Article Written By Wendy Hutchinson
Ever since I can remember I’ve had this voice in my head telling me what I could and couldn’t do. She cast a shadow on my self-esteem feeding me stories about my weight, my looks, my intelligence, my earning potential and so much more. She held me down forever and every time she whispered in my ear I believed her. Play it safe, stay small, no one wants to hear your opinion, and the worst insult of all, you don’t matter. I called her “The Bitch” and what a bitch she was. I listened to all her lies and believed in my limited potential. One day I recognized her for who she was, she was a deceiver and deal breaker and I broke free of her and I said “that’s enough”! The bitch kept me from becoming everything I dared to dream. I could run down a list of ways I fell short in my life faster than ice cream melted on a hot summer day. I had no idea how pervasive that EGO/bitch was until I started to pay attention.
The bitch kept me living small and safe by creating just enough doubt and fear to hold me captive. She was smothering my spirit and my dreams. And then, something magical happened, I put that bitch in a box and I put a huge black iron padlock on it. That act of defiance was something so powerful, it surprised even me. I began piece by piece finding my way back to my authentic self. I started to feel at a soul level, the truth of who I am. I saw that I could be fearless and strong. I saw that I could take risks. I felt called to help others and got my life coaching certifications and Reiki, then later Marconics Energy certifications. The bitch would try to come out occasionally and rattle the cage, but I was not having it and back in the box she would go. I realized that nothing was going to keep me from taking the next step on my journey. I felt the stirring of something so much bigger than what I had allowed myself to believe possible. There was only one way to step into my power and it required a major shift in the story I was telling myself.
This shift happened gradually. At first, I began noticing how often I was telling myself ways I didn’t measure up. Then, I had a daring and provocative thought, which was, I am not my thoughts! I made a radical decision. I decided it was time that I started honoring and loving myself because if I didn’t, who would? I asked myself who am I really? What do I enjoy? I enjoyed walking the lake with friends, so I began to carve out time for that. Find one small thing that sparks joy for you then do it without making excuses. Everyone has one thing that brings them joy, be it cooking, reading, travel, dance, working out, or spending time with friends. It could be something simple like sleeping in or a great latte on a Saturday morning. That is where I began to find my way back to my soul, the soul that was the essence of me. Through this process of rediscovering what lit my soul on fire, I began to blossom and the fabric of my life became this rich tapestry of experiences. I began to explore new places with my husband. I was reading books that inspired me, excited me, and set me on a spiritual path. I discovered a love of yoga and being outdoors walking my dog. I became very intentional about the kind of life I wanted to live. I created a perfect balance of work and play. I wanted to connect to people who were interested in changing the world by following their passion and just as I put that energy out there, the Universe began to deliver those people through synchronicity and circumstance. The more I focused on things that brought me joy, the more aligned I felt, attracting experiences, opportunities and people that resonated with me.
As I became more authentic in who I was, I stepped away from the person everyone else wanted me to be. I learned to set boundaries. I learned to put myself first and realized this wasn’t a selfish act as I had been programmed to believe. It was healthy to honor myself. Once I respected myself and my time, people fell away or fell in line. At first, I was sad to see the people I cared so deeply about falling away. As I began to step fully onto my path and into my power, I realized it had to happen to make room for the people who were going to come forward and lift me up and hold my hand as I pursued my dreams. The friends who said I’m here for you, I love you, I think you are doing great work were the ones I needed in my life. There is no room in my life for people jaded by their own cowardice and insecurity projecting that doubt and fear onto me. I am including family members here. Yes, I have stepped so fully into my power, there is no room in my life for negativity, even if you are a relative. I stopped chasing people down who had no interest or time for me. The people I want in my life are going to treat me with respect, and love and dignity. I respectfully sidestep and minimize contact with people who continue to create drama and try to suck me in.
I decided not to languish in the mental wasteland of what if scenarios and what will people think bullshit and stopped wasting time in the space of doubt and fear. I encourage you to step into your power and put your bitch in a box and lock her down, now is the time to let your light shine.
Until next time, much love
About Wendy Hutchinson:
Alinea Life Coaching