Why Not Me? – Article Written By Dr. Jane Cox

Article Written By Dr. Jane Cox

Why not me?

Perhaps we have a bit of a defective gene. Either that, or we’re just a bunch of excuse-seeking lethargic people who need a damn good kick up the backside. What makes me say this? Well, the fact that, across the globe, people seem to seek reasons to NOT do something, rather than grabbing opportunities and challenging themselves to grow and to learn as a result of expanding out of our comfort zones and into the big unknown.

We use so many reasons to not do things. We talk about all the people we put first – our partners, children, friends, family – and hide behind our love for them as a reason for not stepping forward into our own lives. We feel like we shouldn’t love ourselves as much as we love those important people. But of course the reality is that, by loving ourselves and living a life that proves that love and respect we have for ourselves, we set a better example and are a more rounded individual, capable of loving others as equals, and as fellow travellers through this game of life, rather than as a subservient player of the game of life.

For every single one of us, there is a tendency to seek comfort, to seek predictability and routine, and the reality is that an awfully big part of the world’s incredibly talented population choose this path of least resistance. But to me, feeling like I’ve hit a comfort zone sets off alarm bells all through my system. Why? Because your comfort zone is like a comfort blanket, and a comfort blanket is something we use to sooth and protect us. It represents sameness and predictability.

The trouble is that in life our comfort zone is not a comfort blanket, it is a fire blanket. It literally smothers growth, reduces oxygen, and puts out the flames of our fire, of our potential progress. In short, it kills you. Perhaps not physically, but it is the place where our dreams, aspirations, talents and ambition are reduced to smouldering embers.

Is that what we want? Do we want to live an easy life? A life that doesn’t stretch us or test us? Do we really want to lie on our deathbeds one day regretting the opportunities we didn’t take? The excitement we didn’t experience? The impact we could have made? The fact is that, if we learn to love ourselves and embrace what is really important to us, the idea of hiding under that blanket would seem appalling, rather than appealing.

The progress of each and every one of us is so important. We are souls in the process of continuous evolution and change. How do some people stand out from the masses and earn our respect? Well, the answer is simple – they are the people who step out of the shadows, and into the living, breathing world. Instead of skulking around the outskirts, hoping they won’t be noticed, a select few have got the courage and the faith to stand up and be counted. To step forward, often without knowing where that particular journey or decision will take them, and trust that if they have got the courage to take that leap of faith, the Universe will provide them with a safe place to land.

I have always tended a bit towards the reckless. I tend to say yes, and then figure out the details of how to actually do whatever it is I’ve agreed to. But actually it’s not really reckless, because always I trust my gut feel. If something “feels” right, then it will be the right thing for you. And it’s not a case of whether that challenge feels comfortable – in fact, almost by nature, what you should be feeling is that slight feeling of fear and uncertainty, tinged with excitement and anticipation – but more a case of whether that challenge feels like a gift that has been sent to you with the purpose of stretching your abilities and testing your levels of self-belief.

You see, if you live a comfortable life for too long, you lose the ability to feel. Literally. Your life becomes like those comfy shoes and sloppy clothes that you slump in front of the telly in, watching other people’s lives, rather than living your own. You start losing awareness of self. Do you genuinely feel joy? Achievement? Excitement? When was the last time you really felt bubbling anticipation, or were moved to tears of sheer happiness? Or have you lost the ability to connect with life’s beauty, because you’ve been scared to death of risking it’s pain?

When we pluck up the courage to risk feeling pain, we add so much dimension to our lives. Because life is constantly resting on a fulcrum. And it is a seesaw from good to bad and back, from fear and distress to joy and completeness. If you cut off your ability to feel pain, life has to keep itself in balance and so in turn it cuts off the other side of the seesaw to match, and takes with it all the positives that we yearn for so much. The more we run away from, the shorter the length of happiness we can experience on the other side of that fulcrum. And when we shorten it into our comfort zone, we start just existing in the middle, rather than living all the way to the edges.

So perhaps today is the day to make a decision to live. To challenge your boundaries. To take a chance, and push yourself into the uncomfortable. Because when we open ourselves up to those challenges and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, the rewards will be priceless.

Take your leap of Faith, and trust that the Universe will supply you with a safe place to land.

Are you ready, today, to challenge yourself?

 

Much Love,

Jane x

Forgiveness- Written By Tim Johnson

Article Written By Tim Johnson

 

Forgiveness can be a messy subject, as there are a lots of “shoulds” in this area.  Time honoured teaching tells us that we should “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”

But why should we forgive people who have done wrong?  For many there are two key issues that feel uncomfortable:  Firstly letting people off the hook, it feels that if we forgive them, then they’ll be getting away with what they’ve done and secondly if we do so we’ll appear to be weak.

I’ll address those two issues in a moment, but before I do let’s look at why it is worth forgiving someone.  Again there are two core reasons:  Firstly it allows you to move on, as being consumed in self-righteous indignation is not overly helpful for you or those around you.  Secondly it allows you to learn from the situation, the parts you may have played, the early warning signs, and how you might do things a little differently next time.

The flipside to forgiveness is resentment.  The best way I’ve heard resentment described is setting yourself on fire and expecting the other person to get burnt.  When you look at it this way the futility of holding onto to the red hot coal of anger becomes apparent: It has no effect on the other person and only makes your life painful.  Now you could exercise revenge, but that normally simply polarises and intensifies the issue and as Ghandi once said “an eye for an eye, makes the world go blind.”

What people have done they have done, and if laws have been broken there is a system (however imperfect) to deal with that.  But in order to move on you need to learn to come terms with what has happened, and it helps us to walk in the other persons metaphorical shoes. Try and understand what they must have been going through to behave in that way.  How must have their world view been shaped or warped by their particular life experiences.

All of us have the same propensity for brilliance and darkness in equal measure, what we actually exhibit is not always as on demand as we would like.  When we can start to give others a little compassion and understanding, then we are more able to give ourselves a little compassion and understanding.  Often we are the harshest critics on the planet to ourselves, which in turn makes it easier for us to be critical and sharp with others, and what we sow we reap, what goes around comes around.

So how do you actually forgive someone?  Just saying it doesn’t really cut it does it?  My take on it is see what can you be grateful for from the experience.  Often we are resentful at times of loss, so to lose something we must have had some benefit in the first place, and later on you will have some deep learning from the experience.  We know that most of our profound learnings come from the hard times in our lives and be grateful for the learning experience.

It’s not easy because in times of stress, or when we are triggered by similar events, it’s supremely hard not to slip back into self-righteous indignation and rage.  it’s not weakness, because to overcome our instinctive tendencies for resentment, rage and revenge takes huge personal strength to wrestle with the intense emotions that flow through us and not to be victim or to the mercy of them.  It takes courage to feel those raw emotions and to embrace them and face them without judgement and fear.  It takes bravery to own and accept your own emotions without acting out, or trying to suppress them.

To build this inner strength, bravery and courage we need to move beyond our minds.  Because our minds will always manipulate the data to support our emotions, however warped the logic maybe to an impartial observer.  It is this tendency of our minds to be selective in the way we view the “facts” that explains the polarisation in our politics, religions and communities.

So how do we move beyond our minds to rationalise forgiveness and start to embody forgiveness?

First get into our bodies, breathe, connect with the different energy centres along our spines.  When we do this we can rest with our emotions more easily.  When we do this we can remember we are all the same at heart.  And when we get to a heart centred understanding we can allow compassion and forgiveness to arrive.

When this fails, because the mind wants to overrule, it doesn’t want to let go of its certainty in its self-righteous judgements, feel the pain and suffering that goes with it.  Rinse and repeat as many times as you like, and simply observe the dynamic.  The mind will never work this one out; it will keep you trapped in a loop.

In the meantime, channel this energy and frustration into productive areas for you.  Even if it’s “to show them”, use that burning anger with focused direction of your choosing.  Use it as a gift.

Finally, eventually, you’ll be so tired and exhausted with battling with yourself in this way, you just might surrender to your whole body, let go, and let the compassion and forgiveness arise from deep within you – because it is there all the time!

Thank you for reading,

Tim

Forgiveness – Written By Kim B Smith

Written By Kim B Smith

 

How do you forgive? I hear and I also have used this: I forgive you, however, I do not forget! Is that true forgiveness? The simple definition of Forgive by Merriam-Webster is: To stop feeling anger towards someone who has done something wrong; to stop blaming someone; to give up resentment.  Well, how do you do that? Isn’t resentment the poison of one’s self? The killer of one’s self? I feel we live in a world of blame, shame, and lack of responsibility, so where does forgiveness fall into our lives? I personally have a very difficult time with this one.

I am one who battles with being right, I must be right (childhood thing) so when I forgive, I feel I am being taken advantage of and that I am letting the other person “of the hook” for their actions. I feel I am not being heard, I feel my anger and my pain in the situation isn’t being felt from the other person especially when I am being blamed for their lack of responsibility.  So forgiving is a tough one me so what do I personally do in these tough situations? Well, I know this has nothing to do with the other person and or situation, NOTHING!!! This is all on me to choose to forgive and move on or to stay in anger, lack, and negativeness. It is my choice and my responsibility for myself, my life, my health to learn, yes learn to forgive and practice forgiveness! Life is a journey and it is all about practicing…

I believe Forgiveness is shown every day by God, Buddha, Gandhi, Mother Teresa and so many others we don’t even know about. I would like to share with all of you how to step into Forgiveness, not like these leaders or anyone else for that matter, but for YOU and how all of this can work, but before I move forward, I can only share with you what works for me. And please know, I have not arrived at a complete destination of forgiveness because I am still alive, practicing, learning and growing. I am not about perfection because forgiveness has flaws, lessons to be learned, just like what life is all about and forgiveness is just a piece of the whole picture.

I often ask myself with all the world news and events how does one forgive when their child is taken at an early age? When someone does a mass shooting in an elementary school or any other public place; how does one forgive the drunk driver that killed a member of a family? How about when a friend really does something to hurt your feelings or when your beloved animal has a disease and dies young? (Yes, I do not have children, my kids are my four-legged dogs) I have experienced all of this grief one way or another through friend’s experiences or my very own losses such as loved ones, so-called friendships and so much more. How do I surrender to Forgiveness?

To begin: I am a big believer in really knowing yourself, personal growth, change up the same ole same sick and tired of the sick and tired! Really feel our emotions, not sweep under the carpet like we are told and taught to do. And by the way, there are no good and bad emotions, just emotions. I also believe we need to be clear on what really makes you passionate, what rocks your world, and stand strong NO MATTER WHAT! And a part of this is personal boundaries and being strong to either walk away, or to stay, or do nothing at all. (Sometimes we need to not say anything than to voice our opinions) In order to do this, you must have boundaries set in place for yourself and this is where forgiveness can really help along with some other practices and yes I said practices. Nothing is perfect (get rid of that word) and remember this is a practice…every day. We have an opportunity to do this every day however, we must be able to MANAGE our emotions and not let the emotions CONTROL us. No blame, shame, or guilt here, just our emotions. (Easier said than done)

One of the hardest, and yes most difficult is not taking things personally especially when others are involved. It is tough to do when your heart is at the center of a situation. But forgiving someone for their personal pain is where to begin, and by the way, this doesn’t make their action or actions acceptable AT ALL! But there are the choices to be made here; we can hate, be resentful and kill ourselves with those feeling or learn the practice of forgiveness. Yes, learn and most importantly practice. We all have days where we are angry and unforgiving, however, it is what we do with all of this. Staying angry isn’t healthy and it creates resentment, stress, negativity mindset, disease and so much more to our life. Who in the hell wants that? Forgiving is accepting what has happened, it is a lesson for us and how are we going to learn from these lessons and opportunities? I know people that have lost children and they become advocates for other families in different scenarios. Now that is forgiveness, however, they do still have their moment of anger, sadness, and grief, but they don’t stay there long. It is turned around to joy, faith, forgiveness, and serving of others. They have done a lot of internal personal work to go through the forgiving process and it is a practice of Life. We do not arrive done, finished or perfect. It is chaotic and painful sometimes. What I am saying here is the old cliché: We are given lemons, not what do we make? A life of regret? Resentment? Anger?  A life of despair that takes us into rage, hate, selfishness, and lack of so many other things. We are here to SERVE, serve ourselves of joy and faith to serve others, pay it forward from our lemons.

Now please do not get me wrong here, it isn’t okay for someone to shoot another person, or get in a car and drive under the influence of alcohol or technology and take another person’s life, however if we live in continual resentment and hate I promise you, this will show up in your life as disease, or substance abuse, self-destruction and do you want this? Forgiveness doesn’t mean we accept the behaviors of others, forgiveness is forgiving, moving on, knowing there is a loss on their end with what they are dealing with and it isn’t our personal shit! It is understanding ourselves and what can we do to move forward. To let go of the pain, hurt and loss so the lack of forgiveness doesn’t kill us. Destroy our lives and others around us and to me, which is worse than death because this becomes a slow and miserable death!

Okay, I think I have made my point here so where do you begin? Again I can only share what I do and I hope this will provide a bit of insight for you.

  1. Surrender to being sick and tired and your unhappiness. Become aware that this isn’t what you desire for YOURSELF. We can only change us not anyone else!
  2. Now reach out, get support. You will need this from now to the end of time! No kidding! People that have walked this path longer than you; people that are beginning this path as well, like yourself; surround yourself with the like-minded individuals that can relate to you, support you, lead you so you never feel alone.
  3. Discover meditation. You will see a theme here with all of my articles about meditation. There is no right way to meditate. Experience different forms of meditation and do what works for you. Do not make a goal of quieting down the mind, the mind is there for a reason, but being quiet in nature, on a walk, sitting still, writing, guided music are a few ways to meditate. So much comes from this PRACTICE. Start small and grow with this and forgive yourself.

This all begins with YOU. Not me, not our significant other, or the neighbor and so on, YOU! And when we shift, other things shift; people, events and so on! Really, it does work.

Forgiveness! Surrender and Allow-Receive! You deserve it.

 

Thank you for reading,

Kim,


Kim Boudreau Smith is a multi-talented CEO and business leader with a legacy of empowering thousands of women. From a corporate background in sales and marketing and over 20 years of experience in the fitness industry, Kim has gone on to become an #1 International Best-Selling Author with the book being one of the best-selling on Amazon for 2015! Kim also has become a multiple International Best-Selling Author Business Consultant and Speaker. Kim combines her expertise with a passion to motivate and inspire other women to become “top producers in their lives”. As CEO of Kim Boudreau Smith Inc.& former CEO of Bold Radio Station, Kim’s international speaking and coaching work has enabled thousands of women to benefit from her inspirational and empowering work. She is all about the Power of Voice!

Kim’s websites: www.kimbsmith.com and www.boldradiostation.com

Stop and Smell the Roses! – Written By Dr. Jane Cox

Written By Dr. Jane Cox

 

In a world characterised with multi-tasking, scattered focus and huge pressures, is it any wonder that most of us lose out on the genuine enjoyment of getting stuck into a task, achieving a dream or immersing ourselves completely into an experience that brings real, life-changing joy into our lives?

Sometimes we’re so busy trying to have it all, that we don’t really feel like we have anything. I’m lucky to know some incredible people. They’re switched on, ambitious, successful… All of those things that look so appealing from the outside looking in. And are they happy? Yes, of course many of them are. But for others, their life is a place of busyness without that brilliant buzz that comes from really, truly knowing that what you are doing is 100% aligned to who you are and what you want to achieve right now in your life.

Why do I recognise this so well? Because I’ve been on both sides of this divide myself, over, and over, and over again. You see, we go through cycles – all of us. Times when stuff is going great, and then times where things feel a bit flat and frustrating. But when you’re trying your best to make a go of your life, when you go through one of those “flat” phases, you often try to regenerate your enthusiasm for life, and you throw yourself madly into an array of things to try to recapture that buzz.

And that, so often is where we start getting lost. We’re so used to keeping busy and producing results that we can’t seem to help ourselves filling time, “being productive”, when actually what we need to do the most is to allow our brains a time of quiet which would enable us to find our next move forward as directed by our “gut feel”.

Gut feel? Is it real? Yes, it most definitely is. Putting my “Doctor of Natural Medicine” hat on for a minute, it is now scientifically proven that we have brain cells around our gut lining, and the tissue around our heart. The beautiful thing about these cells is that they remain true to you. To the destiny of your DNA. Your brain cells in your head – they’re influenced and adapted all the time, by the people you meet, the books you read, everything you have learned, or observed. While of course this is the whole point of your brain, and thank goodness for it, we are losing out on so much knowledge of ourselves and the core of who we are when we dismiss that “gut feel”.

The trouble is that our gut feel doesn’t shout, it whispers. We have to give ourselves the space and time each day to literally “feel” what is right in our lives. And giving ourselves this time is priceless when we are seeking clarity on what it is that will actually bring us that happiness and contentment that is so precious to us.

The Oxford English dictionary definition of clarity is “clearness or lucidity as to perception or understanding; freedom from indistinctness or ambiguity.” When we gift ourselves the time and effort to connect with that clarity, and to move away from the ambiguity that often characterises so much of the hard work we put into our lives, we start to experience that laser-sharp focus, which in turn enables us to have ultimate power over our dreams and goals.

Changing into my Metaphysician hat for a moment, let’s have a look at what the effect of clarity and focus have on the possibilities around us: We know that we are all effectively human sized energy fields. Most of us experience the results of our energies and their interaction with the world around us all the time. We can feel if we’ve walked into a room where you can “cut the atmosphere with a knife” because of the tension between people. We’ve spent time with people who drain us of our energy, and time with people who leave us feeling fired up with energy. All of us feel at times as though everything is “in flow”, and at other times like everything is a huge effort & nothing runs smoothly.

Well, if you are unclear about what you want, and if you are unfocused and having contradictory thoughts and ideas; if your behaviour is conflictual and you feel clouded and confused about what you want & why you want it, imagine all of those energies pushing and pulling, attracting and repelling, all at the same time. No wonder nothing seems to be going smoothly! 

Now imagine what happens to the energy that you are sending out when you have that clarity and focus. Your behaviour is congruent with what you want. Your thoughts and feelings are aligned, and you are constantly aware of the possibilities and opportunities aligned with your purpose. In turn the energy fields within the thoughts and possibilities (and yes, every single thing in this world, whether tangible or intangible, has an energy field) are attracted towards that strong, congruent magnetic pull of your energy, and that is where the magic starts to happen.

Some people like to call this the Law of Attraction, others simply see it as desire meeting opportunity. It is a powerful force when used correctly. But if you are leading from your place of clarity, you turn into the creator of your own future in a very real and fulfilling way.

I could speak for hours on the how’s and whys of this amazing power we have over our own lives, where we use it well, and where we trip ourselves up, but let me bring it back full circle: Wherever you are in your life, no matter how lost or frustrated you may be feeling, give yourself the gift of time to step off the treadmill without panicking about not being busy and productive. Literally take the time to stop and smell the roses, and see how much your life will blossom!

 

Thank you for reading,

Jane x


Dr Jane Cox is a world-renowned human behaviours expert and metaphysician, with a real passion for giving people not just the knowledge they need to make their lives better, but also the methods & tools to make those changes happen.  Her passion is helping people to live a life they love!

Creating HARMONY in your life AND business – Written By Tim Johnson

Article Written By Tim Johnson

 

The to-do list is endless.  The green eyed monster of envy is never far away: everyone else always seems to be holding it together more than you.  Your friends Facebook posts show just how wonderful their lives are.  You worry about your weight, your looks, the kid’s birthday arrangements, keeping the house in order and somehow getting work done too with the gazillion and one other things to do.  It’s no wonder you’re run ragged wondering “Is this it?”

We’ve all had our different versions of this, I know I certainly have, and when you’re running your own business as a solopreneur it’s even worse as there are just sooooo many things to do and learn whilst trying to make money at the same time.

So what do you do to get clear on things so you can set your priorities accordingly?

My take is to focus on less so that you can do more.  In life there are only 4 really important areas.  Your Health, the Activities you do, your Relationships and Money, as let’s face it if all 4 were running nicely for you right now you’d take it wouldn’t you?  So forget the wheel of life for now – I can’t carry 8 things in my head, and concentrate on just theses four key areas.  Get these right first then you have the platform for more detail to follow.

Your health is key, as without it everything else is a serious challenge – like many people I took my health for granted until following a car accident and many weeks in hospital I was so weak it took me five minutes to climb a single flight of stairs, that was a wakeup call!  Now health and fitness are always part of my thinking, without getting obsessive about it.

The activities that you do: Do you have to be doing them?  Could someone else do them, your children for example could normally do far more around the house as part of their contribution and learning to become responsible adults.  Do all things you do have to be done at all?  What would happen if you just stopped doing some stuff, really, would the world fall apart?  I doubt it.  Also focus on what you enjoy and what adds value, how can you do more of that stuff and less of the other.  Take some time out to reflect, and choose; it’s your life after all!

Your relationships are key.  One toxic relationship in your life can make your whole outlook suffer, and conversely when people fall in love they see the whole world through rose tinted spectacles.  The reality is that we create our own lens through which we view the world, but let’s save that for another edition, in practise it’s easy to be affected by the relationship we have with others.  After a challenging time after my divorce, I did a lot of work on myself and relationships in general.  Following that work I set about 4 key principles from which to base my primary relationship: Awareness, Acceptance, Appreciation, and Affection.  This has served me well as my new relationship goes from strength to strength.  If nothing else, if you focus on finding the things you actively appreciate in others it will transform your life, for as you know, what you focus on you get more of.

Money is like oxygen: an oversupply is not that noticeable once the novelty has worn off, but a restricted supply is definitely unpleasant.  Your money is the output of the combination of your mindset and skillset applied to your business or workplace.  The right hand side of the HARMONY model below gives key strategic headings to consider to become more effective and generate more money for less effort and time.

But why is it that so few people manage to get the four basic needs of Health, Activities, Relationships and Money right?  That’s where the ONY part of the model comes in:

You have to get Organised – none of this comes together by chance, you need to think about what’s important to you and set out to achieve it.

You have to self-Nurture, by which I mean too many of us beat ourselves up with a metaphorical stick, with critical and harsh self-talk that we would never use on other people.  You simply can’t beat yourself into being good, give yourself a break and start treating yourself like your best friend ever – after all you are going to be with yourself till the grave so why not treat yourself kindly?!

And finally it helps to zoom out and look at the bigger picture, it can be difficult to motivate ourselves just because it makes sense, what’s your Why?  And just as importantly what are the things you really don’t want, your Why nots, as you get clearer about these, and your purpose, everything else starts to drop into place.

The trick however, is not to over think this stuff, start with what comes easiest, get used to the feeling, and work with that….

Wishing you simple meaningful harmonious success in all areas of your life,

Thank you for reading,

Tim,


 

 

 

 

CLARITY, CHAOS OR COMFY COASTING? – Written By Janet Swift

Article Written By Janet Swift

 

It may arrive in an unguarded laser-focused moment of awareness or gradually seep through like sun dispersing morning mist.  Some are born with a singularity of purpose whilst others struggle amidst the chaos of unmade decisions.   Wondering what I’m talking about?  In the interest of clarity, it’s exactly that – CLARITY.

Reading that word, what image springs to mind for you?  I see a pool of clear mountain water, gathered from the inward flow from above, before trickling onward to nourish what lies beyond.  Movement, yes, there must be movement or that beautiful clarity will be lost to the turgid stagnation of standing water.

In the blueprint of life there is an underlying order, a path leads to our purpose, our raison d’etre.  If only we would still our physical and inner worlds, just for a moment, clarity would be ours.  Doing nothing is suffocating.  Not knowing who we truly are or where we’re going can be frightening and leave us exposed to the will and actions of others who, however well-meaning, have no understanding of our highest values.

Identifying the drivers which power our inner compass unlocks our spiritual purpose, freeing us to discover how we can be of greatest service.

But clarity of what?  Why not start by establishing your personal truth around:

  • Values
  • Purpose
  • Relationships
  • Career

Every one of us has a purpose, even if it’s currently awaiting the spark of recognition , but no two people have the same value structure .  Hmmm, could this by why a wheel sometimes comes off the waggon in relationships?  Hold that thought for a moment.

Truly being congruent with our highest values leads to inspiration from within to fulfil them and we’re automatically disciplined, reliable and focused.  You’ve guessed what’s coming next – if we’re operating in the ranks of our lower values, our motivational levels are lower and procrastination, hesitation, frustration and inertia set in.  Been there and have a rack of tee-shirts to prove it – how about you?

In all the noise and bustle of modern life, it’s easy to be swept along, weeks turning into months which, before you know it, have become decades.  Here speaks one who knows – I didn’t wake up until I was fifty but achieved more in the next decade than I did in the first five.  So what was the difference?  Clarity of purpose.

The great news is that, even if you’re currently in chaos, it’s never too late to find focus and clarity around our core values and objectives and set some stretching but achievable goals to get us there.   The alternative is to meander aimlessly through life feeling disappointed and probably helping someone else realise their goals by responding to their agenda.

Remember you were holding that thought about values in relationships?  In the first few ‘hearts and flowers’ weeks or months, our new love can do no wrong.  Then little things start to niggle.  As the relationship deepens, we expose our real values and, when they’re different, scratches start to appear on our rose-tinted spectacles.  Why?  Because we’re discovering our partner has a different value set to ours which can feel uncomfortable and may eventually lead to relationship breakdown.

Now before you rush off in search of a new value-matched model, it’s important to say that no two people’s values will be in perfect alignment and neither must they be.  Simply acknowledging what’s important to each of you and recognising there’s a couple of gaps and discussing them may well be enough.  Compromise is the key but never sacrifice your highest values.  Everyone wants to be loved and appreciated for who they are, which is represented by their highest values.

Identifying our values with absolute clarity is crucial because they influence our choices, reactions and boundaries, complicated by the fact that they may change as we mature.  Sure signs that we’re no longer in alignment are feeling unbalanced, unhappy with life or unsure of who we are anymore.  It’s time to revisit and clarify.  As our definition of success changes, so do our personal values and cross-checking between our emotions and reality is a life-long activity.

There isn’t space here to take a deep dive into the process of establishing  core values but, as goal setting is so much easier when we’re clear on the journey ahead, our ‘why’ and what drives us,  it’s worth investing a couple of minutes in considering where we’ll find clues.

A revelation to me was that many of ‘my’ values weren’t mine at all; I’d picked them up along the way and the emotional importance I’d subconsciously placed upon them surprised me.  Top Tip: If it’s something you think you ‘should’, ‘ought’ or ‘must’ do, you can bet your bottom dollar it’s a belief rather than a true value.

Let’s get cracking.  Write down a list of all the values you can think of, it doesn’t matter for now if some seem similar.  Here’s a few to start you off:

Acceptance  Accomplishment  Adventure Affection  Altruism  Ambition  Beauty  Brilliance Benevolence Certainty  Challenge Commitment  Compassion  Conformity  Daring  Decisiveness Discipline  Empathy Enthusiasm  Fairness  Family  Freedom  Friendship  Fun  Gratitude  Growth …

When you’ve worked your way through the alphabet and written down everything which is meaningful to you, revisit the list cutting it down to twenty, then ten and then your most important FIVE , which is difficult.  Each time you go through your list – which could easily reach a hundred values – choose the ones which resonate most deeply.  Some overlap and it will be easier to eliminate those.  It helps to look at them in pairs, asking yourself which one you’d choose if you could have only one.  Rinse and repeat until the list is down to the all-important five.

Think about your personal gifts and the reasons people turn to you for help.  How would your friends describe you?  What qualities do your role models have?  What makes you feel happy and in your flow?  What did you love as a child and what made you feel valued and happy?  Little clues will be sprinkled throughout those memories.

It’s really worth taking time to shine a light within because, once those values are identified, decision-making and goal setting will be so much easier as there is a firm yardstick against which to measure.

Well done for getting this far, many never do.   Now those most important five values are clear, it’ll be time to set some comfort-zone busting, hugely exciting, life-enhancing goals.

For now, just imagine where you’d like to be in ten years’ time.  Don’t hold back, you know it’s ALL possible, don’t you?  Listen to what resonates within your heart and soul and, remember, the only restrictions are those we choose for ourselves.  There’s a limitless reservoir of strength and potential within just waiting to be called upon – now’s the time to be the person you know you are, not the one holding back for fear of failure or ridicule.  It’s time to reflect the inner you to the outer world, ignite that purpose and shine brightly.

Until next time, I’d like to leave you with these meaningful words:

“Life’s up and downs provide windows of opportunity to determine your values and goals.  Think of using all obstacles as stepping stones to build the life you want.”  Marsha Sinetar

 

Thank you for reading,

Janet,


 

 

 

Is Clarity The Way to GO? Where Do I Go? – Written By Kim B Smith

Article Written By Kim B Smith

 

So you think you are clear? Out there in today’s world especially in the world of business ownership, a lot of this is stated; “Be clear, be crystal clear on your ideal client, audience, and message but most importantly be clear on your purpose and intentions.” Purpose and intentions of what is your life about; what and why did you started this business? How are you going to be the Bold Authority-expert in your industry? Is your message clear? For a lot of people it isn’t clear because of so many variables. Variables of watching others succeed, desperation, lack of clients, lack of money and social media showcases that everyone else has a beautiful white picket fence (which is not true). And do not forget the many distractions! So we jump and grab at anything that comes our way and then our message becomes a “Jack of all trades….TRYING to master it all!” NO! This is not clarity, this trying to do everything and be everything to everyone, run around in circles, still broke… Whew! No wonder we are burnt-out. Damn, this is way too hard and exhausting. When we are clear of what our business is all about, then the clarity becomes stronger as we grow and evolve. Ease instead of force; joy instead of constant turmoil.

Ok let’s get down to business here; first of all if you are thinking about clarity, like I asked in the above paragraph, remove that, remove the thinking. I want you to get into your heart…feel the clarity, know it from your inner wisdom. Feel what really makes you jump out of bed in the morning (and no not an alarm clock jump out of bed!) Let’s begin with these questions:

What do you want to do-SERVE?

Who do you want to SERVE?

Would you do this even if you didn’t get paid for it? If you said no to this, your ego has you by the vagina or balls and leading you into a life of misery. This is the ongoing brick road, it is the hamster wheel, going around and around and…well you I hope you have this picture in your head and heart. Now STOP! This is how we remain small, desperate, an empty bank account, low self-esteem and a hell of a lot more! Oh and a big one…BURNT OUT! We all want success, RIGHT NOW, snap of the fingers, within seconds, however, this takes time. It is mastered over time. We don’t birth a baby and then send them to high school the next day. (I feel like a broken record here about time…but it does take time! Just saying!) When I start something, I learn it, I allow myself to grow, to evolve as the expert. I may begin not knowing crap about the industry, but in my heart (yes heart not head) I feel this is where I am being called. My passion, my why. As I grow, I become the expert. I learn, I do the work, I connect and build my relationships. I brand myself so when people think of voice they come to Bold. They come to me. Now let me clarify something, I do not have all the answers at this point because I am not done mastering my skill. I am getting better day by day. I will never have all of this perfected, just mastered. Get rid of the perfect word, right now!

How do you begin to become the expert? First of all look at your niche, what I mean here is what your business is? Are you a food expert? A publisher? Marketing expert? Now ask yourself, what wisdom do you bring to the table in this arena? (Bare with me, I am getting to a point here) This is where I see people pop up and become an expert with little to show/prove. Example: I wrote a book, did all the work, so now I will be a publisher, launch a publishing company and go ask others “to pick their brain” on how they did it. Let me say, this is not how you become an expert. This is where you push your sleeves up, and do the work! “I stand in awe of anyone who hatches a dream and who shows the guts to hang tough and see it through to reality!” Steven Pressfield. Now that’s clarity.  Go do another book, learn the ins and outs of publishing, write articles on publishing ie: self-publishing vs. a publishing company; differences between small and large publishing; get in there and learn about platforms to print, sell, graphics, and so on. Get the picture? If you are a marketing expert, what have your marketed of your own that is gaining success? If you are a food expert what have you done with food to become this? You must have personal experience, wisdom, continue growth. It is like the adage goes, take your lemons and make lemonade? Don’t just grab something because everyone else is doing it and you want to make money at it. You will burn out be miserable and quit before you even gain traction. And traction takes TIME and yes, money! You must proof that you can become that expert. Don’t jump at the first thing that comes your way.

Clarity will guide you from the heart not the head. The universe will open doors for you when you are aligned with yourself, not anyone else. So don’t take that speaking gig that showcases you as a publishing expert when you have only one book under your wings. Maybe it needs to be how to write your book as you are growing into something bigger. Make sense? This is why CLARITY is so important. And staying focused on your destination is imperative in today’s world with distractions at an all-time high as well.

How do you stay clear in a world of convolution and abundance, oh and a quick instantaneously overnight sensation act of a society? Everyone wants a quick return on their investments, become famous like Oprah Winfrey, and they still have not mastered anything as of yet OR they want a cheap easy way out. By the way, Oprah is still mastering Oprah, just saying!

The question is NOT where to begin (you are already here reading this) is how do I make my vision so damn clear no one can bust me down! NO ONE!

For starters, how do you begin your day? How do you end your day? What makes you go crazy passionate people say: Wow you are on fire, out of control passionate? I have a simple exercise to do for with some guidelines. Please know when you do this you will not be “done or finished” a lot of times we come back and have to do some “redesigning” of our clarity. Just know it is okay, we are just evolving, growing and the universe is delivering gifts to you that you may never have imagined. Be grateful, go with it all and Rock this World. You are needed!

 

A few things of suggestion to deepen your clarity:

  • Meditation-daily and ask for guidance-The power of Ask is stunning
  • Paper, markers, pens or just a favorite pen and write. I am not a big journal person, but I have sharpies and a journal and I do bullet points and short thoughts. It is amazing how the breakthrough to stronger clarity comes from this.
  • Take a break and go for a walk, or go do something fun, out of the ordinary! Step away from the electronics and just be. Let it all come to you naturally. Don’t force this.
  • Remember, to have FUN!

 

Thank you for reading,

Kim,


Kim Boudreau Smith is a multi-talented CEO and business leader with a legacy of empowering thousands of women. From a corporate background in sales and marketing and over 20 years of experience in the fitness industry, Kim has gone on to become an #1 International Best-Selling Author with the book being one of the best-selling on Amazon for 2015! Kim also has become a multiple International Best-Selling Author Business Consultant and Speaker. Kim combines her expertise with a passion to motivate and inspire other women to become “top producers in their lives”. As CEO of Kim Boudreau Smith Inc.& former CEO of Bold Radio Station, Kim’s international speaking and coaching work has enabled thousands of women to benefit from her inspirational and empowering work. She is all about the Power of Voice!

Kim’s websites: www.kimbsmith.com and www.boldradiostation.com

 

 

 

 

Is Fear Running the Show in Your Business? – By Emma M. Churchman, M.Div.

Article Written By  Emma M. Churchman, M.Div.

 

I don’t know about you, but I spent YEARS in my business trying to make my fear okay. I tried to dialogue with it – I also tried to mask or ignore it with positive thinking. The end result? I still had fear popping up all over the place and it was keeping me in resistance. For, like, 17 years.

Let me go ahead and save you 17 years of trial and tribulation. Trust me, reading this article will be the best eight minutes you spend this year. Most of us in the spiritual development world have a warped relationship to FEAR.

Here’s what I mean:
As entrepreneurs we must learn to take risk. For our businesses to grow we MUST take risks. Our desire for personal and financial growth demands that we move towards fear and take new action.
When we take risks we don’t know the consequences of those actions will be – we can’t possibly know whether we are wasting our time, money and effort – that is the truth of the situation.

A lot of entrepreneurs try to whitewash that truth with positive thinking, and inspiration and motivation to mask the truth – the fear that we might fail.

Most people hate feeling fear – our first instinct is to run from the fear, our second instinct is to fight the fear. In the spiritual development community we have vilified fear – we have been taught to never feel fear. But fear is inherent to the human experience – you can try to numb yourself to it with positive thinking, medication, meditation, spiritual practices, alcohol, or drugs.

The truth is that if you have to work at thinking positively it is because you are actually afraid – you just don’t want to feel it. Collectively we’ve decided as a society to avoid fear, no matter how much medication and numbing it takes to avoid fear. Most people try to get to death as safely as possible.

But as an entrepreneur you must take risks to make money – and that means that you will experience way more fear than most people – especially for new entrepreneurs.
New entrepreneurs especially try to fix the fact that they are afraid because they think feeling the fear means they are on the wrong path. For new entrepreneurs – when they experience fear they go to a stand still (and stop implementing in their business) or they completely override their fear and go into fight mode with positive self-talk.

For the record, fear can be our very best friend – there are perfectly legitimate fears out there in business! Sometimes your fear is totally appropriate – and sometimes fear tries to move us into action.

When you invest all of your energy into feeling good you are not living in reality – sometimes your fear tries to warn you that you aren’t living in reality. We’ve become very good at not feeling fear even when fear is actually appropriate – there is NOTHING wrong with being afraid.

You are human, you will experience fear, stop making that a bad thing!

The trick is to learn to work with fear. Feel the fear, and take action anyway – most people never let themselves actually feel their fear – they numb it or push it away. But you can’t selectively push down your emotions – when you push away fear, you also won’t let yourself feel peace, comfort, well being, happiness – all of which are wrapped up in safety. Because fear and safety are polar opposites.

When you push away your fear, you will also feel less passion. And passion, or desire, are important for business. So the way to manage risk is to not necessarily act on the fear. Start by making conscious, rational evaluations and decisions about what to do with the fear, but begin by acknowledging it first. Risk is not taking a blind leap of faith.

There is an unfortunate trend in personal/spiritual development community of taking crazy leaps of faith – people are encouraged to quit their jobs and hope the universe will catch them – this is not RISK, this is UNCONSCIOUSNESS.

We are capable of taking risk in a way that is highly grounded, that does not deny fear, but that also embraces our need for safety. The trick is to embrace both fear and safety equally, and to let fear be our teacher when appropriate.

Thank you for reading,

Emma x


 

Stop the World and Let Me Catch Up – Written By Michelle Poole

Article Written By Michelle Poole

 

‘Stop the world and let me catch up’ that was a frequent request of mine during the early times of being self-employed. I recall that feeling of loss of control, that stomach churning and racing brain that fed into overwhelm. I can tell you; from conversations with other business owners – I was never alone and I’m positive you will never be alone!

It is easy to see why so many businesses close their doors in the first year – the peaks and troughs are many and the solutions seem so random. To be honest there probably was a pattern but being so close to the business, the feelings and the fear they were not recognised.

When you feel slightly more in control you breathe a big sigh of relief and don’t want to contemplate what happened, how you can avoid in the future and you certainly don’t want to relive it again. But we need to analyse to be able to stop it from happening again – or at least reduce the impact.

I’ve learnt many techniques along the way – found things to do that help me concentrate on what needs to be done but more importantly recognise the signs.

Let’s get down to some of the techniques you can use to move forward; get past those feelings and be in a stronger position to carry on.

Recognition: Yes, recognising that ‘this is overwhelm’. Once we know what it is we can deal with it and move to a better time. Is it the sleepless nights, is it the tummy churning, is it the head in the sand routine (I’m fine! – when you are clearly not) or is it denial and avoidance of those that are expecting something from you and you’ve not delivered?

Take some time out: This is so useful to move yourself away from the ‘office’ (be that the spare room, the back room, the kitchen table or indeed the office). Spending some time away from your normal environment can be so therapeutic – some time when no one is looking to you or depending on you – you have yourself to answer to and yourself to ‘please’.

Brain-dump: I find this is a very useful tool in identifying everything that is going on for you – be it business, personal or just worry! Dump it all down on a piece of paper (or computer if that’s your media) – just write down every small, incidental thing that is on your mind; don’t forget anything. Once you’ve created this humongous list you can look at it with a clear mind and identify the must do’s, the could do’s and the ‘someone else’s problem!

Chunking: Some of those things on your list will be must do’s and are massive in themselves. They won’t be completed in a one-hit or one day. Chunking them down into smaller tasks; identifying the steps needed to achieve the outcome required will also help you to realise it can be achieved. This will reduce your overwhelm as you can see light at the end of the tunnel.

Leverage your time: We only have a certain amount of time each day and that will differ for those that don’t need the regulatory 8 hours’ sleep (which I do need!) but using that time effectively and efficiently (love those two words together) will enable you to blast through your tasks. Moving those tasks into your calendar (rather than leaving on your to-do-list) will show you when they practically can be completed.

Focus vs multitasking: Women are good at multi-tasking that’s why they can get more stuff done at once. A common misconception – or so they say! I like to think I can achieve more; such as taking things upstairs when I’m going there. I believe that works for me (domestically). However, in business I do believe focus is better. Being distracted by the ping of social media or emails dropping into your inbox interrupts and therefore stops the flow of work. Getting in the zone was pointless as you can be pulled from it in an instance. Returning is somewhat harder and therefore the task takes longer.

Stop doing list: As we look at our brain-dump there may be things that are causing us concern, add to our overwhelm or just make us pure crazy. Are there things you can put on your ‘stop doing’ list? Can we take them off our list and on to someone else’s?

Define your role: What is your role in the business (or the household if that’s your area of overwhelm)? Can you make changes for the benefit of you (and probably everyone else – no one likes to be around someone that is overwhelmed and generally not happy!)? For a business owner can you re-define your working hours giving yourself time off to regroup?

Email: Our email demands our attention at all times of the day or night. Be it clients, people selling, Newsletters or just general stuff. It’s hard to decrease the flow. There are things you can do – such as setting up rules so emails are filed as soon as they come near your inbox (good for Newsletters; although you don’t know they’ve arrived until you see the folder with 250 unread emails! Oops!) Some people read their emails twice a day – allowing focus for the rest of the day. Just be sure to tell everyone with an automatic response giving other options of contacting you for urgent action (such as text or mobile number).

Getting help: My last helpful way to reduce overwhelm is to get help! Accept we can’t do it all alone. If you are looking to grow this is an early lesson to learn – it is essential you get help to be able to grow your business. Help comes in a variety of guises; be it a business coach/mentor; a call answering service, a friend/colleague; or with employees/contractors.

So, my advice is recognise it, seek help and commit to some techniques to help you through the difficult times.

Thank you so much for reading,

Michelle Poole,


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3 Ways Asking Fuels Empowered Living – By Trilby Johnson

Written By Trilby Johnson

 

Empowered living, calls for engagement and being present. There is no short cut or quick fix – only implementation and fine-tuning. So it’s great to have practical tools handy, that can be applied quickly and effectively to gain clarity and get results, right? Depending on our education and upbringing, we may already possess these tools and be living a happy, healthy and successful life with few problems on the way. If this is not the scenario, this could be due to the fact that, although wehave the tools, we have not received the correct training on HOW to use these tools.

Where the confusion can arise, is when we receive mixed messages around the appropriateness of ‘asking’ – that the majority of us have. For instance, when a parent tells a child that they ask too many questions and shows irritation. Or when a question is asked and the reply is sarcastic or disparaging. So the manner in which our asking has been received, will and does leave an impression on us. As adults and empowered individuals however, it is important to consciously break through this conditioning. And paradoxically, the most effective way I found to do this is… yes, by using asking and questioning.

In this article, I share three ways that I have used ASKING to shift away from feeling disempowered, unseen, lacking confidence and direction in life, to feeling empowered, confident, getting positive tangible results and finding purpose in daily life.

  1. ASKING for bigger and better
    For a long time in my life I was afraid to ask for things. And so I got very little, which fed my fears even more. Until one day I realized that every time I did not ask, the answer would be NO – guaranteed. I shifted my mindset and gave myself permission to ask all kinds of questions – even those others thought stupid, too much or annoying – how someone responds to a question says more about their mindset than it does about the question asked.

I found that asking empowers and I like the feeling of greater possibilities and expansion. ASKING is a fabulous tool for active and conscious creation! And the bigger and better we ask, the more success and prosperity we are inviting in. Asking for bigger and better doesn’t mean being arrogant. It can however mean being more abundant!

Ask more. Questions more often. Make bigger and better requests!

 

  1. ASKING to RECEIVE
    So Ask and it is Given, right? Yes. If you are willing to receive. When asking a question, be clear about being willing and open to receive what will come in. Quite often, people miss an opportunity simply because they expect something to look or happen in a specific way. When it doesn’t, they conclude that they are unlucky, not good enough, got something wrong or not worthy enough. On a deeper level, it’s simply due to not being in alignment with receiving what was asked for.

 

When ASKING, we are using our voices and it’s important to ask with the attitude of already having what we are asking for. I believe in the law of attraction – where like attracts like – and asking enables me to state my intention, so that matching opportunities can show up. Many of us have been made to feel afraid of asking and so when we do, it comes from a feeling of supplication, not empowerment. When we ask and feel empowered, it’s like placing a meal order with the waiter – the majority of the time, the meal will arrive seamlessly. Yet many of us don’t ask from this mindset for what we really want and then our order gets muddled.

Ask from a mindset of confidence and of receiving and having the desire outcome.

 

  1. ASKING to KNOW

A frequent response by many when asked a question is, ‘I don’t know’. In my opinion, this stems from the way we have been conditioned to give the ‘right answer’ and consequently the subconscious fear of ‘getting it wrong’. Yet if we consider words as vibrational frequencies, imagine the vibration of these words. Do they evoke confidence or empower? Seldom,  in my experience. There is no asking in the words ‘I don’t know’ is there?

If we come back to the example of ordering a meal, imagine when the waiter comes to take the order and the reply is, ‘I don’t know’. This stop things completely.

So a great solution is… ASK another question! This will open up the energy of possibilities again and is more empowering. We often do this instinctively, however, when applied consciously, it will transform often mundane patterns into something new and exciting.

Admittedly, as humans there are moments when we feel overwhelmed or confused. In these instances, rather than say, ‘I don’t know’ which will block any possible information showing up – stop, breathe several times, then ask a new question. For example, ‘what’s the special of the day?’, ‘what can I do next?’, ‘what is possible for me now?’, ‘Show me?!’. This last one can be used as an empowering question or declaration. Really observe the feelings that accompany the questions when asked, as they are vibrational guides.

 

Asking allows each of us to ‘feel your way’ to a better option.

In conclusion, I have found through consistently using and applying and playing with these three ways of asking, my life has blossomed and I feel more empowered and aligned in my body, mind and soul today. If you are interested to learn more information around this subject, you may be interested in the webinar ‘Make Questioning Your Superpower for Effective Conscious Living’.

Through ASKING, we open up to receiving and are claiming that we wish to know, making it possible for more opportunities to show up and perhaps more significantly, we will be receptive to them. A sign of wisdom is knowing how to ask for something we desire, whether of ourselves or another person, as well as where to find the resources and people needed to make it happen.

ASKING is a simple, effective, empowering and powerful tool we have at our disposal to fuel happier, healthier and successful lives.

 

Much Love,

Trilby 🙂

 


Links to go with article

Website: http://www.trilbyjohnsontheconnective.com

Make Questioning Your SuperPower Webinar: https://goo.gl/L2jVUn