time work since December 2015 but I blog about stroke education at www.askthewarrior.com
and I do talks about stroke education as ‘The Warrior’ – specifically emphasising the need for self-employed people to take care of their brains and bodies – no 20-hour days or 100-hour weeks! – and also to prepare financially for the life-changing event “which will never happen to me.”
I’m living, breathing proof that it can happen to you if you work your brain and body too hard. If I can help one person to avoid going through what I’ve been through, I see that as creating a massive positive out of a massive negative.
Thank you for reading,
Guest blog Written by Judy Van Niekerk:
Forgiveness is such a misunderstood concept in our society today.
Forgiveness is a journey, a natural by product of healing. A journey that involves so many twists, turns, dead ends and false horizons. With each dead end bringing with it a sense of going deeper into the abyss, and each false horizon a pain and frustration so consuming it threatens to overwhelm you.
Yet, one day, you wake up, wipe the sleep from your eyes, and something is different. You don’t know what it is, but all of a sudden you see colour, vibrancy and there is a light at the end of the tunnel that shows a clear and real horizon.
You have a feeling of inner peace, a connectedness that had been lost for so long, that feels so good to have back and there is hope, faith and excitement for what the future will hold.
Then a situation arises that makes you confront your source of betrayal, whatever form that took, be it abuse, loss, disease, violence – that you realise you feel so different towards it.
You have an ability to let it go. You realise that the person or situation does not have the same hold on you. Not for their sake, but for you, for the sake of your life and your own destiny.
It is then you realise you have forgiven!
Forgiveness does not mean to condone, it is not a judgment on the other person or situation – but a release of their hold on you. This was my experience when a few years ago, I was told by the police Detective that my father, who was serving 54 years in prison, was dying.
The memories of the years of pain, torment, fear and anguish washed over me like a tsunami but I didn’t drown under them, instead I intuitively knew what I must do. Living in South Africa at the time, I got the next flight to Dublin, and I went to see my father in the hospice where he had been transferred to.
It was the hardest, yet easiest thing I have ever done, walk into a room alone and face a man – who had imprisoned me for almost two decades whilst violently and daily raping me, shooting me, making me pregnant several times and conducting brutal home abortions – whilst I was isolated from society, denied schooling or any form of human interaction.
There I was face to face with the man, my father, the press had labeled evil after the court hearing.
I saw a wasted man, consumed by his own agony, still completely oblivious of the harm he brought to me as he continued to be able to right say it to himself and to me, still completely so self absorbed in his last days, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude.
Gratitude that I was able to break away from him, gratitude for everything I had achieved in my life, gratitude for all I had in my life and the life I was yet to live, gratitude that my path was so different to his and finally gratitude for the life he had given me for without it, I surely would not be living the life I have.
With that gratitude came an ability for me to say, thank you Dad for everything, I love you.
That was when I truly understood forgiveness.
It was not for me to judge my father’s journey in this life. Each one of us has our own path to walk. The experiences we encounter on that journey are skills, tools and even gifts that we need to fulfil that journey; and that day, I saw my father, a lonely middle aged man, having been a part of the gift of my life.
I did not need nor did I expect an apology from him, and when you think about it, if I genuinely believed that what he did for me was a gift, then what would he have to apologise for?
As you read this you may be at a very very different part of your journey towards healing, and you may find what I say so incredulous, unbelievable even or even tempted to label me with Stockholm Syndrome, just know that what you are feeling right now – is completely normal and totally understandable.
During some of the dark times on my own healing journey, when I read articles like this, I went out of my mind, I could not comprehend it. But as my journey continued, reading about others experience not only gave me hope, but helped me contextualise my confused web of feelings and emotions.
Although I forgive my father for all he did, I did report him to the police and it was the first ever case of it’s kind in Europe to have been held out of camera, free for the press to report. In his summation the Judge said it was the worst case of child abuse he had ever heard and sentenced my father to 54 years. The incidence of women and girls reporting sexual crimes went up 75% in Ireland at the time.
Forgiveness does not mean we condone, and does not prohibit us from taking action against those that had wronged us – for this is what is necessary in the mortal realm of society. But in the spiritual realm, forgiveness and gratitude is the food and nourishment for our soul.
Written by Judy van Niekerk
If you are serious about changing your life then you have to be serious about the people you spend your time with. To begin with this may seem harsh to you and already you are thinking “I can’t not hang around with my friends”.
We all have good people around us that make us feel good. You know the ones that really brighten up your day after you have spoken to them. They make you laugh and make your confidence shine through. You know you can always call these people up anytime and you know your spirits will be raised from the conversations you have with them.
The feelings these people have left on you has a ripple effect on you and other people that you come in to contact with throughout the day.
Then you have the negative people in your life. The ones that shift your energy and make you feel really low after you have spoken to them. You feel drained because their negativity is now rubbing off on to you. They most likely have spent the past two hours blaming and complaining about everything that happens within their life, and never want to take full responsibility for their own lives. It’s always somebody else’s fault that their life is crap or it’s the fault of someone else that their day is not going the way they intended. So instead of finding a solution to their problem, or take action to change their lifestyle, they decide to waste two hours of your life that you will never gain back by moaning at you.
The term for these people is called psychic vampires. The truth is that if you spend less time with these psychic vampires and more time with positive people this will really make your energy shine. It will then attract other positive and uplifting people in to your life (Like Attracts Like).
You are blessed with one life and one life only. This is no dress rehearsal and we can’t come back once we are gone. So wouldn’t you rather spend it around the people who make you feel good?
There is an easy way that you can really look at the people you share your time with. Write a list of the names of the people that you are in contact with like friends, family and co-workers etc. Then look at the list of names in front you.
Draw a smiley face next to the people’s names that make you feel good in their company.
Then draw a sad face next to the people that make you feel low and down after you have been in contact with them.
By doing this it will give you a short sharp reality check of who you should really be spending more time with and who the psychic vampires really are.
Do be honest about this and don’t make any excuses for them. By making excuses you are choosing to agree with the negative energy that they spread to you. If quite a few of the people you have drawn a sad face next to are family members then reduce the time you spend with them to only birthdays and Christmas.
If these people truly did love you and care for you, then they would spend their time with you supporting you and loving you, and making you feel capable of reaching your goals no matter what. If they are just draining the life from you and making you feel low then that’s quite a selfish act and they really should not be off loading their problems on to you.
The problems they have in their life is their responsibility not yours!
Your life is of extreme value to this world and to have people holding you back from the God given gifts you have been given will only result in you being stuck and never shining at your fullest. Surround yourself with those that rise you up, that cheer you on and that love you for just being you.
Then say goodbye to thise who pull you down, keep saying it’s never going to work and make you feel like you could never make it happen.
Be true to yourself today and sit down and write the list and carry out this exercise, and be completely honest.
I hope by doing this exercise you go on to cut out the toxic people from your life and go on to shine so bright in the world! Let go of those that don’t serve you, and create massive change!
Have a wonderful Tuesday, and make this your best day yet!
Lots of Love
Overwhelmed? Moi? I’d like to say definitely not but suffice to say that I’m over deadline with this article. Not good, not pleased with myself. That old thing about counting sheep when trying to fall asleep never worked for me – why? Because the whole flock launched itself at the fence in one team action, rather than sedately lining up and jumping over singly in a civilised fashion. My life currently feels just like that. I’m smiling quietly to myself and, as I’m alone not raising suspicion by so doing, because each month I find the title of the article pertinent to my circumstances. Funny that, given the subject of each article was decided many moons ago. I guess that’s a topic for another day – am I just subconsciously more aware of what’s coming up? Interesting.
Actually, I’m rather pleased with myself. Just a few months’ ago I was having tests for leukaemia and was very ill indeed. Fast forward a few months – and many, many medical tests – and I’ve come from complete physical overwhelm and crawling into bed by seven o’clock each evening, to currently concurrently holding down three jobs. I didn’t intent that to happen, the employment sheep hurled themselves simultaneously over the fence and the current fiscals dictate that each opportunity be seized with gratitude. I’m finding that deep gratitude for my renewed health and wellbeing is lifting me to a place where I can, with planning and a ‘will do’ attitude, cope with the demands on my time and fortitude. You see, the knowledge that the medics don’t know what I have/have had, but do know that it isn’t terminal, fuels a place deep within that enables the strength to rise up and meet whatever is incoming. Hold on to that thought if – and I hope you never will – feel you’re surviving with your nostrils only just above the water.
So far I’ve touched on physical and employment overwhelm, both of which have a negative connotation. However, there is always a balance in life and nature and, for me, it is being completely and utterly overwhelmed with gratitude for my health and all that represents; my recovery from illness and my physical, mental and emotional ability to power on through the next three months of triple employment. And that, my friends, is an enormous positive.
At times, we might feel we’re sinking under the burden of emotional, time or financial pressures from others or just demands we place upon ourselves to conform, perform or be all things to everyone. Do you do that? I know I have certainly been one to try and fix everything for everyone, mistakenly feeling I had to keep everyone’s lives in a constant state of equilibrium. A dear friend opened my eyes to that one by suggesting that it was actually rather arrogant of me to assume I could do a better job of THEIR lives than THEY could. I had caused my own very unnecessary overwhelm by being a self-appointed ‘fixer’. Oh, the relief of letting all that go and, I assume, the relief for others that I had! Hmmm, all that overwhelm caused by me for myself. Do you do that? Cut it back, simplify and/or rectify would be my top tip, having got the full set of tee-shirts on this one!
Overwhelm strikes at the most unexpected times, sometimes literally rendering us incapable of speech or action. I’ve known both. May I share something with you? My mother had years of poor health and several times I sat through the night with her, having been told she wouldn’t make it through to the morning. She always did, confounding the medics. One day, I had a call from the nursing home saying Mum had been sick in the night and they were calling the doctor. I said I’d be over shortly. I was busy preparing a buffet for some visitors due later that day. When I arrived, Mum said “Well, Jan, I think this might be the end of the road for me. If it is, I want you to know how truly honoured I am to have had you as my daughter”. I was so overwhelmed by the moment that I just couldn’t respond. Mum was blind and so couldn’t see my reaction. To this day it troubles me that I didn’t thank her for being such a wonderful mother and tell her how much I loved her. I was literally unable to speak. I didn’t expect it was the end as she looked well and was up, dressed and quite perky. She died later that afternoon.
Fast forward a week and I was trying to get the house cleaned as I wanted everyone to come to our home after saying goodbye, and I knew this would make Mum happy. I was against the clock and yet I just sat staring at the vacuum cleaner, unable to move to start the cleaning, totally immobilised by overwhelming thoughts and emotions. Now I’m usually a capable ‘just get on with it’ sort of girl, so I was perplexed by my inability to respond to the needs of the moment. Luckily for me, a dear friend turned up, took charge of the vacuum and did for me what I was unable to even begin.
I’ve touched on emotional, physical and mental overwhelm, both short and long term, so it might be helpful to have a look at each of those.
Builds up over hours, not months. Slow-burn, increases over a period of weeks or months.
Lose focus and just can’t keep going, Stressful job, long hours, little rest.
Studying for/taking exams Long-term project or care-giver
Intense mental focus for a few hours. Constant demands on time/energy.
Exhausted, no more to give after a hard Illness, p oor sleep and nourishment
day, or physical endeavour
Frustration/anger, disagreements, regret Divorce, loss of a loved one.
over action/inaction/responses redundancy, unemployment
STRATEGIES FOR COPING
Perhaps the most important first step is acknowledging that we are in a state of overwhelm, regardless of its origin. Sometimes a whole herd of life events come at us at once and knock the stuffing out of us; it might be a relationship break-up or an argument, or a loss of some kind.
Left to boil over, overwhelm in any one area can have a crippling affect in all areas of life to the degree we’re unable to function. Taking control is essential and that requires planning.
Sometimes we just have to work with what we have and deal with life events, as and when they happen. If there are many and various issues to deal with, what can you do to reduce the load? Is it possible to ask for help – this was the subject of an earlier article – either with the tasks themselves or with emotional support to enable you to work through them. Can you do anything to spread out the mental heavy lifting so that it becomes more manageable?
At times like this, it’s essential to be aware of those situations which make us feel emotional and negatively fired-up and avoid them, since they drain away energy reserves that can be better utilised performing the tasks which lie ahead.
Frustration and anger are forms of emotional overwhelm and are states we often find ourselves in. In the short term, perhaps we’ve had an argument and thoughts of what was said, or what we wish we’d said or done, are festering away inside which is so draining of our energy, leaving little in the pot for family or friends. When we’re angry and mentally fatigued, we’re not in the right mindset to respond appropriately so it’s best not to react immediately, but rather re-visit the scenario after a period of rest and reflection when it’s easier to see things in perspective.
When we’re emotionally stunned by loss of some kind, be it death, divorce, health issues or redundancy, overwhelm can build over weeks and months, following on from the emotional shock we’ve suffered. Or perhaps it’s built up over a period of time with an ever-increasing workload or level of responsibility.
Whatever the cause, short or long term, taking time to practice mindfulness and meditation really can provide a breathing space and allow us to identify where we’re ‘bleeding’ energy and becoming exhausted. If this doesn’t come easily to you, then begin by just being still physically, breathing deeply and allowing yourself just be in the moment, perhaps listening to some calming music of choice, for music really does reach those places deep within and also soothe the troubled mind.
Sometimes there’s just nothing left in the tank after a hard day at work, or a period of sustained mental concentration such as when studying or focusing on a project for a few hours. The key to reversing this is hydration, nourishment and sleep.
It’s imperative to plan ahead if we know that a period of sustained physical stress is approaching. It’s necessary to rejuvenate ourselves every day which takes discipline and planning. Having enough sleep is essential, as is regular exercise which increases the oxygen circulation and is therefore good for the whole body and helps with clarity of thought. Conserve energy for the tasks you know must be completed.
We’re happy enough to make sure our care has the correct grade of fuel, enough water, is regularly serviced and is taken out for a run to keep everything oiled and working smoothly. If we don’t, it won’t work efficiently. Yet, when we’re tired and fatigued, we often settle for junk food and top up with ‘performance’ drinks and yet expect our bodies to perform at optimum level. It won’t be long before our immune system starts to break down and we pick up illnesses we would have overcome without even realising, had we not been tired and poorly nourished.
So, what can you do to have more and better quality rest?
If It’s Going To Be Long Haul …
Welcoming any help, and actively seeking assistance, is really important to sustain the days and weeks ahead. A ‘self can manage’ attitude might just bring your little boat crashing onto the rocks. Is there a friend or relative who is there to discuss things with, or just listen as you unload? An emotional support network really is a safety net to catch us when we feel we’re falling, and there will be days when it all seems too much. But it isn’t, and somehow we find that courage within to carry us forward.
The rejuvenative power of sleep really is the key to the tool box. It enables the mind to re-set, the body to repair and the brain to shuffle thoughts into a brighter perspective.
As mentioned earlier, good nutrition and hydration and building some exercise into the day will keep mind, body and soul healthy so energy isn’t dissipated into recovering from illness, either mental or physical.
If there’s a project or exam deadline, pace the work or revision so optimum performance is achieved and maintained. Schedule what needs to be done and when to achieve success and stick to it. There’s a real sense of achievement in ticking the boxes, as tasks are successfully achieved.
If overwhelmed by loss, the above still applies, although it’s never easy to keep moving forward. Try to look for one positive each day, and hold on to that. The light will shine again but take time to grieve and adjust to the changes in life going forward. Healing and recovery from overwhelm of any kind is not time-specific and will vary for everyone. We have to be kind and nurture ourselves in the way we would those we love.
It’s late now, so I’m off for some rejuvenating rest. I wish you peace, happiness and success until we meet again next month. Remember, be kind to yourself because you deserve it!
Through careers in nursing, the police, the corporate world and as a successful business owner, Janet Swift continued hiding her potential until life’s hobnail boot startled her awake. Today, Janet helps clients recognise events which shaped them, inspiring them to shine by living in integrity with their values and aspirations.
Whenever I mention the word selling to a new or small online business owner they usually cringe. This is because many new online business owners self-sabotage themselves in many different ways when it comes to selling their products or services.
Every person is in sales, whether we are business owners, employees, parents or even in your own personal relationships, you are in sales!
How can everyone be in sales you are thinking?
Because everyone sells themselves somehow. This could be a mother who is selling to her son that if he loads the dishwasher so he can then have treats, Or when you are married, you definitely sold yourself to the person you married, so much so, they made a life-long commitment to you!
So you have been pretty much selling yourself your whole life, but you just didn’t know you were.
When it comes to selling in your business it really is 80% psychology and 20% mechanic’s that lead to a building a foundation of raving followers that turn into paying clients. Your mindset plays a massive part in how you run your business and how you sell to people.
I have spent over 11 years studying behaviour science, and I became a qualified psychologist in May 2007, and I am also a certified Life Coach and Certified saleswomen who has been in business for 13 years. So when you place the knowledge you have of human emotion with selling, it opens up a completely new door of selling.
Gone are the days of cold calling and knocking on doors and making random calls to people’s homes or talk them to death for 3 hours online in hope to buy your product and services. Human beings work through emotion, and everything we do or buy is through how it makes us feel.
We buy from who we trust and know. We place this trust in that person, and then when the service does not live up to the standards it was marketed we then feel disappointed and upset. We feel cheated after parting with our hard earned cash to pay for them goods or services.
To sell successfully from your online business through social media is a skill which takes practice, but once you have mastered the skills and incorporate it into your life on a daily basis, it becomes effortless. You then begin to build a strong foundation of raving fans and you create a leadership influence within your following. This leadership influence leads you to attract people and opportunities that you would never have before experienced.
However, back up a moment, before we can get you to the success you want to be in sales we first have to get passed the self-sabotage that we always do when we are on our road to selling in the online world.
So why you are self-sabotaging yourself over selling?
You are self-sabotaging yourself over selling because you don’t have the belief inside of you that you can sell well, and this is then making you nervous in front of your potential clients. This is projecting out of you onto your prospective client and they sense your uncomfortable energy.
So the first thing we really need to take a look at is raising your confidence in sales and there is an easy way to do this. We just have to convince your subconscious mind that you are indeed worthy of the sales you make.
So how do we convince you that you are worthy? Well, this can be easily achieved by daily affirmations which can change the belief systems that we operate from.
What are Affirmations?
An affirmation is spoken or written statement that is read daily which can complete transform your thoughts and make your belief systems shift to a whole new level. When using affirmations you speak of already achieving the goals you desire. Which then shifts the mind to that level of achievement and so you start to believe you are what you want to be.
When your mind shifts to this level the laws of the universe work in harmony with these new thoughts and draws everything to you that you need to become what it is you desire.
So basically if you read a simple paragraph of say 3 to 4 lines twice a day. You start to become what it is you truly want to be and believing you can be it. Before your very eyes, you will start attracting the things and people to yourself in order to make your goal possible.
If you use the same affirmation for 90 days and ready it constantly throughout your day, you will start to really see a drastic change in your thoughts.
Now to begin with you may think how can reading a sentence every day make me sell better?
Well In order for affirmations to work you need to place them somewhere that you will read them at least twice a day. I place my affirmations right in front of my desk in my office and I have one placed in my bathroom near my sink. This way I read them twice daily when I brush my teeth. In the whole time it takes me to brush my teeth I am repeating this paragraph over and over again. You need to have fun with it and turn it into a little game for yourself and see how many times you can read the paragraph in the time it takes you to brush your teeth. Then place other affirmations in places where you spend a lot of time, this could be at your desk, or in your car.
You need to place the affirmations in a visible place so that when you look straight at them you can read them and repeat them several times. This then starts to create new belief systems within your sub-conscious mind.
I want to really start making you believe that it is possible for you to become a top salesperson in your industry. Sales people who are in the top 20% and top 10 % of sales are there because they believe they can achieve whatever selling goal is possible. The top 20% of salespeople are very clear on how much they are going to earn that month and how many clients they are going to attract to them because they have already trained their sub-conscious mind to go seek it.
In an exercise I am going to share in this blog with you, we are going to use an affirmation that is used by the top 20% of salespeople in the world that helps them believe they are in fact they are the best sales people in the world and helps raise their confidence by making themselves BELIEVE they are the best sales people so that they become complete crystal clear and start to train their mind to become a better earner.
To strengthen that belief system of yours, we first need to train your subconscious mind so that your beliefs system starts to really become the best at what you do. You can do these easily by using this affirmation on a daily basis and repeating it over and over again out loud to yourself many many times over a day.
I have given you two affirmations below to use daily to raise your self-confidence and belief that you can become fantastic in sales. Repeat these affirmations daily for 90 days and then see the difference within your self-confidence levels.
“I am in the top 20% of the best sales people in the world”
“I am amazing and I am successful at everything I do”
Keep repeating these affirmations to yourself daily, 20-30 times daily to train your mind to become a better salesperson. Take courses in marketing and qualify as a sales person to help you understand how to master selling skills. This, plus, training your mind will have an amazing effect on you sell in your business.
Try it yourself, and leave the fear of selling behind!
Have an awesome Tuesday, and make it your best day yet!