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Beliefs – Creating my manifesto Written By Kirsten Wreggitt

Written By  Kirsten Wreggitt

I’d like to think I formed my own beliefs but more often I found I simply adopt the beliefs of my family and culture. It isn’t because I didn’t want to think for myself; it’s because it’s downright hard to hear anything above the noise of the world! We truly can’t even hear ourselves think.

Deep inside I knew that I was battling with the current belief system. I didn’t identify with many things people were pursuing, things they were chasing, or ways they wanted to live. It all just made me tired. I needed to slow things down and turn off the noise so I could think for myself.

You can’t run around with no beliefs. So many of our daily decisions are put through the filter of our belief system. Without clarity on what my heart wanted I was struggling to make decisions. I decided to take a deep dive and the time needed to get clarity on what I held true.

It took a while. I read a lot, I wrote a lot, and I went on many long walks to think a lot. My belief system slowly formed in phrases here and there and I sifted through all of those sound bites and found a single one that summed it all up. In the end my beliefs could be summed up by this: the average life is extraordinary.

That single sentence doesn’t seem like much. In fact you might be asking yourself how it could even be true. I realized that also and I didn’t believe it at first either. After all, that would mean that all the effort I have been putting into achieving my goals and dreams would be wasted, right?

I want more than an average life.

Over time, the more I thought about the ramifications of this sentence the more I saw the truth in it. Most of us are average, and we are expending huge amounts of energy and money to fight against it every day. We are so busy striving, sweating, dieting, reading, studying, primping, and prodding.  So much effort and focus is being placed on how we could be more.

The fight is making me tired. I am not focusing on what I already have. I am not enjoying the present moment and I may just strive my entire life away without ever taking notice! This one little sentence was the core belief I heard when I shut off the noise of our culture. I decided to write the Average is Extraordinary Manifesto: How Your Life Is Anything But Mediocre.

Creating my own manifesto made decision making easier (not to mention getting out of bed each day). Having my beliefs in front of me gives me grounding when the world around me shakes and it is my line in the sand to live my life by my beliefs and not those of the world. I have found my own beliefs from the small voice that is hard to hear under the noise of the world.

Thank you for reading,

Kirsten x


Biography:

“Average lives can be extraordinary.” —Kirsten Wreggitt

Kirsten Wreggitt grew up in a small town but her big heart and curious mind have taken her on a few journeys. Each change shaped her view of the world and she shares that through her writing. She has written her manifesto “Average is Extraordinary: How Your Life is Anything But Mediocre” and a memoir “Before I Let You Go: Stories for My Grown Son” which will be available November 27, 2017. Other pieces of her writing can be found on her blog at www.kirstenwreggitt.com.

She currently lives, writes, and works in Calgary, Alberta.

Facebook: Kirsten Creates (https://www.facebook.com/kirstenwcreates/)
Twitter: @kirstenwreggitt (https://twitter.com/KirstenWreggitt)
Instagram: kirstenwreggitt (https://www.instagram.com/kirstenwreggitt/)
Website: Kirsten Wreggitt (https://www.kirstenwreggitt.com/)
Pinterest: BloomScript (https://www.pinterest.ca/bloomscript/pins/)

 

 

 

Gratitude is the Elixir for Suffering – Written By Wendy Hutchinson

Gratitude has been a daily practice in my life and an integral part of my life coaching practice.  It is virtually impossible for me to feel suffering when I am in the space of gratitude.  In April of 2017 my son was involved in a bad motorcycle accident.  I received a call from a stranger from my son’s cell phone at 8:30 a.m. telling me he just saw my son get hit by an SUV, he was lying lifeless in the middle of an intersection and he wasn’t sure if he was alive, he said paramedics were on the scene, then click, he hung up.  He had picked up my son’s phone which flew out of his pocket on impact and dialed Mom.  I was walking my dog at the time and I just started running home.  By the time I arrived, I was absolutely hysterical.  I knew he was dead, I just knew it and I wanted to get to my husband before he left for work.    I raced up the stairs calling my husband’s name and he was just getting out of the shower.  I stood in our bedroom while he held me dripping wet, while I sobbed uncontrollably.  All I could choke out was “he’s dead, he’s dead, oh my god he’s dead”.  My husband was in shock, I was inconsolable.   A police officer called me shortly thereafter and told me that my son was involved in an accident, he was on an ambulance to the hospital.  I knew then he was alive, but no further information.  After many agonizing hours wondering what the damage was, wondering if he was brain dead or if he had suffered a spinal cord injury, we found out his jaw was broken in multiple places and would have to be wired shut, his pelvis cracked like an egg, and his left arm (dominant hand) was broken in 4 places, down to the wrist.   When you walk into the ICU and witness your child lying there literally in pieces, I can’t describe the flood of emotions I experienced. It shakes you to your core.  He went through 3 surgeries in 4 days.  On day 5 he was sent home.

Our lives changed drastically. For months, he was confined to bed or a wheelchair.  He was in excruciating pain, and he had to take his meals through a straw.   He moved back into our home for the duration of his recovery, which was hard for all of us on so many levels.   There were nights where his pain was so intense, all I could do was crawl into bed next to him and hold his hand and just hold space for him.  The doctor forgot to put an ID number on the pain killer prescription so he had to go an entire day without pain meds his first day home.  I can’t describe the frustration we experienced watching our kid suffer and we couldn’t do a damn thing about it except give him over the counter meds until they straightened it out.   I had to remind myself of my blessings and run through my list of things I was grateful for daily to keep myself from going deep into negative thoughts or emotions.  I was grateful he was alive, he wasn’t permanently confined to bed or a wheelchair.  I knew this was temporary. I was thankful I wasn’t planning his funeral.

Some friends of ours had lost their son, who is the same age the month before, so as we went to my son’s apartment to get clothes and his gaming systems and TV to bring to our house, my husband and I felt sick thinking we could be packing his place up because we had lost him. It was intensely emotional gathering his clothes and belongings the day before he was released.  I stepped completely away from my work for 3 months. My life revolved around dispensing medication and making smoothies, helping him get to doctor’s appointments and basically just 24/7 constant care.

Through gratitude I found peace.  Gratitude is almost like a prayer practice for me.  The feeling I get is one of being lifted as if 100 balloons are clipped to my shirt pulling me up out of the darkness.  Gratitude is the elixir for suffering.  It’s so easy to get bogged down in the negativity and stress but I chose to ride the wave, roll over and go to the place of acceptance.  I got very intentional about my gratitude practice. I didn’t dwell in the shadows, I tried to focus on the light.  Some days were harder than others.

The empathy I have for others has created a deep compassion for their suffering, but also created compassion for myself and my own suffering. I’ve allowed that suffering to bubble to the surface in me and I ask myself, what I am to learn from this experience? Rather than wallow in my pain, I make my list of things I’m grateful for. When I am in that space of thankfulness, I am so focused on the blessings in my life, there is no space for the pain, if only momentarily.  I transcended my suffering by practicing gratitude.  There were days, when my son and I would be fighting.  Both short on sleep, edgy because he didn’t want to be dependent on his mom, me feeling unappreciated, like a cook and maid and nothing more, man tempers would flare. I would have to take a walk around the block with the dog and think “I’m so lucky he is alive for me to get pissed off at”!  It would be like hitting a reset button and I could come back and bear the weight of what was ahead of me.  I encourage you to begin a gratitude practice when you are in a space of anxiety, or stress or anger or depression. 21 days straight of practicing gratitude will change you in a way you never thought possible.   Just a slight shift will set you on a completely new path and I hope that it is a path from darkness to light.

Until next time, with love …….Wendy x


About Wendy Hutchinson:

Alinea Life Coaching

www.alinealifecoaching.com

TEL: 619-246-5948

 

 

The List – Written By Donna Davis

We say thank you all the time. There are so many people in our lives that help us in one way or another that we have sincere gratitude for. If we took the time to write all those names down we’d be amazed at just how long our list is.

The list is quite colorful and interesting: There are people young and old, perhaps different ethnicities and backgrounds – maybe even a stranger or two who have held a door or shared a smile just when you were having a challenging day and needed one. Others have helped with directions or recipes or projects or finances or even lending an ear or a hug when times were tough. They have wiped away tears, encouraged you, supported you, taught you, forgave you, trusted you – the list goes on and on.

The list is a beautiful tapestry of love and life. It is so special and meaningful that some would even say its sacred.  The list spans months, years and decades and can easily warm your heart and put a smile on your face.

So my question to you is: “Are YOU on your list?”  Have you added your own name somewhere on that list? Are you at the top? The Bottom? Somewhere in the middle? Or have you forgotten to even acknowledge your own self and add your name?    It’s not too late, you know. Even if you HAVE made the list you can ALWAYS add more things that you are thankful for that YOU were directly involved with.

First and foremost, make sure you acknowledge the fact that you are allowed to be on your own list. You have been there every second of every experience. Why not be grateful for all of THAT?!

This list may be somewhere in your head or in your heart. My challenge for you today is to make it a reality. You can start small.  Find a piece of paper that you can dedicate to this exercise or print the one that goes along with this post.  On that list write 10 names, and YES one of the names HAS to be YOURS!

For yourself- write down 5 things that you are grateful for that happened in your life that you had a direct role in accomplishing.  Next list 1 extra special person and list 3 things about them.  Lastly pick 8 more people and next to their name write 1 thing that you are grateful for.

Example:

Me:      1.                              2.                            3.                             4.                              5.

A Special Person:               1.                             2.                             3.

Person 3:                                                              Person 4:                                                 Person 5:

Person 6:                                                              Person 7:                                                 Person 8:

This will fill up the page and allow you to see how many beautiful things are in your life.  It can help you to shift your focus on positive things and even prime your psyche to expand on things or start new adventures.  If you like to doodle or are into mind mapping you can draw (or cut and paste) pictures next to each person representing how you feel about them and what you are thankful for. Decorate this sheet of paper however you’d like.  Keep it in a place that you can look at often.  Perhaps you’d like to make a small copy of it to keep in your purse or wallet or on your bathroom mirror.

From time to time or when you get a chance you can always make another list or 2 and before long you will have a collection of dozens of people and things that you are grateful for!

I am grateful that you stopped by to read this today, thank you.  I wish you a magnificent day full of gratitude!

Do download the worksheet I have for you right HERE!

Much Love

Donna Davis


Donna Davis holds a Master Degree in Educational Leadership, Management and Policy from Seton Hall University and cherishes the journey of life, learning and the pursuit of dark chocolate all over the world.

As an educator, author, speaker, columnist and coach, Donna Davis is a perpetual optimist dedicated to helping women thrive and enjoy all that life has to offer. Donna is a modern day Change Agent disguised as The Menopause Fairy who celebrates the Magic, Mystery and Mayhem of Midlife.

Donna writes a column in The Missing Piece Magazine http://themissingpiecemagazine.com/ every month in which she coaches readers through various topics, activities and exercises related to the chosen theme for the month.  As co-founder of WOmentum BuildHers https://www.facebook.com/WOmentumBuildhers/, Donna helps women to honor and celebrate themselves, find and use their voice and be able to survive all that life brings their way, allowing them to thrive and come alive in a way like never before through community, encouragement and Sisterhood.

This WOmentum BuildHER is taking bold action to educate, celebrate, and collaborate with women in all phases of life around the globe to heal, grow and come alive to “Be the best version of yourself possible!”

 

 

 

Radical Recovery of Rob Decker


Fitness, faith and friends delivered Rob Decker from the depths of despair to the heights of a clean lifestyle. Written by Suzanna Cullen Hamilton Photographed by Shane O’Donnell.

Originally published in Southbay HEALTH Magazine Spring 2017, a publication of Moon Tide Media  http://www.oursouthbay.com/

 


Written by Suzanna Cullen Hamilton | Photographed by Shane O’Donnell

 

Opioid addiction claims more lives each year than firearms or automobiles. Growing up with parents who were alcoholics with opioid and drug addictions presented Rob with an almost insurmountable hurdle. Although Rob now has a thriving career as a fitness instructor—particularly to youth and people recovering from back surgery, his path was riddled with the landmines of addiction and negative messaging.

“It’s impossible to not be affected when you grow up with meth-addicted parents who abuse drugs and alcohol,” says Rob. He started using marijuana at age 16, and by his early 20s he was taking Ecstasy and cocaine. “I was on a fast path, and my father told me that I’d never make it,” he continues.

A life of constant addiction culminated one dark night that could have ended Rob’s life. After a drunken argument with his then-girlfriend that included a call to the police, Rob decided to take his own life by jumping from a building.

“In that moment, I was ready to end the nightmare,” says Rob. Although friends had recently taken him to a prayer service at a nearby church where Rob says he “felt chills on my spine and knew the Lord’s presence,” he wanted to go.

Fortunately, Rob hit part of the building, and it broke his fall. Although he shattered his back, arm and wrist and collapsed a lung, he was alive.

It took five years and $2 million in multiple surgeries to heal Rob’s fractured back and arm, and he had to learn to walk again. “During that time, I learned to understand deep physical pain; the fundamentals and patience required for recovery; and I learned that my faith would deliver me through it,” says Rob.

 

Titanium rods, screws and cages now hold Rob’s body together, while his faith holds his soul together. He’s also eliminated all drug and alcohol use.

Today Rob has a thriving business as a personal trainer at Equinox. “I want to give people hope,” says Rob. He and his wife, Alyssa, live in Torrance, and they welcomed a son, Caleb, in 2016.

When asked what he’d say to his teenaged self, Rob replies, “You can be whatever you want to be, and be the best you can be.” Caleb is going to have a great pillar in his father, and back surgery patients have an advocate in Rob.

Written by Suzanna Cullen Hamilton Photographed by Shane O’Donnell

For more articles written by Southbay, visit http://www.oursouthbay.com/


 

 

 

Belief/Affirmations: Do you believe in the power of prayer?

Article Written By Dr. Jane Cox

You might have noticed that I rather enjoy taking a bit of a controversial view on all sorts of subjects. I remember being taught from quite young that there are certain subjects that you just don’t talk about, and those generally include subjects around things like religion, or politics. Well, that was like a red rag to a bull for me. Tell me I shouldn’t do something, and immediately it engages me as something worth taking notice of. I am also often the “devil’s advocate” – I’ll keep the open mind, and always allow for the possibility that what I “believe” at any stage may change, because my current decision or belief may be based on a lack of knowledge, rather than an abundance of knowledge. And for me, ignorance is no reason to structure my life in a certain way. After all, life is about growing and learning, and I think we all have a huge amount of potential for that learning and that growth.

So one of the controversial subjects that has always interested me is the power of prayer. Some people swear by it, some people dismiss it completely. I went and became a metaphysican in my desire to understand it, amongst trying to get a handle on all other things spiritual and philosophical. I found out a lot of things about prayer, but I hope to share just a small finding in this couple of pages that we have together. And maybe it’ll encourage you to test this concept for yourself.

If you believed the nuns that taught me during my high school years, prayers are answered. To be honest, I had a big red flashing doubt sign in my brain when they came up with this concept. I tested it. I would pray for something, put my heart and soul into that prayer, and nothing seemed to happen. I would do the other thing they suggest – always start your prayer with thanks of what you have in your life, and then expand on this concept and pray for what you want as though the prayer had already been granted. Well, I liked the idea of that, but I wasn’t feeling overwhelmed with the success of the strategy.

One of my best friends at school was always worrying about her weight. She tried this prayer thing as well. She prayed to lose weight. She gave thanks for her thinness as though it had already become a reality. But nope. She kept looking much the same and, dare I say it, if there was weight doing anything it was appearing, not disappearing. So for a while I liked the concept of praying but the proof was still lacking.

Then I sat back and looked at what prayer actually was. It was effectively the sending up of energy into the Universe. And of course if there is real emotion involved in anything, it increased the amount of energy attached to that thought or desire. If we think of ourselves as electrical circuits, it makes sense that we exchange energy with the Universe. And if we guide that energy, and set our intentions, and include our emotions, it is like sending a guided missile up into the energy system of the Universe, and it certainly should be weighted in the favour of working, so why did it seem to have so little working proof?

Then I took a broader look at what was going on, and I experimented further, and I can honestly say that it is true what they say: Every prayer is answered. The trouble is that we tend to forget the first half of the statement. The fact is that EVERY THOUGHT is a prayer, and every prayer is answered. Think about it. Over seven billion souls, all sending up the energy of their thoughts. That’s a helluva lot of energy being sent out into the Universe!

So somehow we expect the Universe, that God power, to listen really carefully to all of that energy coming from each one of us. We expect that if that thought is preceded by a “Dear God”, and ends off with an “Amen”, that somehow the Universe will ignore the clutter of all those other energetic signals we send off, and just grant the request or intention sandwiched between those magic words. The more I thought about it, the more ridiculous it seemed.

I listened carefully to my friend. While for a few minutes each day she prayed for weight loss, she spent most of the other 23 hours and 55 minutes talking about how fat she felt she was. How she “only needed to think about a slice of cake and she would put on weight”. And I looked at where her thoughts centred, I listened to her self talk, and I saw where her emotions lay, and I saw how where she placed her attention was what manifested.

I saw myself do the same. I would “pray” for one thing, but believe another. I would ask for one result, and take actions and expend energy into creating the opposite result. Not intentionally, but when I was honest with myself, the pattern was clear. The negative self talk that we indulge in. The times that we diminish ourselves and run ourselves down. All of that energy, all of those thoughts, all sending out their energy into a very busy Universe, and the answering energy comes back. What we believe, we achieve. If what we internally believe is that we are failures, we create failure. If we believe we are incapable, we are. Or in my friend’s case, if we think we are overweight, we become the outward manifestation of those thoughts.

But on the flip side, when we catch our negative thoughts and beliefs, and we replace them with positive ones, we start to manifest that too. When we start to genuinely tell ourselves that we can do something, we manage it with relative ease. When we expect a positive outcome, we create a much larger possibility for that positive outcome. When our mind sends out clean and consistent energy, and we take ownership of our thoughts, we take back control over the outcome of those thoughts.

At first it may seem clunky. And quite an eye opener as to how many times we “think ourselves down”. But if every time you catch yourself thinking negatively, you intentionally replace those thoughts with positive ones, you start retraining your brain for positive results rather than negative ones. Every thought is a prayer, and every prayer is answered.

What are your thoughts? Because those thoughts are the thoughts that will become your reality.

Thank you so much for reading,

Jane xx


Dr. Jane Cox is a Human behavioural specialist, success psychology expert and ethno-psychologist. Internationally renowed motivational speaker & trainer. find out more at: https://www.drjanecox.co.uk/

Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life – By Paige Vidrine

Article Written By Paige Vidrine

 

Are you stuck in a rut? You cant catch a break, your relationships aren’t working out and life just
keeps sending you curve balls. I used to ask myself, “Why me?” when things would go wrong. I
felt unappreciated at work, couldn’t make my own business successful and was raising two kids
all while going through a divorce. “I am doing everything I can to have a good life and nothing is
working out in my favor.” This was my reaction to any problem I would face until I learned the
most valuable lesson in my life. As I was trying to claw my way out of depression, I watched a
Tony Robbins video explaining that the way we frame events in our lives completely changes
who we become as individuals.

Imagine this, there is an entrepreneur trying to make a living selling a milk shake mixer.
Sales weren’t all that bad, but they weren’t all that good either. This entrepreneur had big
dreams but each endeavor he took on would come to a screeching halt. His relationships never
lasted and something always seemed to go wrong for him. If he would have framed his
circumstances by thinking, “Why me?”, he would have thrown in the towel or just given minimal
effort in his jobs. Instead, he was always looking at every failure as an opportunity for growth.
He thought, “What can I learn from this?” and kept on moving. Because of his determination to
keep going, he opened himself up to the entrepreneurship endeavor of a lifetime. He became
the co-founder of McDonalds, making hundreds of millions in his career. Ray Kroc and other
successful men and women find ways to frame their thoughts so that instead of sabotaging their
lives, they create something beautiful.

I have been inspired by stories like this, probably because my mom has a pretty cool
one herself. Listening to her rags to riches story always inspired me to study other successful
people and figure out what it is that makes them keep going in the face of adversity. I have
learned a lot in my studies and I can honestly say that I am a stronger person because I put into
practice the idea of thought framing. Here are a few pointers so you can help yourself start living life on your own terms:

1. Realize that you might just be sabotaging your own life. I want to start with this idea,
because so often people will find themselves in terrible situations over and over again and
then question why life just doesn’t work out for them. Eventually, the let downs and the pain
lead many people to just not really care enough anymore to try to make life any better. “It
never works out anyway so why try.”
For these type of people who have recurring heart ache, I want you to look at the
circumstance and think about whether or not you play any role in sabotaging your own life. I
like to think of an example of a young girl whose father was in and out of her life. She didn’t
realize it, but his irresponsible behavior taught her early on that she wasn’t really worth it. She
felt like if he cant stick around then she didn’t matter all that much. As she got older, she took
easy jobs that offered quick money because that was instant validation. She became a
compulsive spender because that too made her feel good in the moment. With every
opportunity or stroke of luck she received in life, she could never find a way to maximize her
potential. She associated with people who stayed in ruts themselves, always thinking that the
underdogs deserved love. These poor relationships with people who couldn’t catch a break,
pushed her further and further into her irresponsible lifestyle. Never once did she think that she
might need to make a change in the way she acts, handles money, deals with people, does
business. This story is one of ultimate sabotage. It is true that bad circumstances are not always
your fault, but what you do with those circumstances and the choices you make because of
them can either wrap you up into more of a mess or allow you to pull yourself out.
So stop for a moment and be honest with yourself. Think about whether or not your
choices and mindsets could possibly be sabotaging your success.

2. You have time. I was talking to a friend of mine who had lost her baby boy. I found that she
has such potential to be successful in life, but in the moments that mattered most, she would
make decisions that didn’t benefit her all too much. This led me to question her deep beliefs.
She explained to me that she believes that time just isn’t on your side. Hearing this made
me sad, because the way she framed her loss was in a way that couldn’t benefit her long
term. When you are always feeling like you’re running out of time, you will try to short cut
your way to results and that never builds a solid foundation for a successful life.
I used to do this myself. In my mid twenties I would think that I should have it all
together. I felt terrible for not even knowing what my passion actually was. This led me to feeling
constantly frustrated with life, causing me to focus on what I am not accomplishing. I finally
realized that time was on my side, that I could accomplish a lot in twenty years if I started now,
that I could make up for 5 years of unknowing in one year of intense focus and hard work.
Because I changed the way I viewed my time, I make the most out of every second of every
day. I try to make the best choices based on what I have decided that I want. I reach out to
people who I admire and let them teach me. Framing my mind this way has eased so much
anxiety and helps me to really focus on what matters most.

3. We all make mistakes. Own up to it. I used to hate when people would call me out for the
mistakes I would make. It was like a jab to my ego every time someone would mention my
shortcomings. I hated being wrong and messing up so badly that I would even lie to myself
when things wouldn’t go right. I would blame other people instead of owning up to my mistakes.
When things go wrong or situations turn out badly, it’s not beneficial to look at what role
others played in the situation before truly evaluating your role in the problem. My relationships
really took a turn for the better when I started disagreements off by simply saying, “I may be
wrong, but this is where I was coming from.” It has been amazing to see the benefits of simply
owning up to the mistakes I make in my life. I used to believe that admitting my shortcomings
would make me less of a person, but in reality it has made me more secure in myself and given
me the strength I need to move past problems quickly, not allowing them to get out of control.

4. Stop expecting not to struggle.
If comfort is your goal, then you will always be chasing something that is very elusive. I see
people every day on social media complaining every time something goes wrong in their lives.
Is it such a monumental event every time multiple things go awry in a day, that they feel the
need to share with their internet friend groups? It seems as though facing issues is an unusual
thing for these people. I cannot say I was never like this. Granted, I never used social media as
a tool to vent my frustrations, but I did at some point call friends to do just that. After I started
working towards a more positive life though, I realized that this was not beneficial. I also started
to see how griping when things went wrong could become an every day ordeal, because things
always go wrong. So instead of expecting them not to, I just made up in my mind that when they
did I would be ready for it. I would not expect a perfect life. I decided that life would be wonderful
even if I had a flat tire. I would change it and move on. I decided that I would be happy. Even
when my brother died, I found a way to use the grief and pain to fuel my passions. At the end of
the day, the rain will fall. I have found more joy in dancing in it than seeking shelter.

All in all, the greatest asset in my life has been the way that I have trained myself to think. At
one point my mindsets where chaining me down to a miserable existence. When I learned to
frame my thoughts properly, I stopped sabotaging my life, realized I had enough time to build
something significant, learned to build better relationships and how to enjoy the struggles life

brings. Life isn’t perfect now, but it is much more enjoyable. I have a new found hope and that is
all that I need to build life on my own terms.

Much Love & Gratitude

Paige xx

7 Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Relationship Part 2

Here is question 2 to highlight the #Metoo campaign

Q2, Do you receive good compliments from your partner?

 

We all need to be complimented on making us feel good in a relationship. Compliments boost our self-esteem. Hearing the nice compliments gives us the self-confidence we need that enables us to conquer whatever it is we desire.

If we receive bad compliments from our partner, then it can be very shattering to our self-confidence, leaving us with very low self-esteem. It can also put us at an all-time low where we don’t feel worthy of anything. It makes us feel that we could never accomplish anything we want to do.

In many relationships where one partner has insecurities of their own, they tend to drag the other partner down to make themselves feel just that little bit better. Certain comments made to us like “isn’t it about time you lose weight” or “You can’t go out dressed like that!” leave us feeling down about ourselves. The impact of these certain comments can be shattering to our feelings.

Usually, the reason why these comments are made by your partner is due to them having maybe put on a few extra pounds in the “comfy stage” of your relationship and he’s now scared that your wearing of that tight fitted dress will bring attention from other men. So his insecurities are on show by projecting them on to you….( To hell with what he thinks!, wear that tight fitted dress. In 30 years you will be wishing back the figure you have now!.)

If you are in a relationship where your partner does tend to make bad comments to you then the exercise below will prove how many times they make them.

Exercise two:

Take a little money box or piggy bank, or even a jar, (as long as it is not a see- through one). Each time your partner makes a bad comment about you, put a penny in the money box, continue to do this each time a bad comment is made and carry it on for at least 21 days.

After the 21 days open the jar and take out the pennies you have put and count them. This will now show you how many times your partner made you feel bad about yourself in the past three weeks.

(I asked a friend of mine to conduct this exercise herself,  and after 21 days she had $1.75 in her jar,  which concludes that her partner had put her down 175 times in three weeks !.)

As hard as these things are, bringing awareness to a problem means we can make change.

Stay tuned for 5 more questions and 5 more exercises,

Much Love,

Kate xx