A Valuable Mindset by Trilby Johnson

Article Written By Trilby Johnson

“Mind what you are saying, especially about and to yourself.
Because you always tend to believe it.”
– Trilby Johnson

Mindset, is all about the stories we tell ourselves as well as what motives us when making the decisions and taking the actions we do. Our mindset consists of belief systems that we learn as children and that will inform much of our lives as adults. Beliefs are the mental building blocks we have that help us to make sense of the world around us and which many use to draw meaning about their lives from. Mindset is important because it fuels our attitudes and the way it which we respond to situations and other people and it helps us to form habits.

For much of our lives, we operate from these conscious and subconscious mindsets. Depending on the quality of the predominant mindset however, as we go through different life stages, situations and experiences, a specific mindset which may have been suitable and effective beforehand, no longer offers the most appropriate results and outcomes and may require reassessment and updating to something new.

Sounds straightforward for sure. Yet many people struggle with this. Firstly, because these mindsets are often operating on a subconscious level as well as being habitual and automatic behaviours and responses. And so whilst a person may really desire to change a specific belief and attitude, they may experience resistance. For instance, a person who lacks self-confidence may desire to feel more confident. And so they may choose to believe they are more confident and there may even be an improvement in their confidence levels  – like the ‘fake it till you make it’ slogan. This may work for a while. However, faking it will not be sustainable for very long and often the older more habitual mindset can pull them down. This is the reason that in my opinion and experience, positive affirmations can only take someone so far, before there needs to be another shift to the next level.

Image courtesy of pixabay.com

To experience mindset in an evergreen way, there is more to mindset than mere beliefs. They are indeed the building blocks to how we choose to function in the world. Yet humans are also sentient beings and so much of our prioritizing is based on our value system, which is the foundation of our building blocks. This aspect is often overlooked when it comes to wanting to install new belief patterns. The reason, in my experience, that there can be so much resistance is because when our values and our beliefs are not in alignment, we experience resistance and feel that we have to force or struggle in life.

Our values are a set of core principles that we use in making decision across our lives and are based on importance and need. Not to be confused with your beliefs, which are basically assumptions that we take to be true. Tension can arise when two important values come into play and create a feeling of conflict, when it comes to making important decisions. For instance, whether to stay in a job that is no longer satisfying and boring for security reasons and because that’s how it’s been there for years. Or go for a new job or lifestyle where it would be possible to express more creativity and independence, although it’s risking financial security.

In a case like this, there may be several conflicting beliefs, feelings and circumstances that need to be managed. More often than not, a person can feel pulled in different directions and this makes choosing the correct mindset and attitude challenging. Values come from the heart and beliefs come from the head. So the challenge is finding a happy medium that makes resetting our minds easier.

To do this, prioritizing and updating your values is very important because situations and options are changing all the time, as we grow and expand. Here’s an example! A few years ago, I decided I wanted to be happier and healthier and release the struggle that seem to always appear. So I sat down and did an evaluation and prioritization of my values. One of my top three priorities was ‘security’. Imagine my astonishment when I realized that happiness and health were not even in my top 10! So I had to shift my beliefs around ‘being safe’ and looking at ‘happiness and health’ in a new way. This change in priorities and values, helped me shift my thinking and establish a new mindset, that incorporated all of these values.

Here is a short exercise to help you identify your top 10 core values are:
Sit down and write down the first things that come to mind that are important to you in your life. (If you need examples of values, just google values and you can find lists to draw from.)

  1. Rank them from 1 to 10 with 1 being the most important and 10 the least.
  2. Then ask yourself if these are still valid for you?
  3. Are these values truly your own?
  4. When sorted, ask if there are any ‘new’ values that you wish to add? Add and rank them.
  5. Reflect on what has come up and also write down any of the beliefs that may have popped up. For example, health depends on genetic make-up; or if I am happy people will think I am selfish etc.
  6. If the values identified are not in your top 10, I invite you to add them in. Then sit back and watch what shows up.
  7. Repeat often.

Actively participating in setting our values, helps to prioritize and activate them in both the conscious and subconscious mind. This dynamic is what fuels a powerful and positive intention, attitude and mindset. Having a valuable mindset, requires adding value to our lives and ensuring when and how our mindset serves us best as we grow and expand.

Much Love, Trilby

p.s. Would you like a great resource of original inspiration to support shifting your thinking? My book ‘A-Ha Moments’ is available online and will support you in having your own a-ha moments.


Trilby Johnson is an Author, Speaker and Body Energy Alchemist. She supports conscious and forward-thinking individuals to move from pain to resolution by resolving the core imbalances that destabilize and limit them, leaving them stuck in the muck of trauma and pain. When they connect the essence of who they truly are, they realize and align with their full potential and live happy, healthy and successful lives, on their own terms.

 

Website : http://www.trilbyjohnsontheconnective.com
Email: info@trilbyjohnsontheconnective.com

 

Seven Words – Written By Desirėe Toldo

Written By Desirėe Toldo

 

Stubborn. Loud. Introverted. Passionate. Inquisitive. Precise. Frank. Seven words that capture the essence of who I am.

Seven words are what you need to learn what you believe about who you are. I often find that the words we use to describe ourselves find their origins in labels assigned to us so early on that they seem branded into our souls.

Our self esteems are so rooted in the opinions and words of others from such an early age, that by the time we are able to conceptualize our own self-image we are already so inundated with ideas about who we are that its difficult to separate who we are from who people think we are. We are a compilation of layers and layers of labels that ultimately create our self-concept; good, bad, or fierce.

So, who am I?

I am stubborn. The word comes to mind first because next to “Desirée”, its what I’m called most often. Being stubborn means you don’t accept an answer just because it’s an answer. It means you push beyond the point when most people stopped pushing. It means sometimes (lots of times?) you get yourself in trouble. But ultimately it means that you believe in something so strongly you’d stake a trip to Disney on it—belief like that is invaluable.

I am loud. I often say that I have no volume control, but being loud is to be expected when you’re a Cuban Italian girl from New York. Loud just comes with the territory. I speak loudly, I laugh loudly, I even sleep loudly. Our voices are the strongest tool we could possibly be armed with. Having a loud voice doesn’t always mean you will be listened to, but make no mistake, you will be heard.

I am introverted. If that’s not juxtaposition, I don’t know what is—loud and introverted. How can that be? I may have a loud voice, but my soul is quiet. I thrive in familiar settings with lots of books and snacks. I would choose a night in over a night out any given night. I’m the oldest 23-year-old I know and I love it. Being introverted forces you to step outside of your comfort zone quite often. You are faced with challenges that an extrovert wouldn’t give a second thought to, which means that you have the opportunity to overcome challenges often—its quite empowering.

I am passionate. I become even louder than normal when I begin talking about something that I’m passionate about (teaching, Disney, the Harry Potter series, food, etc.). My passion has afforded me a career, an opportunity to write my experiences down to be read across the world, a successful relationship, a stocked fridge…the list goes on. Passion is what fuels the soul—it’s the fortitude of your belief in something that drives you to pursue it at all costs. When it comes to your passion, stubborn isn’t a bad thing to be— never accept the answer you don’t want, always pursue your passion, always keep pushing.

I am inquisitive. I always have a follow-up question. Always. If I could swing it, being a student would be my fulltime job. I love to learn and I am always looking for something new to discover. If the family of one of my students speaks a language I am unfamiliar with, I research it—that’s how I discovered that the Igbo language is spoken in parts of Nigeria. If I come across a word I don’t know, I look it up—that’s how I learned what the word “tenable” meant after reading it on the back of a security guard’s shirt. I am always asking questions—of those around me, of my environment, of myself. Being inquisitive means never being satisfied with the amount of knowledge in your brain’s filing cabinets. There is always more to seek—knowledge truly is power and the more you know the stronger you can be.

I am precise. Some would say controlling, I say precise because I am precise. For example, there is an exact science to making a bed the right way—two pillows per side of the bed, the sheet and blankets must be folded four inches down and there must be the exact right amount of pillow showing out from under the comforter on top (or what I like to call pillow cleavage), all to be demolished within seconds of getting into bed. Precise. Maybe also neurotic, but definitely precise. For me, precision is calming—its organized, its dependable, and it creates a standard that can be met and a goal that can be achieved, even on days when making the bed might be the only goal you feel you can meet—and there’s nothing more satisfying than turning down your bed and jumping in after a hard day.

I am frank. I could have said honest, but my dad’s name is Frank, so hi Dad, I’m frank too. Candor is not something I lack—in my mind, its better to say directly what you mean than to have people translate what they think you mean for you. It’s the most dangerous game of telephone you can play. To be frank means knowing where the line lies between the brutality and dignity of honesty and not crossing it. To be able to say what you mean and mean what you say is crucial to your integrity and is a skill that must always be practiced.

When you think about who you are, about your self-image, what are the first seven words that come to mind? Are they positive? Negative? Critical? More than half of my seven words have been used as criticisms towards me—I’m too stubborn or too loud or too introverted or too precise, yet I use those words to build up my self-image rather than tear it down. What others perceive as our greatest character flaws have the potential to become our strengths, our most brilliant qualities. I challenge you to always find the very best in your seven words and beyond. After all, they are yours and nobody else’s.

It’s nice to meet you. Who are you?

Much love Desirėe xx


About Desirėe Toldo:

 

Money and Budgets: Do I have too?

Article Written By Ellen Rich, Holistic Life Coach and Founder

www.act2.expert

“The budget is not just a collection of numbers, but an expression of our values and aspirations.”

~Jacob Lew Read

 

People have different approaches to money.  Rich or poor, perception of money changes with context.  Each financial group from billionaires to the homeless evaluate groups they are not a part.

Family and culture play a huge role in how you approach money and budget.  A large family that lives together may need less money and can stretch a budget. A single person living on their own, however, may not be able to do this as well.  Money and budgets are not good or bad.  The key is determining what you have now, what resources will come into your possession, and lifestyle.

 

What’s mine?

Whomever you are living with, someone or living on your own, you need to decide how money is consolidated or kept separate from others.  Expenses are split and money allocated depending on each person’s contribution and perspective.  Bills need to be paid and a monthly budget plan put into place.

 

Debt: most of us use it.

Many people stretch their lifestyle by borrowing money (banks, friends, family, investment accounts and credit cards). * closed parentheses  added. There is always a price to pay for borrowing money.  The budget may be met, but the emotional price and financial impact depends on your particular situation.  Emotions can (fly) RUN HIGH when discussions about income, spending and debt arise.

 

Danger, danger and more danger!

If you borrow or lend money, beware that the long -term outcome may not work out as agreed.  I know of someone who lent a “friend” $1,000 and never saw it again.  Even landlords or the tax collectors may impose rules on you that you didn’t anticipate.  Think about what could happen and plan accordingly.

 

What is your money make-up?

How you view money can impact budget decisions.  Even if your current situation looks strong, spenders and savers often clash.  Situations can change (layoffs, death, illness, children, etc.).

 

Money usually creates financial “power” issues

This issue can be traced back to how much money you have and can impact issues that you never experienced.  A loss of a salary can change the entire household.  Additionally, your salary negotiations fall into this category. Applying for a loan or government financial aid also can impact you due to the loss of your power. Whoever has the money has the financial power.

Children

Children are expensive.  It is estimated by CNN.com that it costs $233,610 to raise a child to until they reach the age of 18.  And colleges are very expensive?  There are student loans, community colleges, trade schools and government subsidies.  Your choice is based on your financial commitment to your child.

Sometimes children over 18 want to continue to live with you to reduce their expenses.  You need to consider how much money you will use to support adult children.  It can help if your adult children decide to support you or can contribute financially to the household. I became a caretaker to my mother for 8 years when she was in her 80’s.  This impacted my job, working part time, salary, siblings and inheritance.

Extended Family

As your parents or elders age, their ability or desire to earn income falls.  Most seniors may want to live alone, but can’t afford it.  They may also be sickly and need help with healthcare and day-to-day activities.  Outside, home health care is very expensive.

Where will your money going to go?  Is it going to you, your household, relatives or parents?  These decisions may impact your savings and lifestyle.  The good news here is that your extended family may help you out in ways you never considered.

Solutions

Communication is the key to financial challenges. Dealing with debt is essential in understanding your ongoing plans.  Bankruptcy or wage garnishment may be just around the corner.  If married you are responsible for your partner’s debt.  Don’t shy away from pre-nuptial discussions or a contract when setting up a household with others.

Divorce is quiet common and over 50% of marriages are impacted.  Without understanding the laws in your state, province or country, this can be devastating from a financial standpoint. Go online or visit a divorce attorney to find out what you may be responsible for.  Good advice to keep you on top of your money is, “Never a borrower or a lender be.”

Why do I need a budget?

A budget is a plan that allows you to compare the amount of money you have with your expenses.  Budgets can be developed for any time period, but a monthly review is a good idea to see if you are on track.  Budgets are flexible and can be changed based on circumstances.  Budgets are critical in making big purchases.  They can help you decide whether to make a purchase or not.  With budgets you remain “in the know” of your resources so there are no surprises.

Thank you so much for reading, much love

Ellen xx


After working in the corporate world for 30+ years, Ellen started a Holistic Life Coaching program.  Called act2.expert (www.act2.expert), it is a Holistic Life Coaching Program that allows the client drive the process in a safe and comfortable environment.  Ellen has a BA, MBA, many certificates and has attended Wisdom of the Whole Coaching Academy.

3 Elements to Boost Positive Self-Esteem

by Trilby Johnson – Author and Body Energy Alchemist.

Writer for The Missing Piece Magazine

Self-Esteem is very much a question of connection. In my experience, it’s first and foremost about the connection you have with yourself. It’s how you think about yourself and feel about yourself! It’s also the manner in which you talk to and about yourself.

For many years I struggled with low self-esteem. In fact, I basically hated myself and my life was miserable because of this. I believed what others had told me about myself and it hurt. What hurt so much, was that I knew deep down inside that all of that simply wasn’t true – and yet I let myself down.

For me to get from that place of not liking or loving myself at all, to a place where I had a higher level of self-esteem, took a while and a lot of honest introspection. So in this issue, I want to share with you, 3 of the elements that I consciously chose to add to my life and which helped me to boost a higher and healthier sense of self-esteem.

Image courtesy of Pixabay

  1. Element of Self-Love

Having been someone who didn’t love myself very much, I can guarantee you that Loving Yourself is the most important thing you will even do. Not only for yourself – also for the other people in your life.

Then, it’s about how you connect to others in ways that either support or disempower your level of self-esteem. The reason is that, when you truly love yourself and allow yourself to be who you truly are – the good, the bad, the ugly and all the other bits – you are a Gift – to everybody you know and meet!  You can be confident. You can let go of the doubt, guilt and shame – all of which were probably not yours to begin with.

It took me a long time – through depression, abusive relationships and situations, suicidal tendencies and many low and dark moments – until I realized that all I really wanted, was to love myself.

So please give your permission today, if you are not yet there, to LOVE YOURSELF. It is soooo important!

Self-esteem is a by-product of loving yourself and not vice-verse. So make sure your are not missing out on this crucial boosting element.

  1. Element of Worth

I have worked with so many people, who believe that they are not enough. I know how that feels – I used to be like that. They believe that if they try harder or hard enough, if they give more, if they behave in a certain way, that finally they would be enough … and be worthy of other people’s praise, love, approval, or something else.

I have witnessed it and felt it myself – the huge sense of relief that comes with finally accepting and knowing that I am enough already. That I am worthy. And with this, the knowing that we are all worthy!!!

There is nothing to prove, despite that so many of us have been duped into believe it is something to be achieved or earned. The problems arise when we start to doubt or are led astray by other’s opinions and when we think that we have to DO something to Be Enough. We are enough . . . evident in the fact that Life itself has given us Life. We are enough!

So please, choose to know that you are worthy. This choice will add and boost your self-esteem.

  1. Element of Safety

This may surprise many people – I know it did me, when I realized that not feeling safe had a huge impact on my sense of self-esteem. Many of us are so afraid of the judgement of others. Perhaps even more so and subconsciously, we are afraid of our own judgement. I don’t know about you, but I have often been my harshest and most unforgiving critic!

I can remember the acute sense of relief I experience when I finally let go of judging myself and wanting to control everything … aahhhhh … it was amazing! I began to feel safe.

When you feel safe, you feel okay when you make mistakes. It feels safe even when you don’t always know exactly what to do, all of the time. It feels safe for you to be You – with or without other people’s approval.

When you don’t feel safe, worthy nor love yourself, these mindsets create a gravitational pull to everything ‘out there’ that matches these lower states of self-esteem. Life will serve you up the very things you fear. Life will show you perhaps adversely where you need to boost your levels of love, worthiness and feeling safe.

Safety is an inner state of being. Yes, you can live in a dangerous places – I’ve done that – and even in these situations, you can still feel safe. You can begin by claiming I love myself, I am enough and I am worthy, I am always safe! Even if at first you don’t quite believe or feel it completely. Claiming and declaring these will boost your self-esteem no end.

This does not mean there will not be days that are difficult nor that you will not have dips in your self-esteem. Simple no longer feed them and soon you will find yourself bouncing back. You will begin to enjoy the benefits of high self-esteem like feeling more confident, happier, healthier and more successful in your daily endeavours.

YOU are your most priceless and valuable commodity! Believe in yourself and your self-esteem will follow. Boost it daily with thoughts, words and feelings of  love, worth and safety that will provide you with a healthy and loving connection and web of self-esteem.

Thank you so much for reading, much love

Trilby xx


Trilby Johnson
Author, Speaker and Body Energy Alchemist
Connect The Essence of Who You Truly Are!
Blog – https://trilbyjohnsontheconnective.com/blogconnectiveharmony

Pain Versus Pleasure – REAL LIFE STORY!

Real Life Story Written By Scott Vejar

Although I didn’t come up with this title on my own, it resonated with my life on more than one occasion. While attending a Tony Robbins event, he spoke on the topic of pain versus pleasure. He said that people do things to either avoid pain or gain pleasure. He gave us an exercise to do to help overcome hurdles, challenges, or setbacks. We would pick out a ‘challenge’ in our lives that we had a difficult time accomplishing or completing (even though it was necessary to do to make our lives better).

We would make two columns and write the word ‘Pain’ as a header for the left side column, and then write the word ‘Pleasure’ as a header for the right-hand column. What Tony stated was that ‘pain’ could be emotional pain, embarrassment, inconvenience, fear, lack of money, loss of a loved one or anything you would lose for not accomplishing what needs to be done. Then we would come up with a list of the ‘pain’ of not doing what needs to be done versus the ‘pleasure’ we would get from doing said tasks. For example, one of my ‘needs to get done’ was to practice public speaking. The ‘pain’ for me was being embarrassed of making a fool of myself, speaking of something that people were not interested. Another ‘pain’ was feeling uncomfortable speaking in front of people because I did not have self-confidence. I was very self-conscience of my looks because people would make fun of me when I was a kid.

This assignment was tough for me because it opened up some emotional wounds. It made me think about things that were hidden deep inside. They kept me from doing things because of lack of self-confidence, being self-conscience of how people thought of me, and being afraid to speak in front of an audience. The ‘pleasure’ I would get out of public speaking would be helping other people, gaining confidence, making friends, conquering my fear of public speaking, making a career change, making money, and furthering my knowledge on the subjects I wanted to speak on. The ‘pleasure’ list outweighed the ‘pain’ list. It was there that I decided to join Toastmasters (https://www.toastmasters.org/).

It all started when I was a kid. I was the youngest of four boys. One of the main issues I had was that I was fat. My brothers would pick on me a lot, and that made me self-conscience of my looks. To save money, my dad would shave our heads during the summer. My brothers would get on their knees and start bowing and chanting praise to ‘Buddha’. This made me upset and caused further emotional trauma. Also, we would fight a lot. Brother number one was older and a lot bigger than I was, there were times when he got in his moods, and he would beat me up. Brother number two had issues himself, he would beat me up more than brother number one. Brother number three, who was almost a year older than I was, would beat me up more than the others. So there I was, getting picked on and beaten up for the most part of my childhood.

Not only was I picked on at home, but I was also picked on in elementary school too. Because I was born late in the year, my parents had a choice to either put me in school early (which made me almost a year younger than everyone else) or wait and put me in school later (which would have made me a little older than the other classmates). My parents decided to put me in school early. There were a few classmates who used to bully me

either verbally or physically. I used to get into a lot of fights; I lost most of them. There was one classmate I had to deal with who would make fun of me all the time because I was fat. The problem with that was he was my cousin, so I was being made fun of at school, but also at family events. He would make fun of me in front of the classmates all during recess, and during lunch, he was relentless. Getting picked on at school by the school bullies and my cousin made me completely withdrawn and depressed. It got to the point where I hated not only hated school, but also life itself. When I hear people say, “I hate that” or, “I hate this,” I joke around and say “hate is a strong word.” But for a long time when I was a kid, I really used to hate life. It got to the point where I hated every day of my life. The sayings, “Time goes by fast when you are having fun,” and “a watched pot never boils” meant a lot to me. I didn’t want to go to school so much that on the weekends I would stare at the clock so time would go by slow. If I went out and played, time would go by fast, and then school would come around quicker than I liked. I was one mixed up kid.

I met someone on Facebook who is a public speaker. I was interested in the possibility of overcoming my fear, so I met him. He asked me about my life. It is hard for me to say this, but there was a time in fourth grade when I used to think about killing myself. There were times I used to stand on the street corner and think about running in front of a car, just to end it all. I still remember four different occasions when I was so close. I couldn’t get any closer without actually going through with it. I just wanted to get it over with.

Then one day, something happened that changed my life. One of my brother’s classmate’s father committed suicide on the next block in between a store and a house. The kids in the neighborhood started making fun of the man, calling him crazy, a looney toon, and a psycho. As weird as this sounds, this was one confusing time for me. I wanted to kill myself because I was tired of being bullied and picked on. But since the kids were making fun of the man who killed himself, I didn’t want people to make fun of me because I killed myself (as crazy as that sounds). So now I was stuck. Do I kill myself because I don’t want people to make fun of me, or do I not kill myself because I don’t want people to make fun of me? Obviously, I didn’t kill myself, but it made life unpleasant for a long time. I conditioned myself to hate life, be very negative, not enjoy things I should have enjoyed, and not appreciate my accomplishments.

Which brings me to the title of this story, Pain versus Pleasure. Looking back at what Tony Robbins said, people do things to either avoid pain or gain pleasure. So in my case, it was more painful to have people make fun of me for killing myself than it was for people making fun of me for being fat. I am glad I made the decision I made; I now enjoy life.

I use the ‘Pain versus Pleasure’ exercise whenever I want or need to do something that will make my life better. I used it to join Toastmasters, which for me, was one big step in life. I am no longer afraid of public speaking. I still need to work on the art of public speaking, but I overcame my fear.

I feel the ‘Pain versus Pleasure’ could be effective for anyone. If there is anything you want or need to do that you are hesitant to do, this exercise will help you find your calling.

Thank you so much for reading, much love

Scott Vejar

Money, Money, Money, A Currency or a Global Language?

Guest Blog Written By Emma Coker

 

It makes the world go around and it is the root of all evil!

Wow, now that’s a powerful currency and 2 powerful statements. It doesn’t grow on trees but some people do have a tree at the bottom of their garden that they go and shake!

Money does not make you happy but it does give you choices.

You can always make more money but not more time.

I could go on with all these wonderful statements I listened to growing up and I am sure you have your own set of one liners and beliefs too, thankfully, I have now come to a place where I have created my own belief statements and money, that is.

My belief is: I could travel to any country in the world, open my hand with a coin in my palm and the person standing in front of me would instantly connect with that object. The interesting thing here is, that I don’t know this person from Adam, I probably don’t speak their language, I don’t know their culture, I am unlikely to have the same skin tone or religion, I haven’t even had the chance to shake hands. Yet our unspoken communication is the coin that is in my hand. We connect via that little piece of precious metal and now we speak a common language and one that is global. Now that is powerful.

 

So where did we get our relationship with money from? I’m talking circa “My Generation” of being a 70s baby?

Our family, parents, cousins, friends?

The television, radio, newspapers, church?

School, after school clubs, teachers?

Our first bank/building society account started by friends and family for a birthday or christening? Or if you were a lucky enough as a child you may have even holidayed abroad?

So how do we educate ourselves now? I could write a list of wonderful websites but we would be here all day? Let’s just say there is a generation that has greater access than you and I born in the 1960-80S… but is that a good thing? Or am I opening another can of worms?

Luckily, I can only speak from personal experience in this area……

My first recollection of the power of money whilst growing up was around the age of 3. I was allowed once a week to dip my hands into a jar with my Auntie Eve so we could count the coins to pay the milk man. I remember thinking how big the coins were and how she was delighted to see there were always some coins left. I remember the odd smell it left on my hands and her insisting that I wash them afterwards or I would get spots on my face. I didn’t connect with the coins at all, to me they were just little pieces of metal that Auntie Eve used to buy milk. I did, however, love the counting part and the excitement of hoping we had more to count this week than last.

My next recollection of the power of money was not as positive, my parents never really spoke about money, I never had pocket money and I never seemed to need it. Everything was in perfect order in my tender years. Who needs money when you have a river at the end of the garden, a couple of dogs, lots of books, a weeble wobble plane and a fold up garage? However, suddenly money was spoken about every day. Or should I say the lack of it.

THE BALIFF -He wanted money

THE BANK – She wanted money

THE SOLICITOR – He wanted money

THE PRIVATE SCHOOL – They wanted money

The list seemed endless…well it did for Mum and Dad, alas we didn’t have any, any more.

In 24hrs the whole world changed for me and not something at aged 6 I was really prepared for.

This subject of money or the lack of it made adults grumpy, shout, cry and generally look very sad. Worse of all my fold up garage and weeble wobble plane had also gone in the boxes taken by those people who needed money. I don’t remember reading anything about money in Winnie the Pooh, “Now We Are Six” maybe he mentions it in The House at Pooh Corner?

My memories of those years are so vivid and over time I have had to correct my views on money, create a new relationship with money and learn to adapt to the feast or famine lifestyle I grew up around.

I believed for many years that I needed to spend it as quick as it came in, give it freely to others even though I needed it myself and that it would eventually bring chaos and sadness in my love life or marriage. Ta dah, it did, however secretly it was always my friend. I knew deep down I could always make more, could always find some currency to trade in and that money isn’t made of just metal or paper.

Money has its upsides, is a joy, an endless journey of pleasure but it can also teach you valuable lessons in life:

In 2013 my life decided less was more, I had pretty much given up and lost all my worldly goods, packed a suitcase and made my way back home to my Mum and now Stepfather.

Rich Dad Poor Dad is exactly what I experienced right there and then. My stepfather and Mother have an exceptional relationship with money, they value it, know it doesn’t make them happy on its own. They save, they enjoy it and they also share the gift of giving wisely.

My own Father loved money more than life, it bought him joy, friends, alcohol and kept him from being lonely. It ruled his existence and luckily for him he could also earn it and lots of it when he wanted to. I was privy to many exciting dinners, days out, shopping trips and memory bank full of watching him spend it. I don’t however recall him ever having a savings plan, we never discussed pensions, stocks, shares or saving for retirement. Maybe that’s why he didn’t live to retirement? It does cross my mind.

I now travel extensively for work, I carry at least 3 currencies at any one time in my purse and I have a draw full of money that my Father collected for me when he travelled the globe for work. Some of them are no longer valid but I love touching them all the same. When I hold the notes and coins in my hand they speak to me, they create pictures and images. I imagine what my Dad might have been doing when he had the currency in his back pocket or wallet. I have treasured currencies from Nigeria, Saudi, Peru, the Philippines and Egypt to name a few.  I can look at Canadian dollar aged 48 and I am immediately transported back 37 years to my first trip to see my grandparents in Windsor, Ontario, Canada and all the amazing sights I saw, including the boat trip under Niagara Falls. I keep a note or coin from every trip I take and I always have, I think they are equal to postcards which I also collect.

I am blessed to have seen 2 sides of the same coin but from a different geography. I am blessed to have always known money was indeed my friend. Thankfully money has been patient with me and has appreciated we haven’t always had mutual respect and love for each other.

Money is now my partner along with time, I value them both hugely and to date I am mastering them both.

Money doesn’t make the world go around but it is the unspoken language among many cultures, religions, beliefs and ages. The unspoken word that we all recognise.

So, the next time you travel try my tip, see if speaking with money does work for you, see if it communicates in a foreign language that you don’t speak, and if you can’t travel then just hold a note in your hand as you stand at the bar waiting to be served your next drink. See how quickly your unspoken communication speaks for you.

I also urge you to find your unspent notes and coins and see what memories they conjure up as you touch them or place them in your hand.

I urge you to try my Mantra: From Today I Make Mr Money My Best Friend alongside Mrs Time

Thank you for reading,

Emma xx

My name is Emma Joel Coker. Even saying that out loud, or starting this site, demonstrates where I am on my journey. Like many of us, life threw me lemons, and therefore I made lemonade, however my upbringing was somewhat extraordinary.

I’ve spent 20 years working with individuals across the globe to attract and coach talented well beings. My holistic approach enables individuals and companies to work from a mind body and spirited way in their everyday working lives.

I have a first class degree in life and a passion for excellence when it comes to seeing my clients find their wings and soar to the heights they set themselves.

However I dreamed, as a child, of becoming an author. That dream has now taken flight.

It’s a pleasure to meet you! You can find out more about me at: http://www.emmajoelcoker.com/

How to Make Relationships WORK!

A healthy loving relationship is a sacred gift from our higher source of power. For those who call your higher power God, just like me. We know that god wants us to love each other and create together. He didn’t want us to be upset in a relationship or be miserable, nor did he want us to merely exist in an unloving duty that we feel the need to be tied to because of money of other issues.

A relationship should be a happy journey for you and your partner. You both should have the room you need for each of you to develop and grow. Not everyone stays the same and over time we evolve. We all have personal growth journeys and none of us will be the same people ten years from now. This means the relationship has to grow and develop with us or it will never work. Too many people stay together just for the sake of “making things easier.”

We tell lies to ourselves by doing this. Nothing is going to be easier; in fact you are making life ten times harder for yourself for not being you. If you are not being complete free who you want to be then it’s time to stretch your wings and be the person that you have always wanted to be. It’s time to seriously look at what we should be doing in this relationship and what we shouldn’t. I can’t promise that at the end of this blog that your relationship will be all rosy and everything will be fantastic. But I can promise that I will give you a better understanding and make you aware of the things that should be happening, in order to improve your everyday lives, and also not to live frustrated and misunderstood each day.

We all yearn for emotional and spiritual connection. We want to be accepted for who we are. We want to be forgiven for our past mistakes and not be judged by the one person we share our lives with. We want understanding, affection, tenderness and we want our partner to know when exactly we need these things, so that we can receive them.

When we first enter a relationship we tend to put on our happy face and also wear the rose tinted specs. For the first 3 months our heads in the clouds and we are in honeymoon period. We are so overjoyed and infatuated with each other that we cancel out the real world. We only think of the “now moment” rather than 6, 12 months from now. After the infatuation dies down, reality sinks in. We really start to learn the person behind the happy face and we start to notice their true habits and true personality.

A long-term relationship and a marriage require a lot of work from both parties. It requires sensitivity, communication, respect, empathy and listening to one another. It requires a lot of your attention and time to make sure it keeps developing while you’re together.

One of the strongest tools in a relationship is communication and it’s something a lot of couples don’t do. We somehow expect our partners to automatically know how we are feeling. We have all expected this, at same stage in a relationship within our lives and those who say they haven’t really are not being completely honest to them self. Think about it for one moment. If we didn’t have to communicate to have the perfect relationship and our partners could read our minds then would frustration really exist?…Course it wouldn’t. In fact everyone would have perfect relationships, awesome sex lives and the divorce lawyers would be out of business!

My friends the only way you are going to have the most amazing relationship and sex life is through communicating with each other and telling each other how you feel and also taking each other’s feelings into consideration. HOWEVER. You do both have to commit to doing the work and carrying out the communication in the first place. If only one of you decides to complete the work and the other chooses not to then you’re both going to end up on completely different pages? Which will result in you totally not understand where the other person is coming from? So take your time to work through each issue in your relationship together, and support each other while you are taking this new journey.

Facing the Music

For any relationship to move forward we first have to deal with the issues that are frustrating you right now. Not every person possesses the same levels of caring, respect and love as each other.

You may love at a deeper level then your partner. Remember that you are not the same people and you have come from entirely different backgrounds. So you have learnt different ways of how to treat others. What might seem unacceptable treatment to one could feel completely normal to the other.

This is where frustration comes in.  So rather than communicating with each other we will instead bottle these emotions up which then build up and can result in an explosion of emotions which result in a huge argument. This is why in order to move forward we have to face the music and we have to put all our cards on the table and be forced to look at our bad points…….and accept them!

Don’t expect them to read your mind or live up to expactations that they could never reach! That’s completely unacceptable to expect somebody to deliver a high expectency and then later pull them down for not reaching what is expected from them. Nobody is perfect, so if you learn to support each other and work on the weak points (weak points NOT bad) you will go on to grow together and have a wonderful relationship.

Now I am not saying that won’t ever be storms to ride, stressful times ahead or unexpected hurdels ahead, because I would be completely B.S-ing you! Of course they will! But at least if you work together stronger as a unit, rather then divided you will come through the worse storms and out the otherside stronger then ever!

I pray a massive  blessing over you today and your relationships, and may your realtionship be as strong and happy as mine.

Have a wonderful rest of your week,

Much Love

Kate xx

 

My Brain Went Haywire

Guest Blog written by:  by Martin Warrillow

The human brain can only be worked so hard. When it’s had enough, it goes haywire. The only job I ever wanted when I was growing up was to be a journalist and despite being born with spina bifida and hydrocephalus (Google it, lol…) I fulfilled that childhood wish to work in journalism.

I had 24 years on various local daily and weekly newspapers in the West Midlands, with most of them spent on the sports desk of a major regional morning newspaper.
We worked ridiculous evening shifts, starting at 3pm and finishing whenever we finished, which was usually between midnight and 1am.

We worked almost every Sunday (we did get Saturdays off, although some of us worked a Saturday to earn extra money) and we worked every Bank Holiday . Of course, this meant I didn’t get home until 1.30am or so and rarely went to bed before 2am.

With my wife waking at 6am to go to work, it meant I wasn’t getting a lot of ‘proper’ sleep. I was also eating ‘on the run’ and eating a bad diet. In hindsight, it was a recipe for disaster and in 2006-7, I started to suffer epilepsy. Gigantic ‘Fall out of bed, lose control of your bodily functions’ seizures.
I had at least ten of them and it took the doctors 18 months to work out what was happening. Finally, my employer paid for a private consultation with a professsor of neurology; to be honest, I think they were frightened about what would happen if something really dramatic went wrong and they were shown not to have fulfilled their duty of care to an employee.

I will never forget the day I sat in that consultant’s office and he said: “You don’t know how close you’ve come to killing yourself. Your eating and sleeping patterns are wrecked; your body clock’s shot to bits.”

Sensing disaster ahead, the company quickly took me off those shifts, put me on regular day shifts for a while and things calmed down. They put me on a veritable feast of medication and as I write, I haven’t had a fit since February 2010. But at the end of 2009, my department was the victim of cost-cutting in the newspaper industry as the internet took all their classified advertising and my job was made redundant.

I moved into the world of freelance journalism and got a decent annual contract editing the quarterly magazine of British Naturism. Yes, British Naturism, the organisation which promotes social nudity as a leisure activity. My wife and I had been naturists since stumbling on to a clothes-optional beach in Spain in 1991 so it seemed the perfect job. And indeed, I enjoyed it for the first three-and-a-half years until the 1% of the membership which voted in leadership elections decided to change the chairman.

The new incumbent hated me and office politics came to the fore. In the autumn of 2013, I decided not to apply for another annual contract but before I could leave, the organisation decided not to renew my contract – and told me in a two-minute phone call one Sunday night, a month before Christmas.

That decision took away 90 per cent of my income and over the next two weeks, I panicked about replacing it. I stressed too much, I worked too hard, I networked too much (at least five meetings a week) – in hindsight, I took my brain and body to their limits and beyond. Then, while I was crossing a road near my home on the afternoon of Monday December 16 2013, I collapsed without warning. I lay in the road helpless – paralysed down my left side, carrying a £2,000 computer in my right hand and with a 47-seater bus coming towards me. I’d had a stroke. At the age of 49, after two and a half decades in the high-pressure world of journalism, my body and brain had cried ‘Enough!’

It should have killed me but somehow the bus miraculously missed me (I am still convinced to this day that the driver doesn’t know I was there, because I was in his blind spot) – and I survived the stroke. I spent a month over Christmas and New Year in hospital (the first two weeks of it wholly paralysed down my left side), I was in a wheelchair for four months, on sticks for 18 months.

It took two years for me to re-learn how to walk (which I still do with a limp) and I have been left with long-term memory loss and balance issues. But at least I’m alive. I’ve been retired from full-time work since December 2015 but I blog about stroke education at www.askthewarrior.com
and I do talks about stroke education as ‘The Warrior’ – specifically emphasising the need for self-employed people to take care of their brains and bodies – no 20-hour days or 100-hour weeks! – and also to prepare financially for the life-changing event “which will never happen to me.”

I’m living, breathing proof that it can happen to you if you work your brain and body too hard. If I can help one person to avoid going through what I’ve been through, I see that as creating a massive positive out of a massive negative.

Thank you for reading,

Martin Warrillow